My Husband Cheated on Me and Now Wants to Keep His Affair Child

Saving a marriage after an affair, even more so the one where your partner has a child with another person, is very challenging and implies making difficult life-changing decisions. A user on Reddit asked for people’s opinions on her life situation, where she absolutely refused to have any relationship with her husband’s child from an affair.

After being married for 9 years, my husband and I discovered in 2021 that he was being sued for child support. This revelation stemmed from an affair he had shortly after our marriage, which almost led to the end of our relationship. However, we sought counselling together and agreed to certain conditions for me to stay in the marriage.

One of these conditions was that my husband would take on a second job to cover his child support payments without affecting our household budget. Additionally, I made it clear that I had no intention of having any relationship with the child resulting from his affair. Over the past few years, my husband has been getting to know his child, but recently, he informed me of some “baby mamma drama.”

It turns out that his affair partner is set to self-surrender in May for an 8-month incarceration. My husband felt the need to take custody of the child during this time to prevent them from going to live with their grandparents on the opposite coast. The child, who is attached to their current surroundings, does not want to change schools or be far away from their friends, dad, and mom (who will be incarcerated locally).

Upon hearing this news, I left the house and returned with an apartment guide for our area, indicating my stance on the situation. My husband questioned if I was serious, to which I affirmed that my feelings remained unchanged from three years ago. Despite his plea that the circumstances were exceptional, I reiterated that I had no interest in caring for his child and offered an amicable divorce if he chose to take custody.

I made it clear that I stood firm in my decision and that I would not be responsible for someone else’s child.

The majority of people online expressed their belief that this marriage isn’t functioning.

• Major-Distance4270 said, “This marriage should have ended years ago.” To which VerbalGuinea answered, “The counsellor is too good at his job.”
• The child will always be there. Seems like you should cut your losses and move on from this relationship. Sad, but you will probably be happier in the long run. ms_eleventy
• Some people even saw a parallel in the way men treat women with children from other partners. She’s handling this the same way a man would. “Not raising a kid that isn’t mine.” Y’all cheer on men who want paternity tests for no reason, too. purple_proze
• Waiting to see what the “men should not raise another man’s child” brigade has to say about this. MaleficentCoconut458

The majority of people agreed that divorce is the only right solution here.

• Why are you still with him? In no way do I think it’s your responsibility to raise this child. But it is his responsibility. And this poor kid didn’t ask for any of it. The whole situation would be happier and healthier if y’all just split up. Effective-Help4293
• No judgement, but this is the result of you staying with him after the affair. There’s no way a child’s existence can’t complicate your life. Kids aren’t a side hobby. Period.
  The fact that the therapist allowed the fairy tale notion to exist is wild. Divorce is the best option for everyone, including your husband but especially you. But the child’s best interest needs to be prioritized also. People complain that people say break up to everything, but they fail to realize that this kind of stuff is toxic. Newdaytoday1215
• This poor kid. I hope Dad steps up and is there for them. The author, this isn’t what you wanted for your life and relationship, and that’s fair. You and your husband are on different paths. This is his responsibility and I think it’s reasonable you asked him to move out and take care of his responsibilities alone. I don’t think your marriage is going to work out. Kazbaha

Some people struggle with the consequences of cheating, but there are some surprising exceptions. Another woman shared that she would be happy to find out her husband was cheating. To know what actually led her to these thoughts, read the full story.