My Husband Has Been Extremely Toxic With Me, Until One Day That Suddenly «Opened His Eyes»

Relationships
4 months ago

A woman, 25, has recently turned to one of Reddit’s communities to tell about an issue that she has with her husband of many years. The woman complained about her spouse’s extremely toxic, unbearable behavior, but she revealed a detail that made many users fuming about the whole situation. her husband didn’t even realize he was being abnormally toxic until one simple thing happened that seemed to literally make him pay attention to what he did and regret it.

The relationship in the family has been extremely unhealthy all this time.

A woman, 25, has turned to Reddit to share her story which provoked many reactions from people who read it.

She started her post, by saying, «I (25F) have been with my husband (31M) since I was 15. We’ve been married for 7 years. My husband has always had issues. He’d punch a hole in the wall, or not allow me to leave when I wanted to. I thought I had set good boundaries with him, but looking back I just submitted to it. He forced me to participate in his hobbies and would get mad if he sensed I was uninterested, but would make fun of or criticize me for enjoying my hobbies.»

The woman confessed that being a good wife for her spouse meant losing her own identity completely.

She revealed, «I stopped doing things he didn’t like. I didn’t disagree with him. I even stopped talking to friends he didn’t approve of. I just wanted him to love me again. For context, I grew up in a severely toxic home and I really thought he was saving me. He was the first person to ever make me feel seen and when that went away I was desperate to get it back.»

The woman’s husband seemed to have gone too far in his toxicity.

The woman revealed that being toxic wasn’t just the only thing she absolutely couldn’t stand about her spouse.

She explained, «Three months after I had my second baby (I had them 18 months apart), he cheated on me. He told me he didn’t love me and never did. He started seeing the woman he cheated with and told me it was because I didn’t accept him for who he was. I had no car, no house of my own, no money... not even my own bank account and a 21-month-old and 3-month-old. I was terrified.»

He went even further and had the audacity to ask the OP for a reunion. She revealed, «So, when he came to me just a month later wanting to get back together... I was relieved. I just wanted my life back. Through all of this, he has continued to take no responsibility and insisted that he was the victim. I felt bad watching him cry and I just wanted to be happy again.»

Family talks didn’t bring the couple anywhere, and none of the other methods worked.

The woman has been in a marriage-saving mode all this time. She was the only person to ever try to bring their relationship back to normal, and her husband has always remained passive.

The OP shared, «It’s been two years since then, and we’re still living together. I got a job and worked full-time to support us all. He lost his job because the woman he cheated on me with was an employee who directly reported to him. I went back to school while working and now I have a good 9-5 salary job with good benefits. He still has no job and stays home with our toddlers. Now 2 and 3.»

Finally, the OP’s patience came to an end. The woman revealed, «Lately it’s hit me that I want a divorce. I think I was in shock for so long. Stuck in survival mode. For years I’ve been trying to explain to him that the way he was treating me was wrong, but he always overpowered the conversation and shut me down.»

All of a sudden, her husband realized that he had been in a wrong all this long time.

The woman revealed that just recently, her husband began to realize that he has been doing really toxic things to his spouse and his family.

She wrote, «Last night, he was reading about contempt in marriages because I told him that’s what I’m feeling with him. He then ended up on an article about unhealthy communication and emotional abuse and it’s like it finally clicked. He started apologizing and I felt like he saw me for the first time in a long time. I’m mad it took the Internet telling him it was true for him to believe it. It’s too late now. I feel like the damage is done.

I have recently started therapy and am learning more about myself and how to love myself. It took saying all of this out loud for it to sink in. I thought I was in the wrong this whole time. How do I leave and start my own life? It’s scary.»

People on Reddit supported the OP with some really nice and practical pieces of advice.

People in the comments were as supportive as they could, and the majority of the commenters gave her the same advice.

One person wrote, «It’s so weird because I am on the other side of this and now my first thought is, leave you’ll feel a weight lifted and be so happy! But I recall when I was stuck with my toxic husband he convinced me I was crazy. I also felt I couldn’t just leave, I had to have a „valid“ reason. It doesn’t matter if he’s doing better or trying to convince you that he is. The damage is done and can’t be fixed. Trust me, you will be so thankful once you leave. You’re the one making money so you just get to get rid of the dead weight dragging you down.»

Another user commented, «You actually seem incredibly self-aware. I’m proud of you. Most people refuse to see anything wrong and dig their heels in further.

It seems like you actually understand and want to see things from other people’s perspectives. That’s a great trait to have. I have no doubt you’ll make things right for yourself in the end. Keep listening, keep being open-minded, and make yourself the priority in your life.»

And the third user added, «It’s okay to feel defensive, not many of us can compare to your lived experience. Please do not feel stupid, you were trapped by a predator. You did not have the security of a safe family to pull you out of this hellscape situation. Please do not stop therapy. You will continue to grow and gain strength to move yourself and your children away from this.

He will start to notice the changes you make as you grow, however, the minute you feel they are. He will most likely start to lovebomb you to suck you back in or start the same behavior again. Just remember and reflect back on how he’s treated you. Stay watchful and ready. Please start working on your exit strategy.»

And here’s yet another story about a woman, who found a tampon in her husband’s car and ended up discovering the creepiest truth about her spouse of many years.

Preview photo credit Waste_Permission_970 / Reddit

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