My Parents Scheduled Me for Plastic Surgery Behind My Back—I'm Torn on What to Do

Parents are supposed to be a child’s biggest cheerleaders. I wish this were the case with me. Instead of making me feel confident in my skin, my mother often takes jabs at me and pokes at my insecurities, saying that she only “means well”. However, this time, I don’t know if my parents are actually being helpful or not. Do I take their advice?

Hi Bright Side!

I have found myself in a situation where I have two choices, each with its pros and cons, but I don’t know which path to take. I would greatly appreciate it if you would take their time to read my story and share what you think is the right thing to do.

My mother’s harsh comments stuck with me as a kid.

I recently found out my parents scheduled me for a plastic surgery consultation behind my back. They’ve had this on the calendar for a while apparently, but they only told me a couple of days ago. I was shocked, angry, and honestly felt kind of betrayed.

Growing up, my parents made little comments about how little “tweaks” to my face would make it better. My mom always said I would look “just perfect” if my nose was straight or if my lips were “more centered.” Throughout my life, she has been obsessed with touching my face and moving my skin a little to the side so it would look symmetrical in front of the mirror. It’s not like she was constantly making me feel bad, but those remarks definitely stuck with me over the years.

I struggled to accept my appearance for years.

As a kid, I started to really obsess over my looks because of those comments. I remember asking myself questions like, “Why do I look so off?” or “Is everyone noticing these weird features too?”

My mom was never directly malicious—she always framed it like, “I just want the best for you,” which confused me even more. In my head, “the best” meant that something about me needed fixing. So, I spent a lot of my teenage years wishing my face looked different, or comparing myself to other girls who I thought had the “perfect” nose or “perfect” lips.

For the longest time, I was super self-conscious. It took me years of therapy and self-reflection to accept my looks. As I hit my late twenties, I realized I’d been walking around with these insecurities that weren’t even truly mine—they were planted by external comments that grew into internal criticisms. After a lot of work, I finally started to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Now, out of nowhere, my parents made an appointment with a plastic surgeon to “fix” my face. They even went as far as having before-and-after photo ideas ready. I was initially furious, but I decided to go to the consultation—mostly to see what the surgeon would say.

The doctor’s opinion wasn’t what I was expecting at all.

I thought they’d just talk about maybe reshaping my nose or injecting something into my lips, the usual stuff. Shockingly, the doctor pointed out that I have a minor congenital birth defect on my upper lip, almost like a small scar or notch I’d lived with my whole life but never actually realized it had a name or a classification. He explained that it might be the reason my face looks slightly asymmetrical, and that it could be “fixed” pretty easily with a procedure.

Hearing that kind of threw me off. On one hand, I had finally found some peace with the way I look—I’ve learned to look in the mirror and like my reflection. But now I’m being told there’s this medical reason for my asymmetry, and that “fixing” it might improve my appearance.

Part of me wonders if this is something I should take seriously because the surgeon made it sound like a routine correction rather than a purely cosmetic change. Another part of me is wary because I don’t want to undo all the self-acceptance work I’ve put in. I’m also pretty hurt by my parents going behind my back to schedule the consultation.

I guess I’m just not sure how to weigh my long-fought self-acceptance against the possibility of getting a procedure that might make me feel more comfortable in my skin. I’d really appreciate hearing other people’s perspectives, especially if you’ve been in a similar situation. Thanks for reading.

Thank you for writing to us! Here are some recommendations on how you may handle this situation ahead:

Trust your feelings — If you’ve worked hard to accept and love yourself, don’t let external opinions shake that progress. Your confidence is valuable, and no procedure can replace true self-acceptance.

Take your time to decide — Don’t rush into anything just because your parents arranged it. Plastic surgery is a personal decision, not something to do impulsively. Think about whether this is something you truly want, or if it’s just lingering pressure from your mother’s past remarks.

Separate medical from cosmetic — Since the doctor pointed out a minor congenital issue, consider whether fixing it is something you want for yourself, not for aesthetic perfection. If it’s affecting your health or comfort, it might be worth exploring—but if it’s purely for symmetry, weigh it carefully.

Set boundaries with your parents — It’s understandable that you feel betrayed. Have a firm but calm conversation with them, letting them know that decisions about your body are yours alone. Make it clear that you appreciate their concern, but need them to respect your choices.

Seek a second opinion — If you’re still unsure, consult another medical professional. A fresh perspective might help you feel more confident in whatever decision you make.

Remember that you are enough — No matter what you choose, your worth isn’t tied to how symmetrical or “perfect” your features are. The most important thing is that you feel comfortable and happy with yourself, whether you opt for surgery or not. Your happiness and mental health come first. Beauty is subjective.

In another letter, a woman shared why she made the difficult decision to exclude her daughter from a family dinner. Read all about it here.