My Mother-in-Law Expects to Be Paid for Spending Time With Her Grandchild

When my M-I-L kept our son while we worked, we paid her. When we went out or left him with her other times, we did not.

y’all are not getting to the point….. THE MOTHER IN LAW… OFFERED…… SO NO! SHE SHOULDNT GET PAID TO FREAKING WATCH HER OWN GRANDCHILD….I lie to you not.. I tried to give my mother money for watching my daughter and she got OFFENDED! …. YOU SHOULD NOT BE GETTING PAID FOR WATCHING YOUR OWN GRANDCHILD!!! THAT WOULD MAKE MOST OF THESE PARENTS OUT HERE NOT WANT TO BRING THEYRE KIDS AROUND

If she is asking for it, if the parents are able, they should pay something. Who buys necessaries for the infant (which can be a considerable cost)? Would someone else be more loving, more expensive, more available? These parents are not newly weds, scrabbling for a living. They are a well established couple. Pay up and respect what your MIL is doing for you!

I have to agree with Linda. Maybe she cannot afford to spend "her" money on little things (that can add up over time). I babysat my for my brother and sister in-laws and it cost me more than I thought.

You wrote that your MIL also did dishes, cleaning, laundry and cooking in addition to caring for your daughter. That is huge! You come home to a meal already prepared and your spare time is not taken up with cleaning and laundry! You would pay much money for someone to come clean in your home. You would pay much to have someone cook for you as well. Perhaps your MIL offered at the beginning, but as time went by the extent of her offer seemed to be pretty huge. She will probably accept less money per day than hiring an outsider who, by the way, would NOT do laundry, cleaning and cooking. Your MIL has been generous to you and your acknowledgment of your appreciation may go a ways to moderate your resentment about her now asking for some compensation. The initial gift was still a gift and a big one. She is not asking for retroactive payment. She may be feeling that she is being taken for granted,
and a sincere expression of gratitude for her gift to this point will set a positive tone for this meeting with her.

It could be that she feels you are taking advantage of her and her generosity. I had my grandsons on Monday and then took them to day care on Tuesday, on my way to work. Even though she "OFFERED" was any payment discussed ahead of time? If not, she probably thought you would have OFFERED payment. A good honest sit down is in order.

So, she cleans cooks and spend her retired time watching the baby 5 days a week will you are at work. When she said she would watch them maybe she just assumed she would get paid. I am a grandparent I watch my grandkids as often as they let me, and I would never charge because it is a night here a night or day there. Not 40 hours a week. If you trusted her to watch your children, why would you want anyone else watching them plus you never said how much she is asking for? Also does she ever spend her $$ getting stuff that you need for the kids or dinner?

Step back DIL and think all she is doing for you. You sound like an entitled DIL. Your MIL raised her kids. If it was a drop in every once in a while, fine no payment. Taking care of your child is definitely a pleasure for your MIL but it is also alot of work. Besides doing dishes, cooking, cleaning and laundry, this lady sounds like an Angel that understands, being parents and working full time is alot. you should be bowing down to her and appreciating her like none other, instead you are reacting like she owes this to you. She raised a fine young man, if he wants his mother paid. Take your child to a daycare once and come home to dishes cooking, cleaning and laundry for a month. You will change your tune real fast. Quit taking advantage of her. She asked for payment for a reason. Pay up and a gift card once in awhile might not be a bad idea, to show your appreciation. I would never ask for payment because we don't need the money. Your MIL is asking for a reason

Dear, in your place I would take moo son and run away from husband and mother-in-law !!! if in situations like this you don't have the support of your husband, your child will grow up in a family where the word fight will always be present. Think carefully about your future choices. I had the same problem, and only after 18 years did I walk away from him. Now I am raising our 13 year old daughter, and have never had a second thought. Now we are much happier, and our daughter talks to her father again. Sometimes choosing is difficult, but the choices you have to make are for your child and what is and will be best for him. Good luck.

Why would you expect anyone to watch your child for free? Sure, a few hours here and there grandparents are happy to babysit. But doing so full-time while you work is a JOB!! She's probably not expecting real daycare wages, but you should offer her something, or ask her how much she wants.

I understand that when a grandparent offers to watch a kid, it makes sense not to pay them, but that only makes sense to me for occasional events like date nights, a weekend day here or there, etc. If someone is watching your child FULL TIME, then they should be paid, even if family. And if that's weird for you, then hire someone else instead (will probably cost more and provide less, though, tbh). Seriously, though, if she's doing a good job, I wouldn't look that gift horse in the mouth. Pay the lady.

in my opinion watching your child when you go out to dinner or an event is one thing, when she comes into your home im guessing 5 days a week to watch and care for them, do your dishes and laundry and make your meals for FREE is a totally different thing. Yes, she may have offered to help out but perhaps she might not have realized what is all involved, things tend to change over the years from raising your own children and grandchildren. Curious how you have shown your appreciation, have you paid any of her own personal expenses in exchanged perhaps if you had she might not be asking to be paid? What have you done on your side to show your appreciation other than words? You dont mention that and all these things come into play. Open discussion on this topic from both sides could help a lot and hopefully strengthen your relationship moving forward. Your child deserves nothing less.

