I Stopped Helping My Parents Financially—Their Revenge Was Cruel

Family relationships are complicated, and sometimes the people we expect to support us the most end up hurting us instead. Today, we bring you a story from Carter, a man who found himself torn between helping his parents financially and protecting his own young family. What seemed like a simple decision turned into an emotional storm that left him questioning everything.

His letter to Bright Side

Hello Bright Side,

My name is Carter, I’m 34, and I feel like my whole world is upside down. I never imagined I’d be writing something like this, but I’m lost and don’t know if I did the right thing.

For years, I’ve been sending money to my parents, Lorraine and Victor. Almost half of my paycheck went straight to them. I told myself it was my responsibility as their only son. I thought it was love, or at least what love should look like. But now life is different. Selene, my wife, is pregnant with our second child, and we already have a toddler who isn’t cheap to raise. Bills, rent, medical expenses... It’s been crushing us.

Last week, I told my parents, “We’re low on cash. You’ll have to manage on your own for a while.” They nodded quietly. I almost felt relieved. But the very next day, I came home to find Selene in tears. She said my mom had already called her, saying things like: “Your husband has turned cold. He’s abandoning his own blood. If he stops helping us, don’t expect us to be part of your family anymore.”

Then, as if that wasn’t enough, my dad sent me a message: “If you cut us off now, don’t come crawling back when life spits you out.” Reading those words felt like a knife in my chest.

Since then, it’s been nonstop. My parents started calling relatives, painting me as selfish and ungrateful. My aunt texted me, “Your parents sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay them?” It feels like everyone’s turning against me.

Here’s the problem: I don’t know what to think anymore. Selene tells me I need to stand firm, to finally put our little family first. She says, “Carter, if you don’t cut the cord now, we’ll never be free. Our kids will suffer because you’re too scared to say no.” And maybe she’s right. But every time I hear my parents’ voices, dripping with guilt and disappointment, I feel like I’m betraying them.

I’m stuck in the middle, between the family I was born into and the family I chose to build. And honestly, I don’t feel like a winner at all. I feel torn apart.

So I need to ask: Am I cruel for pulling back? Or is this just what it takes to finally grow up?

Thank you very much for reading.

Carter.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Carter.

You’re in a very painful spot, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, here are some ideas that might help you navigate this moment and maybe even find some peace:

• Flip the script in conversations. The next time your parents accuse you of “abandoning them,” calmly ask: “What would you do if you were in my shoes, with two kids to support?” This forces them to consider your perspective instead of staying in their own narrative.
• Offer non-financial help. If money is the main battlefield, show them love in other ways: invite them over for dinner once a week, help with errands, or include them in your kids’ milestones. Sometimes, presence can soften resentment more than money.
• Try a family “budget showdown.” Sit down with your parents and show them your real numbers. Let them see where every dollar goes: rent, groceries, medical bills. It might shock them into understanding you don’t have hidden cash lying around.
• Set a “trial period.” Tell your parents: “Let’s try six months without financial help and see how it goes.” Framing it as temporary can ease their fear of “forever abandonment” and give you space to breathe.
• Ask for an “exchange.” If they want help, ask them to give something back: childcare, house repairs, anything. This balances the relationship and shows them that support can go both ways.

Carter’s story shows just how painful it can be to draw boundaries with the people who raised us. What do you think? Should children always support their parents, no matter the cost? How would you handle this situation if you were in Carter’s shoes? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. And if you want to read more stories about families in conflict, check out this other article about a woman who faced heartbreaking problems with her father.