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“There Is a Woman: 30, No Children.” A Staggering Article About How Blind We Can Be to Other’s Feelings

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People always judge at a glance, because why getting deeper in the topic? Everyone feels like they are the best comic actors ever.
I have no idea how to handle such type of people. Ignore them?
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Some people can be really sensitive to what others say. But I agree, I think there is no other way other than to ignore their pathertic "jokes" and comments..
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This is beautiffuly put. There are also women and men out there who made a conscious decision not to procreate. They knew parenthood wasn't something they wanted. My hat is off to them, they got similar comments from people who don't know to leave these delicate topics alone.
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11 months ago
The comment didn't pass the sanity test.
I feel you missed out on the woman who has no children by choice and has to deal with people saying she doesn’t know what living is till she has a child and spends the night on her bathroom floor crying because she does know what living feels like just ina. different way, who cries when she starts to feel inadequate because her life is going down a path that is different to what society expects her to go down and there is no rule book or manual for that and she feels overwhelmed with choice and lost. Someone who is judged by her decision so feels she cannot speak about it around anyone who has children. I think you need to touch on this. As childless by choice women we are often forgotten and judged as we go against society’s norm but for whatever reasons we have chosen not to have children they must be respected. We should not be judged. We do not get maternity leave, we do not get extra benefits from the government... we are the forgotten woman...
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Thanks, Jennifer for saying this.

I was thinking the very same thing.

I appreciate the focus of the article but have been stunned on occasions when I've declared "I'm childless by choice!" to be met with responses that were less than than kind as if I had said something horrific.

I think MUCH of this article's focus on "blindness" and my own experiences as well are directly caused by this society's refusal to allow women to own and be responsible for our own bodies.

With so many people thinking that THEY have a right to decide what a woman can, should, and ought to do with our bodies, is it any wonder that we have been conditioned to such "blindness?!"
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I totally agree @Jennifer! Specially the judgment...I have had some frankly unpleasant reactions, mostly from women (selfish, not a real woman, cannot experience love and caring unless you have borne a baby). I don't hold back now, if pushed.
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I agree with all 3 of you. When I hit my 40's I no longer GAF what people thought about my CF status. I don't cry about things like this, it's not worth the tears. The only way we're ever going to be accepted is if we start getting more vocal about it. We can't just idly sit by and let people treat us like pariahs. Our decision not to breed is just as valid as the decision of those who do. We ARE the forgotten and the misused in the workplace. I personally feel we deserve some benefit for choosing not to add to the population problem and for picking up the slack of the individuals whose life choice keeps them from being able to work.
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Another woman out there: no kids. Gets asked when she will have any. Her response is a rough oh fuck that shit! I got sterilized. Then goes home to cry in frustration. Cries cuz no one respects the choice she AS WELL AS HER PARTNER have made TOGETHER but everyone thinks it is all on her head, not his (or vice versa). cries cuz both of them are so fucking tired of being told what to do. Cries because they both wish people would just fuck the hell off & live their own lives instead of trying to run AND RUIN everybody elses lives for them. Cries cuz they are told they will go to hell by stupid people who dont know their holy books (you go to hell if you dont get baptized genius....not about no damn kids!) cries cuz their pet(s) are more than enough but no one except them care.

