Couples Who Argue More Stay Together Longer, Science Reveals
Couples who have experienced love and arguments understand the importance of making a relationship work. Whether it’s a passionate argument or a lighthearted joke, minor disagreements are mere hiccups in their love story. Witnessing two people who deeply care about each other engage in a friendly dispute is undeniably intriguing. Learn more about the power of love and arguments in building a lasting relationship.
1. Why some couples argue
Fighting in a relationship doesn’t always mean it’s in trouble. Arguing is a healthy form of communication that can shed light on different viewpoints and teach valuable lessons. Experts say mastering the art of arguing is crucial to a healthy relationship. To help you out, here are some tips to keep in mind:
- Watch what you say and avoid saying something you’ll regret.
- Avoid the need to always be right.
- Stay on track and focused during the conversation.
- Speak up as soon as you feel yourself getting angry.
- Listen to your partner’s perspective.
2. Arguing and fighting are not the same.
Effective communication is critical to any successful relationship. While it’s important to voice your thoughts to your partner, angry fighting can do more harm than good. Over time, you’ll learn what’s worth arguing about and what’s not. It’s okay to pick your battles and not bring up every little thing.
However, suppressing your emotions to avoid conflict is not healthy. A strong, loving relationship can handle disagreements without turning to anger. As bestselling author and motivational speaker Elizabeth Gilbert puts it, “You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.”
3. How to argue with your partner effectively
Disagreements in a relationship can be an opportunity for growth and learning. Arguments can allow couples to understand each other’s unique perspectives, beliefs, and individual identities when handled well. However, fighting about everything can become exhausting, so choosing your battles wisely is important. Here are some tips to help you handle disagreements healthily:
- Don’t insist on always being right.
- Allow your partner to finish speaking before responding.
- Stay on topic and avoid straying from the subject.
- Approach the conversation with kindness, respect, and a loving attitude.
- If you feel yourself getting too heated, suggest taking a break to cool off in a different room.
4. Tips for managing disagreements in a relationship
Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but knowing how to handle them is essential. Here are some tips that can help you manage conflicts with your partner:
- Focus on one issue at a time to avoid becoming overwhelmed and losing sight of the argument’s initial goal.
- Remember that you and your partner are working together to solve a problem, not against each other.
- Be mindful of your mental health, and don’t push yourself to the point of exhaustion just because your partner needs to vent.
- Establish boundaries, such as not yelling at each other or taking a break when things get too heated.
5. Why couples who argue love each other more
Disagreements in a relationship are natural and may indicate that both partners hold distinct viewpoints and beliefs. Avoiding arguments may create tension and withdrawal, as partners may hesitate to express their thoughts and feelings to avoid causing harm. This can lead to a lack of engagement and trust in the relationship.
Dr. Stephanie Sarkis said, “I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however — they argue. Something isn’t quite right if a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued. You can argue without fighting. Arguing is non-combative — you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice. Sometimes you agree to disagree — and that’s okay.”
Sarkis continued, “Figure out your ’non-negotiables’ — the things you will not budge on. Now rethink that list. I like the saying; You can either be right or married.” However, happy and loving couples listen to each other and show mutual respect, even during challenging conversations. They hold their ground while being vulnerable and don’t shy away from arguments but instead approach them with a mindset for growth.
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