My Husband Said That He Didn’t Find Me Beautiful, and Nothing Feels the Same to Me Anymore

Words can be very harmful, especially to the people we care about the most, like our partners. We tend to forget that marriage is a union based on respect more than love and affection. With that being said, we are examining the case of a woman who received a hit to her self-esteem from the person closest to her.

We at Bright Side received this letter from one of our lovely readers — she’s sharing her frustration after overhearing something her husband said. It surely wouldn’t be easy hearing this, but everything can be fixed, even things we believe to be irreparable.

Dear reader, thank you for the letter! We appreciate your courage and the fact that you’re sharing this with us. We took our time to process this and think about it objectively, and here’s what we think you should do in this case.

• Talk about it with your partner. There’s nothing a little communication can’t fix. Instead of holding these feelings inside of you, be honest with your partner. Let him know what you felt at that moment and how it made you upset.
  We also advise you to ask him to discuss your looks with you instead of involving other people in that subject.

• Don’t let it out on him. We know that you are going through something very emotional here, but try to be very calm when talking about it. For example, ask him why he said that and for how long has he been thinking that way.

• Don’t let the negatives overshadow the positives. Besides what he said, he mentioned that he’ll always choose you no matter what! That means he cares about you deeper than you imagine, and you matter to him a lot.
  The statement can also mean that he wants you for who you are as a person and couldn’t care less about how you look today or tomorrow. He probably just chose the wrong words to express his love for you.

• Your value isn’t determined by being “pretty.” We know it’s not easy, but you should know that what you heard has very little to do with you and your value as a person and everything to do with what’s going on with your husband. Don’t tie your self-worth to your husband’s judgment, you matter a lot more than that.

• Don’t let that ruin your self-esteem. Give compliments to yourself every time you walk past a mirror. Say how gorgeous, beautiful, and good-looking you are. Compliment your smile or your jaw structure. This will not only help you gain self-confidence, but with time, you’ll start saying, “What was he talking about that day?”
  If you want, you can undergo a makeover or change some of your habits, but always make sure you’re doing it for yourself and for your own well-being.

• Consider couples therapy. Sometimes there’s an issue even bigger than what it seems that neither of you realizes. Maybe if you hear him speak, and he hears you out, along with the help of a specialist, you’ll be able to spot the problem and overcome this.

• You always have a choice. If you realize that the problem runs too deep and that you’re hitting a wall, don’t be afraid to put an end to all this. Be easy on yourself and figure out what’s best for you and for your mental health. Don’t be afraid to choose yourself when there’s nothing left to hold on to.

We hope these words of advice help you fix the situation and make you feel better.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? What would you advise our reader to do in this case?