I Excluded My DIL From Mother’s Day—She Is Not a Real Mom

A woman, 64, is facing backlash after sending Mother’s Day gifts to her daughter and pregnant DIL, but leaving her another DIL out. Things got heated after words, “You are not a real mother.” Does being a mother truly depend on raising children, or is there room for other forms of parenting? Read the full story and weigh in.

I (64F) have three kids, and they are all married. My son’s wife is expecting next month. My daughter has recently had her kid (my grandson). My other son has a wife, Jenny. She struggles with infertility and has no children.

Everyone was busy for Mother’s Day, and they couldn’t meet up with me for the holiday. I thought it would be nice to send my expecting DIL/son and my daughter a Mother’s Day basket.

So Jenny always made comments that her two dogs are the first grandkids. I thought it was a joke. She is big on being a dog mom.

My daughter posted a picture in the group chat of everything she got for Mother’s Day and included the basket. My other DIL also thanked me for her basket in the chat.

Jenny called me soon after and asked where her basket was. I was confused and asked what she meant. I thought she was pregnant, and she was just telling me now. She clarified that I have two grandkids by her already and said her dogs’ names.

I was even more confused at this, and she said that she is her dog’s mother and should have gotten a basket. I told her she is not a mother. Mother’s Day is for women who raise human children and not pet owners. She got really upset and cursed me out for not getting her a basket, and that she is a parent.

My son is telling me to apologize and to send a Mother’s Day basket over. He is calling me a j**k for not sending her a basket and telling her she is a pet owner.

The commentators under the post split into 2 groups. The first group claimed that she is NOT a mother, and having dogs doesn’t make her one.

• I understand that her infertility might be hard for her, and she loves her dogs, but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t make her a mother. While people may love their pets (I love my dog), the reality is they aren’t children. © AiofeCherish / Reddit

• I’m sympathetic to her struggles, but she is being unreasonable. As much as I love dogs, dogs are not human children. It makes no sense to expect a Mother’s Day gift if you have never been pregnant or have adopted children. She probably needs counseling. © thechaoticstorm / Reddit

• As harsh as it may sound, Mother’s Day is about mothers who are human and have human babies, whether biologically, through adoption, surrogacy, or fostering, it is meant for human mothers.
  You can love your pets like your child, but that doesn’t mean others have to follow the same narrative. Being a parent to a pet and to a human are two vastly different things. They cannot be compared, no matter how hard we try.
  I don’t think that you should apologize to your DIL or give her a gift basket. © BoredofBin / Reddit

• Ask your son what he did for his wife. He was really quick to jump on you and demand an apology and a gift. I get he probably wants it smoothed over so he isn’t having to hear his wife complain about it, but really, what did he do for her? © LlamaMama56 / Reddit

The second group insisted that infertility is a tough place, so showing some kindness would be helpful.

• Since she struggles with infertility and Mother’s Day, and knowing your other DIL is pregnant must be very hard for her, it would have been a nice gesture. © InAppropriate-meal / Reddit

• I’m sure with her infertility struggles, Mother’s Day is a really difficult day for her. It’d be nice to acknowledge her feelings in some way. © Ok_Impression_7737 / Reddit

• Infertility is insanely isolating. Maybe it would’ve been nice to give her a small gift as well, not as a Mother’s Day gift for her being a dog mom, but just to include her and not further make her feel so alone. Just an idea, and simply out of kindness. © cola_zerola / Reddit

• The gifts are being posted in the group chat with the woman who is struggling with her fertility? Assuming they knew, it was thoughtless at best and mean at worst. © throw-me-away-fam / Reddit

• Lady, you’re cold as ice. You know she’s sensitive about it. You know she wants to be a mother. Gee, do you think she might be having an extra difficult time this year with everyone fawning over a new baby and one on the way?
  What would it have hurt you to make her feel good? You could’ve thought she was nuts all you wanted in private, but a small gesture from you would’ve been huge for her at a very hard time. So what if she thinks of herself as a mother to her dogs? Get off your sancti-mommy high horse.
  And by the way, your other DIL isn’t a mother either. She’s pregnant. She isn’t raising a human child, as you put it. © Oberyn_Kenobi_1 / Reddit

• You don’t seem to have much sympathy for your DIL, and I’m sure that comes across to her, and that’s why she reacted how she did. © frozenoj / Reddit

And then there happened to be the third group, consisting of people who noticed the odd wording of the post author. She seemed to blame her DIL only for the infertility issues.

• Did anyone else pick up on the “Jenny struggles with infertility issues”
  Like no, Jenny and your son have infertility issues. Why are you putting the blame solely on the woman? © BirdFew426* / Reddit

• I just want to say that infertility issues are 50/50, meaning half the time it is a male factor and half the time a female factor. I feel like it’s commonly just blamed on the woman. Not sure what their specific case is, but it’s insensitive to refer to infertility as solely her issue. It’s *their* infertility.
  But to answer your question, it is unreasonable of her to request a gift basket and not ok to cuss you out. © stargazer_hazel / Reddit

In another story, our reader learnt a shocking secret about her stepdaughter that she couldn’t keep. Moreover, she made the revelation in the most unexpected place. Read the full story here: My Stepdaughter’s Fiancé Desperately Wants Kids, but He Doesn’t Know She’s Infertile