I Dumped My Husband on Our Dream Vacation — He Made Our Daughter Cry for No Reason

Even the most harmonious marriage can end up facing an obstacle that looks more like a mountain block. One such confused Bright Side reader wrote to us for advice, wondering what turned her normally sweet husband and father into someone who refused to listen to reason.

This is Cassie’s letter to us:

My husband and I finally decided to go on our dream vacation. We have been married for 20 years and this is our first vacation alone, after more than a decade. Not surprising since we have three kids — two daughters, aged 17 and 10, and a 12-year-old boy.

We left the kids at home, with our eldest daughter in charge. She promised to take care of everything. We had just checked in when we got a panicked call from her. Like a responsible teenager, she had done the laundry and the dishes, and settled in her siblings for the night. She tried to take a bath after completing the chores, but there was no hot water.

She thought she had broken the hot water supply because it was ice-cold. I tried to help, but my husband yelled at her to manage on her own, and slammed the phone down, while she was sobbing. I was furious and asked my husband how a teenager could handle a plumbing or electrical issue.

My husband had the audacity to tell me that he had deliberately changed the hot water supply to run only once a day, so that she could get accustomed to “real world” problems. Not once did he tell me that he was planning something like this. I tried to reason with him that it was her first time alone, but he was so adamant and stubborn.

I left the room. Once calm, I called the maintenance guy and asked him to fix the hot water supply, and then told my daughter what had happened. She told me her dad had called her and yelled at her some more for ruining our vacation, and I am hopping mad at my husband.

A day later, my husband sheepishly tried to apologize. He apologized for yelling, but still feels he was right to prank our daughter. He claims this is how she will learn how to tackle problems. I am still furious and don’t know how to address this issue.

What do I do?

Cassie

Thank you for writing to us, Cassie, we feel your frustration and hopefully, can help you to fix your problem. We also applaud you for standing up for your daughter, who seemed to be doing a great job. Clearly, your parenting skills are on point. Here’s are some steps to take to resolve this family issue.

1. Open communication lines with your husband, and daughter.

Open communication is key to solving any issue in a family, and you may need to take the lead here, so get to the crux of the matter. Your husband may have acted a bit strangely, but it seems he is worried about your daughter’s future, and her ability to handle what the world throws at her.

You could start with love, by telling your husband how much you appreciate his obvious interest in your daughter’s welfare. Once you’ve made this positive beginning, you can go on to explain that his behavior, or prank, may not have been the best way to show her the way ahead.

2. Understand the reason behind his peculiar behavior.

Talk more about why he felt that he needed to prepare her for the worst. Has he seen something in her behavior that suggests she’s a bit fragile, or ill-prepared for the future? Does he know something you don’t? Was he parented this way?

Make a game plan together, and ask him to include you in any such future decisions. Good parenting needs to come from both parents. Remind him that it’s this very parenting that turned her into a responsible teenager, and can help her prepare for any circumstance in the future as well. Gentle parenting is known to be far more effective, so why not keep it that way?

3. Ask your daughter to take her concerns directly to her father.

While you need to communicate what you feel to your husband, your daughter also needs to talk to her father in the same open, and honest way. She needs to tell her father how he made her feel, why she panicked, and why yelling at her made her cry and feel bad about herself.

On the same note, you may want to encourage your husband to apologize to your daughter for his harsh words. A genuine, heartfelt apology can help alleviate any hurt and move the family forward as one unit.

4. Forgive, and move on.

As a family, don’t hold on to grievances. Once the apologies are said, accept them and move on. Use this conflict as a learning point, and gently guide each other into better behavior to avoid any future misunderstandings. What is done, is done, and now it’s time to move forward.

We hope this helped, Cassie, and we are sure you will be able to resolve this issue and become an even stronger family.

Relationships need constant work and attention, whether they are bound by blood, or choice. Here’s another story of a woman who was shocked by her husband’s words, at a time she really needed him the most.