For many, the arrival of grandchildren is a source of immense happiness, bringing a new wave of energy and love into their lives. However, as the demands of modern life grow more complex, grandparents often find themselves stepping into roles that go beyond occasional babysitting, sometimes to the detriment of their own well-being. And this is exactly what's happening in today's story.
My son and DIL have been married for around 7 years at this point. They have two kids. All of my children are out of the home and living their lives. My husband and I are still working and will probably retire in 10–15 years. Around 70.
My DIL and I got along much better before the kids came into the picture. They live 30 minutes away, and she is always trying to drop them off. I thought my son was in on this, but no. I sat them down, and he had no idea this was happening.
I showed the many texts asking for me to babysit, and he was under the impression that I have only babysat twice this month, not 16 times. Apparently, she has been dropping them off with me to hang out with people, and my son was under the impression she was taking them with her.
I started to communicate in a group chat with them, so everyone was on the same page. I only respond to her in the group chat and if she starts to spam me with texts about it, I throw a screenshot in the group chat and have my son deal with it.
We have talked, and it comes down to her wanting her kids to have the same relationship she had with her grandparents. In short, I explained that I was still working and I would not have that relationship. That I can’t have the kids every other day, just like she had growing up. We agreed to every two weeks to have a grandma's day.
All good for about a year, my son is now traveling for work, and she is at it again. The time difference makes it hard to have him shut it down when it happens.
I was home for about an hour when she showed up at my home. She wanted me to babysit when she went shopping. I had enough at this point. I told her that I had my own life, that I would not be the cookie-cutter grandma she wanted, and if she tried to leave the kids with me from now on without my agreement I would call the police for abandonment.
She called me a jerk and stormed off. My son called trying to smooth it over and saying I may have gone too far.
His wife probably has a sidekick that she meets when her husband is not at home.
She probably thinks that she is bored and has acquired "other interests" and then the kids are a nuisance to have with her on the date with another man... I think she is cheating on her husband.
In the journey of balancing familial love and personal well-being, the story of a grandmother overwhelmed by the unceasing demands of caring for her grandchildren sheds light on a common yet often unspoken struggle. As she navigates the complexities of setting boundaries with her daughter-in-law, this grandmother needs to learn the vital importance of self-care and open communication within the family.
