My MIL Disowned Our Family After We Forbid Her From Kissing Our Newborn
A new mom was left in shock after her mother-in-law had an extreme reaction to what was seemingly a simple rule. Distressed by having possibly caused her husband’s family to drift away, she turned to social media to ask for advice on how to proceed with the difficult matter.
“Our newborn spent 12 days in the NICU. Like most new parents, we have a ’no kissing the baby’ rule. He is 5 weeks old. No shots yet and no real protection. We are his first line of defense. My husband told his mom no kissing and the last time we saw her I wore him in an attempt to prevent that. It didn’t work — she got up in my space and kissed him anyways. I was so awestruck, I didn’t say anything.
This kept happening. Then, on my husband’s birthday she did it again — three times after being told not to — and my husband decided that he had to lay it all out for her in writing because us verbally telling her was obviously not working. Later in the day, he told her she broke our rules and that it’s a simple rule, so how can we ever trust her to babysit in the future if she can’t even follow this one rule now.
She sent him back a snotty reply that essentially said, ’Well, I have no reason to see you anytime soon anyways,’ and then proceeded to tell all of his sisters what a horrible son he was. His stepdad called him and flipped on him for ’talking to his mother like a stranger’ and his sisters essentially said that he would have to apologize to her even though we were in the right because she probably won’t apologize to us.
Almost a week later, she texted him an essay essentially blaming me for everything. She said that I want him to cut her off from his life and that I’ve always hated her; that I’m very rude when she asks how I’m doing, and that I physically recoil when she touches me. She also said she never kissed our son, even though we both saw it. It was a very mean message that was 85% centered around how terrible I am, even though the issue is her kissing our son.
So he decided to go confront her by going to her house. Well — he recorded the interaction because he knows that she’ll try and spin it to her sisters, and I can’t believe what I heard.”
“She hates my guts. Sounds like she probably always has. She says that ever since he’s been with me, he’s changed his relationship with her.
She also said he’s a bad son, and she doesn’t need parenting advice from him, and that his sister never had these rules for her. The Mayo Clinic says kissing is only ok after 8 weeks. She just kept digging her own grave for basically 35 minutes straight, kept belittling our rules, and finally said she never ever wants to see us again.
I feel so awful for my husband. Also, how am I supposed to explain to my child when they’re grown why they don’t have a relationship with their dad’s family? The ’no kissing’ rule seemed so easy and straight forward, and it ended up making his dad have a falling out with his own mom.
Is it going to seem silly in retrospect? Do you think there’s any way we can repair our relationship after how she acted and what she said about our family? It’s clear to me, she’s always hated me, which was honestly a surprise to me because until this happened I thought our relationship was basically fine. Not super best friends but fine enough.”
In the comments, people didn’t hesitate in offering advice to the new mom, and stand by her:
- “Also, how am I supposed to explain to my child when they’re grown why they don’t have a relationship with their dad’s family?”
It’s not really something that comes up if that’s how they grew up. I grew up seeing my mom’s mom often, but only saw my father’s mom three times in my life. That’s just how it was, and it wasn’t something I needed an explanation for. If, by some off chance, your child does ask, just be honest and tell him dad’s mom has some behavioral issues that led to you not feeling safe having him near her.
Let her stay gone. Seriously, she’s just throwing a tantrum to get you to chase her. It’s really not that deep. If she can’t follow one simple boundary, let her stay under her rock. Go on about your lives. © jaefreeze88 / Reddit
- Which sounds better to you:
Explaining why you let this woman disrespect you and your child their whole lives when they’re teens or young adults, or explaining why you made certain they didn’t get to do that when they’re teens or young adults?
This is about a lot more than kissing a baby. This is about having the love and respect for your adult son to follow one simple rule instead of behaving like a toddler demanding your way and repeatedly trying to force your will on them. Learning to set and maintain boundaries yourself will be a great lesson for your child. © RelativelyRidiculous / Reddit
- Keep your evidence and keep your recording.
Not only it’s always good to keep the folder, but also in the off chance that they’ll go no contact with you for years only to reappear when the baby is old enough just to spin the narrative — “we’re your real family who loved and missed you so much, but your horrible parents kept you away from us” — you’ll have a proof that, in fact, they saw themselves out because they wouldn’t follow the safety precautions.
Good luck 🍀 © tatiyana_queenguin / Reddit
- Why would you want to repair it? She said some awful things about you. And you have it on tape! She also said she never wants to see you again, so grant her wish there. She simply can’t be trusted, as she went nuclear over a simple, clear rule.
What do you say to the kids? Grandma wasn’t nice to us, and we don’t allow people who hurt us in our lives. Age appropriate, but I doubt they ask. © CalicoHippo / Reddit
Having a relationship with a family member crumble is something that happens more often than not. It’s even worst when it also ends up ruining special occasions, such as weddings. In this article, you can read stories about crazy wedding incidents that left those attending in shock.