“I Barely Made It,” Elliot Page Expresses Gratitude and Lets Us Peek Into His Personal Life
Since coming out as a transgender man back in 2020, Elliot’s page life story has been one of the most inspiring tales of self-acceptance and courage. He has been open about how happy he is to live as a man, proudly sharing a few pictures on Instagram with his new body. Lately, he had been teasing us with his new book called Pageboy. In the book, he shares his thoughts and life experiences for the first time.
He feels grateful to be here and to be alive.
At 36, Page isn’t afraid to speak out about his life and feelings, and he knows that his word can significantly affect LGBTQ+ lives. “My experience as a trans person and this life I have, and the privilege I have does not represent the reality of most trans lives. I think it’s crucial, I think we need to feel represented and see ourselves, you know, that’s not something I had liked as a kid. The reality is trans people are disproportionately unemployed, disproportionately experience homelessness. Trans women of color are being murdered. People are losing their healthcare or can’t access it.”
But just because he had a great career doesn’t mean his transition journey has been easy. “There’s obviously been very difficult moments. I do feel like I kind of barely made it in many ways. But today, I’m just me and grateful to be here and alive and taking one step at a time.”
Starting his career with the hit movie Juno, Page knew from very early on that he liked women and felt awkward in his female body. But being catapulted into fame from age 20 may have made him more apprehensive about trying to be who he felt like.
The first time he kissed a girl.
In the first chapter of his book, Elliot opens up about the first time he met a girl and liked him back. “I met Paula when I was twenty. Sitting on our friend’s couch, eating raw almonds with her knees to her chest, she introduced herself, ‘I’m Paula.’ The sound of her voice radiated warmth, a kindness. It wasn’t so much that her eyes lit up but that they found you. I could feel her looking. We went to Reflections. It was the first time I had been to a gay bar, and would be my last for a long time.”
At the club, Elliot seemed to not care about other people watching over him kissing a woman. “Shame had been drilled into my bones since I was my tiniest self, and I struggled to rid my body of that old toxic and erosive marrow. But there was a joy in the room, it lifted me, forced a reaction in the jaw, an uncontrolled, steady smile. Dancing, sweat dripping down my back, down my chest. I watched Paula’s hair twist and bounce as she moved effortlessly, chaotic but controlled, sensual, and strong. I would catch her looking at me, or was it the other way around? We wanted to be caught. Deer in the headlights. Startled, but not breaking.”
Everything was so new to him, but he found the courage to ask her if he could kiss her. “And then I did. In a queer bar. In front of everyone around us. Everything was cold before, motionless, emotionless. Any woman I had loved hadn’t loved me back, and the one who maybe had, loved me the wrong way. But here I was, on a dance floor with a woman who wanted to kiss me, and the antagonizing, cruel voice that flooded my head whenever I felt desire was silent.”
He continues, “We leaned in so our lips brushed, the tips of our tongues barely touching, testing, sending shocks through my limbs. We stared at each other, a quiet knowing. Here I was on the precipice. Getting closer to my desires, my dreams, me, without the unbearable weight of the self-disgust I’d carried for so long. But a lot can change in a few months. And in a few months, Juno would premiere.”