Cries in anger by the way not sadness. Seriously people....just fuck outta everyone elses lives & stick to your own!
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Stop crying and start saying something. That's the only way things will ever change... if we DO something other than cry.
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Instead of toughing it out people need to say the truth. I don't want children/ I have had problems and don't (or maybe do) want to discuss it at the moment. Olive children and will have as many as I want.
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Truth! Speak the truth. . .
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Cannot agree more. So true!!
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I cannot express the way you have written..just beyond experience.. everyone s life is beyond questions..you nailed it..
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I am 30, with no kids. My husband and I have been trying for 8 years. We just haven't been able to conceive. I still struggle with a response when people ask me, "Why no kids?" I shrug and tell them, " Just not in the cards for us.", and I die a little more inside each time. Because it's such a common occurrence. It happens ALL THE TIME. I wish that people would just stop asking the question, or insisting that it WILL happen. Don't give out false hope, either. It makes it worse. I don't want to hurt their feelings and tell them that it's none of their business because it's usually friends, or friends of the family, or co-workers, people that I care about and that care about me. But inside I am screaming at them to please stop. Stop asking, stop caring, just stop.
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We have to learn to be comfortable with our choices and stop feeling like we owe others an explanation. We can realize that people mean well, but we should never allow others to make us feel as if we have “failed” if we don’t fit their idea of what a woman’s life should look like. I am that woman who at 40 only had one child because my second pregnancy was a burst tubal pregnancy that had to be removed in emergency surgery or I would have died. I’m also that woman whose husband died and I didn’t find love again in time to have more children. I’m content with my life, I love my one daughter. There are no failures in womanhood, we all must learn this and stop crying. However our lives turn out, one child, many children, or no children, each situation is a perfect opportunity for us to learn how to show love.
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Look people are going to say dumb things and we can't control it. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our reactions. I have two kids and I am satisfied, it irritates me when people ask me 'are you going to try for a boy?' but ultimately I don't care, because I know they would ask rude things regardless of my situation.
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Cries because she had one at age 34 then the husband left 9 weeks after the birth so she’s a single mother.
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I think you forgot to mention the single women who reach 30's & 40's who are never marred and cry a lot when they leave their friends' and relatives'' weddings where all people ask them why are they still single & blame them for "setting their standards too high".
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Single In her 40’s, no children, cries because people are ruthless.
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Hey women! I was so touched that I want to add my cries....but I thought I will not cry anymore and will fuckingly ignore such ruthless comment of insensitive people...and will stay happy and spread happiness....? only healing
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Annndddd...the women who don’t want children; who have made that choice and CONSTANTLY face the discrimination that, god forbid, someone would make the choice to not have kids. That there must be something wrong with them, mentally or physically. What about those women??
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We don't exist. At least society wishes we didn't.
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She cries as she has daughters and no sons and gets asked all the time when you trying for a boy? What happened to the ones I was blessed with? ?
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She cries because she's 34, zero children, and single. There's some of us that yearn to be a mother but their Prince Charming hasn't arrived yet and is devastated everytime someone younger than her gets married/pregnant. Friends on their second and third children. We're out there too.
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I am agree with it..really those people have no right to ask about our personal life. Because only we girls only know our problems n our soul what actually happened with us and how we feel for that.
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The first one is so sad and is my sister and best friend all over!!!! My heart goes out to them...,I've got 2 beautiful n healthy children n she's the best aunty xx
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I may share a smile.. If I would see a stanza

There may be a women who is single at late 20 s running towards her ambition not like a normal girl who get married and gave birth a child b4 30.. its actually a lot pain when people sarcastically passes comment without realising for wat u aimed at.. and it's my learning process .. many time felt depressed.. but I becam stronger and stronger towards my goal.. you are living for urself not for others...
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It is difficult in all these situations, because everyone is interested in your personal life. We had 7 children in 10 years. As a thirty year old, people commented so much and said things like "Don't you know what causes it?" "What's wrong with you, the world is overpopulated" and such nonsense. I had friends who tried so hard to get pregnant, and felt guilty for our fortunate pregnancies and adorable children. I had people whom I thought were friends leave, because "I was crazy to have so many kids"...

We worked from poor students to owning a house, keeping our children fed, happy, and healthy. We gave up our early lives (gladly) to our children. We had our own hardships, and life doesn't stop when the kids become teenagers, or even adults. Being a parent is a huge step, and a lifelong responsibility. I respect anyone who decides that none, one, or a hundred children is enough. Other people's lives are their own, and they choose how they live. Let's lift each other and respect other's choices. At the end of the day, we are responsible for our lives. :)
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Another woman: 65, no grandchildren . . . it never ends . . .
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Thank you for sharing. I feel this article could be amended to include a few more female voices. It's crazy how much the pressure to recreate (but by just the right amount!) affects all of us.
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How about noting that some of us simply don't want children and struggle (due to societal expectation and judgement cast upon us
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Woman, 46, no kids, hears "well that's just TRAGIC... It's not too late!", politely smiles as you would at a simpleton because she's at work and doesn't want to get fired. Goes home and doesn't cry because not all women are weepy over nonsense. Reads a blog inferring all women want kids and cry about every little thing, gets aggravated and types a snide response.

Just saying.
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