Also think about the fact that not only is she watching your baby, but she does the dishes, cleans house, and helps with other chores... so she is not only babysitting but she is cleaning house too... a house cleaner is expensive too! As suggested, MIL recently retired, so is feeling unsure of herself financially... Maybe think of it as her taking care of the house as well as the baby... but should be discussed amongst yourselves in a non threatening and non accusatory way. Find out WHY she wants to be paid.

This is pretty simple. Pay your mil for watching your kid and cleaning and cooking…that is only fair. You would make out a lot worse in day care and you would have to cook and clean yourself. Secondly, when she babysits for you to go to a movie, shopping, etc. then no payment. She gets paid, as she should, for day care, cook, and maid work. She does not get paid for grandparent stuff like hanging out with the kids when she invited them over or you and your husband go out for fun. Stop laying last century’s expectations on a modern grandparent.

Hi, Depending on how you’ve already responded it might be easier to get through this by saying oh my gosh we were already thinking of offering some thing for payment but didn’t want you to be offended and then go from there offer her something what you can afford what may make her happy and keep everybody close and not divided divided.

There are many ways to "repay" your MIL for watching the kid and it doesn't nessessarily mean "Money". Talk about what she (the MIL) would be happy with. You may be surprised. Nothing is "free" these days. Even if it's family.. all of these things takes someone's time, effort, experience and so on. Just be fair and DO THE RIGHT THING! Caring for a child is alot of work especially if you're older!! Look at it from their prospective as well.
And what does your kid mean to you? Being cared for by a starnger who you have no idea what kind of person this really is deep down inside?????orrr your MIL who would definately be looking out for your baby's and your best interest!! Its NOT all about YOU! It's all about the best care for your kid!!!! This shouldn't even be questioned....my lord. Come to an agreement.

A grandmother's responsibility is to love and spoil her grandbabies, not raise them or serve as your free nanny/maid. An occasional (even a couple of times a week) sleepover is definitely part of the loving and spoiling. Multiple hours every day with cooking and cleaning your home is not. I absolutely LOVE spending time with my grands, but it sounds like there has been a transition from spending time with your child to being a caretaker for your child. If both parties are in agreement with that, that is perfectly fine, but it sounds like your MIL is not in agreement with the current arrangement. She is recently retired and now has a new full time job without pay. Does she have days off? If so, what happens with baby on those days?

So a couple of things here....I am a grandparent so I can speak quite freely.... If the parents are just making ends meet by both of them working just to pay the bills etc.

then perhaps I can understand their expectation of not getting paid. Now other scenario,,,,, If the parents drive expensive cars, have all the toys and whistles, fancy house etc. If they can afford all of those things then they can afford to pay their mother or mother in law. I would not babysit my grandchildren so my own kids can travel, both have nice vehicles and buy what ever they want.

Your mother-in-law is right. Thankfully there might also be a benefit for you and your husband. Ask your mother-in-law to fill out a form W9, pay her by checks, zelle, etc. She reports the child care income on her taxes and you and husband claim the child care credit on your taxes. Everybody should be happy at this point.

Wow! You sound like a part of the generation of entitled brats! Pay her with back pay.

Have you asked her why she feels the need to be paid? Before assuming anything, it is better to have a clear communication. May be she feels she is being treated like a maid. There could be so many reasons.

I think she is missing her job, after getting retired, it a new change for her to not working and babysit the kid. Respect her. Offer her support what she need, eventually she will accept her new life. And learn that not everything is for money. Few things are beyond money.

The BrightSide advisor missed the boat on this letter. Most grandparents will occasionally babysit their grandchildren without expecting to be paid. BUT this grandmother works 40 hours a week taking care of her grandchild and cooking and cleaning. This is a full-time job and she deserves to be paid. There's no ambiguity there.

I watch my Two granddaughters full time. 5 days a week my son & daughter-in-love pay me $100.00 a week.

You have to figure many things here. 1) what would you be paying for childcare?
What is your peace of mind worth? Isnt knowing the baby is with someone you trust?
I am a retired grandmother who watches mine. I have a good pension but maybe she doesn’t. Would she be doing a part time job if she didn’t have your baby?
I’m a little annoyed that you haven’t offered something before now. Isnt her time worth something? Seems entitled. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t love the baby…

If a grandma can do it for free that would be great. I know that I would if I could afford to do so. I am working and unable to afford to do so. However, she may need or want to be compensated for her time...maybe so she can go out and have fun on the weekend or take a trip or pay an outstanding bill or buy things for the baby or she needs to save some money etc...any way I look at it...it would be a win/win whether she gets paid or not. Also, if you didn't have her you would still have to pay someone.

I paid my own mom what I can afford to watch my kids because I have to pay a fortune to day care.

