I Fired the Nanny for My Granddaughter’s Safety—but My DIL Doesn’t Agree

Family & kids
3 weeks ago
I Fired the Nanny for My Granddaughter’s Safety—but My DIL Doesn’t Agree

Leaving your children with strangers is easier said than done. It can always end in disaster. In this story, Paula finds herself having to convince her son that her babysitting while he was out on vacation with his wife is better. But instead, he chose a nanny for the job.

This is Paula’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I’m a retired widow with a son. He got married and had a daughter, Emily, whom I love so very much. I enjoy weekly visits, every Saturday morning, just to play with Emily. One day, my son and daughter-in-law wanted to go out for a couple’s vacation. I insisted that I stay with Emily, but my DIL said she’s hired a nanny whom she trusted. I didn’t like the idea of leaving my granddaughter with a stranger, but didn’t say anything.

When they left, I decided to come for a surprise visit the next day. What I saw next horrified me. The so-called trusted nanny was in the kitchen making a huge mess. That wasn’t the only mess. The whole house looked like it had been flipped over. I yelled at her, “Where is Emily?!? She calmly said that she as sleeping in her room. I was furious and demanded that the nanny leave.

But she looked at me and refused. She said, “My boss is the only one that can fire me, you’re not her.” My blood was boiling. So, I threatened to call the police and only then did she leave. When my son and his wife came back they were shocked to find me caring for Emily with no nanny in sight. When I told them about everything that happened, my DIL stormed out angrily to call the nanny back.

My husband asked me to leave. They went radio silent for a week, and all this time I was worried that they’d bring back that wretched nanny. Should I visit them again?

Paula O.

Your reaction came from a place of worry.

Kari Short
hour ago

I think you over reacted and you owe everyone an apology. A messy house doesn't equate to child abuse...you better get on your best behavior before they restrict you from seeing your grandchild...

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Cheryl Cadwell
2 weeks ago

Hey Bright Side, your advice is SO WRONG. The child was NOT ALONE. Most houses with children in them are messy. Grandma is a bully and she will be lucky if they let her see her grandchild again.

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barbara Nivens
3 weeks ago

No you shouldn't. You didn't just overstep boundaries you blew them down. So what if the house wasn't up to your standards? Of course they asked you to leave.

You owe your son and Dil an apology but especially the nanny. Threatening to call the police overv a messy house? Wtf is wrong with you? Of course they don't want you to babysit . And never never go over without being invited.

Having a tantrum because they didn't want you babysitting smdh. Sounds like they don't want you around the baby without supervision. And you proved why.

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Bryoney Blakley
3 weeks ago

Did anyone else notice how this grandmother started her whole scenario? She makes it clear that she loves her son and her granddaughter. Doesn't mention DIL. This is very revealing, at least to me, in regards to the nature of the relationship between herself and her DIL. As is the fact that the grandmother has weekly Saturday morning visits. It immediately demonstrates a very clear boundary set by the son in support of his wife. The fact that the grandmother showed up for a surprise visit reinforces why her own son might have started setting boundaries with her. Not to mention, as others have pointed out, the house being a wreck is very subjective. The nanny in fact knew exactly where the granddaughter was and what she was doing. Also, as others have said, there's no reason that the house needed to be perfectly clean at that moment in time. If the granddaughter was napping then the nanny had likely been playing with her all morning, hence the mess. My instinct tells me this grandmother has zero tolerance for any kind of mess. This woman beautifully left a lot of information out of this letter. Which clearly demonstrates manipulation and shading the truth. The fact that her son so clearly sides with his wife is another strong indicator of just how much has been left out of this grandmother's letter. Granny clearly overstepped her boundaries and will be lucky if she's allowed to continue seeing her granddaughter. I wonder if she ever sees her granddaughter without at least one of the parents present?

Final thought: did anybody else notice at the end where she refers to her son as her husband? She clearly starts out by saying I am a widow- which is completely irrelevant to this story but makes a strong case for the manipulation I mentioned earlier. But in the very last paragraph she says my husband asked me to leave. Because the daughter-in-law had stormed out. I am very familiar with this kind of relationship dynamic and how unhealthy it is. Like I said, a lot of information has clearly been left out of this.

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Sara Kelly
3 weeks ago

That wasn't worry. Stop placating grandma. She's a bully and spoiled woman. She had no right to do this.

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Stephanie R.
3 weeks ago

You stormed in like a battleship ready for a fight. They went on a vacation and were responsible adults, hiring a nanny who they trusted and not "dumping their kid on your doorstep". You saw her making a mess in the kitchen, how? Was she cooking dinner or lunch? You have no right going into someone else's home and firing who they hired because you are butthurt. Take a breath and let them know you would love to watch Emily instead next time but since you were childish and acted like an arse this is probably why they hired the nanny in the first place.

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Thank you for sharing your story with us, Paula. You had every right to react this way after seeing your granddaughter left alone and in a wrecked house. The sheer recklessness of the nanny would make anyone in your position angry. Plus, the audacity of her response triggered the escalated response.

Understand their perspective.

Your son and his wife made a plan they thought was safe. To them, your surprise visit might have felt like you were checking up on them and didn’t trust their judgment as parents. When you kicked out the nanny they hired, it probably felt like you overstepped, even though your intentions were 100% pure.

What you could do now.

You’ll want to give them time before reaching out. Maybe wait another week. Then, apologize for how you reacted, not why you did what you did. You could say, “I am sorry I overstepped and took matters into my own hands. I should have called you first instead of kicking her out myself.”

Don’t feel bad for trying to protect your granddaughter. Trusting your gut is usually the right call in urgent situations like these. Just look at how these people saved their lives by trusting their gut feelings.

Comments

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Julie McNeely-Kirwan
3 weeks ago

I don't agree with your response. The child wasn't alone. She was taking a nap--and the nanny was apparently taking that time to cook. (Because how else would she be making a mess in the kitchen?) Maybe the nanny was planning to pick up once she finished cooking. Did OP ask? No. To me this reads like OP used a pretext to go ahead and do what SHE wanted, completely overriding the parents. DIL should change the locks and go No Contact

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Sara Kelly
3 weeks ago

Grandma definitely wasn't worried. She was angry that they didn't choose her. What right did grandma have? She will be lucky if she ever sees that kid again.

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Brittany
3 weeks ago

For once I actually disagree with brightside. The grand daughter was not left alone. She was asleep in her room. What was she supposed to do, sit in the room while she slept? You didnt like that they hired a nanny, and you went over. You would have caused problems no matter what. Oh no, the house was a mess and she was in the kitchen cooking. Heaven forbid. And then to threaten the nanny that you are going to call the cops? Besides a very sincere apology to the nanny, you should also pay her full wage for what she would have earned.

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Lindsey Madison
3 weeks ago

IF this is a real story, you sound like a total PIA Paula. There's a reason they didn't ask your nosy, overbearing a** to babysit. You're probably the kind of person who will rearrange their kitchen because "your way is better", or you'll go through their things/bedroom. The nanny should have called the cops on YOU. You were there uninvited, you threatened her and you TECHNICALLY took a kid you weren't supposed to be in charge of. If you were my MIL, the locks would be changed, and your Saturdays with Emily would be
O-V-E-R. They're never going to leave you alone with the kid now, and any credibility you had with them left with the nanny. Talk about a COMPLETE screw up, you literally could not have handled that situation any worse. Well done, way to blow it. 👏🏼

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Fran
2 weeks ago

You shouldn't have taken it upon yourself to fire the nanny.

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