You know how people say, “Family vacations bring everyone closer”? Well, I wish that were true. When my daughter-in-law (DIL) invited me to join their family trip, I thought it was her way of including me, maybe even making peace after a few awkward family gatherings.
I imagined laughter, beach walks, and fancy dinners together. Turns out, I was about to learn the hard way that not every invitation means what it sounds like.
Hi readers! When my DIL told me she wanted me to come along on their family vacation, I was genuinely touched and thrilled. She said things like, “It’ll be nice to have the whole family together for once.”
I thought, wow, maybe we’re finally bonding after years of awkward small talk and polite smiles. I thought it would be a great chance to relax, spend time with my son and grandkids, and finally feel like part of the family.
I packed my bags, bought a new pretty dress, and even got little gifts for my grandkids. I took time off work. I was so excited. I imagined beach walks, dinners together, and maybe a few funny family photos. But the moment we reached the resort, things started feeling...off.
That is a BRUTAL way to treat grandma. No, of course you’re not wrong. If that’s what the plan was, it should have been explained to you before the trip, then you could decide if it was worth your time. You are owed an apology, and a big one. The entitled behavior is disheartening to say the least. And it was abominable treatment on a getaway for you. Go NC for just as long as you want to..
When we arrived at the fancy hotel, I quickly got ready for our dinner reservation, put on my new dress. Did my makeup for the first time in years. My DIL came into my room with the kids and appeared shocked and annoyed. She asked me, “What are you doing?”
I told her with a smile that I’m ready finally, sorry if it took long. She looked me in the eye and said, “NO! You have to stay with the kids. We’re heading out. It’s just a reservation for me and Mark (my son) today. Please take care of the children, they are excited to be with their granny.”
At first, I thought she was joking. I laughed, but nope, she was dead serious.
I stood there stunned. I had taken time off, packed, and traveled thinking this was a real family trip. I told her I want to join too. She gave me a patronizing smile and said, “Wait, did you really expect a full free vacation? We paid for your room and flight, the least you can do is help with the kids while we get some alone time.”
I felt my stomach drop. My son heard her and instead of defending me, he just shrugged and said, “Mom, it’s not a big deal. You love spending time with them. We can grab dinner tomorrow and plan stuff after we’re back from scuba diving, since we can’t take the kids along.”
That’s when it hit me. This whole “invitation” wasn’t about family bonding. It was a setup to get a free babysitter.
Nope your reaction was correct. They didn't ask you if you were ok with watching the kids so they could have one on one time. That was shady af and completely wrong. Sounds like the DIL is a piece of work and as much as you enjoy time with your grandkids you need to decide if dealing with her is worth it. You need to have a conversation with your son about how he and your DIL made you feel. Tell him what you thought the vacation was going to be vs what they expected from you without prior discussion. Tell him you don't appreciate how your DIL talks to/treats you and you don't deserve that kind of treatment from her or him. Let him know that you want to have a relationship with him, DIL and grandkids but if they can't respect you then you will distance yourself from them
I was so humiliated. I did stay with the kids for the night, but the next morning I packed my bags. I told them I “don’t want to be a burden” or “freeload off them” and was flying home. My DIL rolled her eyes, my son said I was “overreacting,” and the poor kids didn’t even know what was going on. I left anyway.
When I got back, I saw my DIL had texted me that I ruined their vacation and should’ve been more “understanding”. Am I really to blame here? I love my grandkids, but I am not a free babysitter.
Families are complicated. Read the previous letter we received from a reader: I Refuse to Take Care of My Sick Brother—I’m Not His Mom.
Your DIL sounds like any MIL's worst nightmare
If they wanted a babysitter, they needed to be upfront about it when they invited you.