Your grandmother watch you for free and is it really your grandmothers duty?

Even when a person offered

Let’s say I’m your friend, I offer you to pay for your bday party because I’m your bff so you take it?
Isn’t it call relationship, there is give and take

It’s how we see life

We can the cup half empty or half full

If you rather have daycare watch your daughter, since you might prefer that. Then you can. :)

Personally I will pay my mother in law and even tell her how much I can afford and if she don’t mind that’s my budget

I paid my own mom because I can’t just take and take
I have to think what’s fair.

Hopefully we can all see things in different perspective to keep peace. Harmony!

Pay her!!!

I cannot believe the question and I cannot believe the response. Of course she deserves payment and you should have offered it. She would normally have a life of her own, which she has given up to take care of your children. I am sure she does not expect you to go into the poorhouse to pay her, but it sure does show a lack of appreciation that you do not feel she should get paid.

I would consider yourself lucky, you have someone you trust not only watching your baby, she cooks and cleans for you, yes you should pay her it's still her time, and if she wasn't available you'd be stuck depending on a daycare or nanny and they wouldn't be doing all the extras. Just sayin don't expect things from people, they don't owe you anything grandparent or not!

If Grandma babysits daily and helps around her Son and Daughter-in-Laws' house then she should be paid. Otherwise they should look for a Day Care or Nanny, which I am sure would cost much more.

But I bet you would be okay paying a stranger over family. Most who get offended do the ridiculous thing and go out and get a non-related babysitter who might not develop the same rapport or loving bond as your MIL. A reasonable pay these days is $600 just for childcare. Throw in another $200 for mild housework. She's Grandma!! So, make sure your child learns to celebrate her on Mother's Day, her birthday and teach your child to give gifts to her on special occasions.

Be happy it’s someone you know and will take good care of your child

Pay her she is doing other things you don't do in the house like cooking and the cleaning and she is on retirement pay so they don't get much to live off of so don't be entitled pay the poor women.

When my mom babysat our son while we worked, I paid her the going rate for daycare in our area because she was our babysitter. When she watched him for a date night or had an event, we did not. That was "grandma" time. We were so happy to have someone we trusted who played with him, fed him, took amazing care of him, read to him, and would take him if he had a fever or cold, and kept him if we were late because of a meeting or if we wanted to stop at the grocery store quick after work!

There is a world of difference between "spending time with her grandchild" and taking primary daycare responsibility everyday for 8-10 hours so you can work and not have to think about the fact that you and your husband are primarily responsible for the daycare and welfare of your child.

I am a grandmother to two lovely grandkids who are 5 and 2 years old. I have never been the primary babysitter for my grandkids but there have been times when I watched them for several days not at the same time, while my daughter and my son in law worked, and there were times when I watched one of them for a whole week or longer when both parents were away for a job trip. I have never asked them to pay me as these are my grandchildren I am taking care of, and I am blessed with a good retirement and i don’t need to earn extra money.

However, the grandmother in this discussion is taking care of baby full time, cooking, and other chores, deserves to get paid if she wants to get paid. And this daughter in law needs to show some gratitude and appreciation. Her mother in law may be retired and she may need the money, or she may be tired of taking care of a baby full time and doing all those other chores. She is retired and she should be enjoying life, and not be saddled with full time child care responsibility and household chores!

You’re very ungrateful to your mother in law (MIL). She didn’t get paid for 6 months and showed you she’s very dependable . It’s your responsibility to take care of your child not hers. Raising her own children is her responsibility but not her grandchildren. Most of the time, grandparents are being taken advantage because they offer free babysitting. I myself witness it with my own 2 eyes how my MIL was taken advantage by his own son and daughter in law. They paid here below minimum wage then dump their kids to her Mon - Fri and even on weekends because they want to go grocery shopping or whatever. If I were you, take time to think hard and long. Put yourself in here position. She’s old and babysitting is hard and the money she will be charging you will be put in her savings so in case anything happens to her , she will never be a burden to you and rest of the family. Or better yet , if you don’t want to pay her or anyone else ..why don’t you quit your job to take care of your son. Passing your responsibilities to your MIL and not get paid is still considered abuse. BTW, where is your own mother, ask her is willing to babysit your son for free.

Wow, what an ungrateful selfish child. Most of us would leap for joy, and be more than willing to have loving competent care for our children, related or not. Your husband is correct, YOU ARE WRONG, pay the woman and say no more about it. If you resent paying her, then hire some one else. You decided to have a baby, she offered you her help, your assumption that it would be, should be free makes you the A*****e. To be honest, I would have paid her from the start an have avoided this messy hurtful situation. You are an adult with children, start acting like one.
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It isnot just looking after your baby ( ie grandchild ) she also cooks & cleans.

My Grandma watches my children for me and she gets paid. If she didn't I wouldn't be able to work because she needs an income to be able to survive. She's retired but she still works by watching my kids while I work. I don't see a problem with your MIL wanting to be paid