16 Ridiculous Things Doctors Actually Said to Their Patients

Doctors are known for their expertise, but sometimes their remarks leave patients completely stunned, whether in confusion, disbelief, or surprise. A few unexpected words can either brighten someone’s day or leave them utterly speechless.

• “I smashed my left pinky toe into a door frame, hurt like a mother. Went and got it X-rayed and yep, fractured.
  A month later I’m at a routine podiatrist visit and my toe is swollen, purple and the toenail is black. I’m explaining to the doc that I fractured it. He looks closely at my mangled little piggy and says seriously, ’Yeah, you’re going to lose that toe.’
  What??!!! In about 3 seconds I went through shock of losing a toe, acceptance of losing a toe and determination to continue living without a toe when the doctor says... ’Sorry, I mean toeNAIL. You’re going to lose that toenail.’” DadsRGR8 / Reddit
• “I mentioned that I hated running, and my doctor said, ’Perfect! Run only when someone’s chasing you.’”
• “I’m a 43-year-old male. Doctor walked in real fast, head down, went straight to the sink to wash his hands. Said ’I have great news’ while washing his hands. ’You’re pregnant’.
  Turned around, looked at me and said out loud, ’Oh, wrong person.’” lifeless_clown / Reddit
• “I went to the ER for a weird numbness in my hand. After a quick exam, the doctor says, ’Looks like we’ll have to take it off.’
  My jaw dropped. Take what off?! Turns out, he meant my watch, since it was cutting off circulation. Cool, doc, real cool.”

• “I went to a podiatrist (foot doctor) about a nail issue. I was lying down on the exam bed as he was looking at my foot. He said, ’You have a really flat foot!’
  I looked up from the bed and asked what he said, as I didn’t hear him clearly. He proceeded to lift my foot by the ankle and says, ’Your foot, it’s very flat!’ And then proceeds to HIGH FIVE my foot to prove it.” babybiancadelrio / Reddit
• “We went to the doctor, worried about our son always being tired. The doctor thought for a moment and said, ’Maybe he’s just run out of dreams.’ We couldn’t help but laugh, and definitely not the answer we expected.”
• “Had a doctor quit casting my arm and say, ’Let me go YouTube it,’ before leaving the room.” PenaltyNext8736 / Reddit
• “Me waking up after emergency surgery because my appendix ruptured.
  Doctor: ’Pick 3 of your favorite foods you’d love to eat right now.’
  Me: ’Pizza, steak, wings.’
  Doctor: ’Those sounds amazing. Too bad, you won’t be able to eat any of that stuff for at least a week.’” MoistCloyster_ / Reddit

• “I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse.” Rosemary324 / Reddit
• “I went to the doctor because my hair was falling out in clumps. He looked at my head and said, ’You’ll probably go completely bald.’ My heart sank. Then he added, ’Unless you stop using that shampoo you’re allergic to.’”
• “I told my doctor I’d been feeling off lately. Without missing a beat, he said, ’Well, I can’t do anything about your personality, but let’s check your thyroid.’”
• “Cardiologist looked very confused when I went into my appointment with the man I call dad (actually my stepfather) knowing my dad (bio father) dying is what precipitated the discovery of my genetic heart issue in the first place. Basically, dad and I were having a conversation in which I called him dad when the doctor said, ’This is dad?’ Looking VERY quizzical, and we had to clarify that no, he was in fact my stepfather.” SwordTaster / Reddit

• “I went to the dentist with bleeding gums, worried something was wrong. The dentist said, ’Your toothbrush isn’t training for the Olympics, be a little kinder to your gums.’”
• “I basically woke myself up from a coma and pulled out my breathing tube. The doctor later apparently wanted to check if I damaged my vocal cords (can happen if you just yank the tube out). He checked if I was still awake and asked ’Can you say something?’ and I replied with ’Something’. He groaned and replied, ’Well, at least the humor is still functioning.’” SkaveRat / Reddit
• “During a checkup, I told my doctor I was always tired, no matter how much I slept. I was expecting some serious advice or maybe a test to figure it out.
  Instead, he smirked and said, ’Maybe your body’s just bored of sleeping. Have you tried staying up longer to keep things interesting?’ It caught me so off guard that we both burst out laughing. Not exactly a medical breakthrough, but at least I left with a smile.”
• “I asked my doctor, who had just performed brain surgery on me, how he got inside my head. He literally giggled, rubbed his hands together and said, ’Power tools.’” truthcopy / Reddit

After surgery, anesthesia can leave patients disoriented, but as it wears off, many get hilariously silly, saying the most random things. These people even forget the social etiquette.