Family relationships are complicated, and sometimes the people we expect to support us the most end up hurting us instead. Today, we bring you a story from Carter, a man who found himself torn between helping his parents financially and protecting his own young family. What seemed like a simple decision turned into an emotional storm that left him questioning everything.
Hello Bright Side,
My name is Carter, I’m 34, and I feel like my whole world is upside down. I never imagined I’d be writing something like this, but I’m lost and don’t know if I did the right thing.
For years, I’ve been sending money to my parents, Lorraine and Victor. Almost half of my paycheck went straight to them. I told myself it was my responsibility as their only son. I thought it was love, or at least what love should look like. But now life is different. Selene, my wife, is pregnant with our second child, and we already have a toddler who isn’t cheap to raise. Bills, rent, medical expenses... It’s been crushing us.
Last week, I told my parents, “We’re low on cash. You’ll have to manage on your own for a while.” They nodded quietly. I almost felt relieved. But the very next day, I came home to find Selene in tears. She said my mom had already called her, saying things like: “Your husband has turned cold. He’s abandoning his own blood. If he stops helping us, don’t expect us to be part of your family anymore.”
Then, as if that wasn’t enough, my dad sent me a message: “If you cut us off now, don’t come crawling back when life spits you out.” Reading those words felt like a knife in my chest.
Since then, it’s been nonstop. My parents started calling relatives, painting me as selfish and ungrateful. My aunt texted me, “Your parents sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay them?” It feels like everyone’s turning against me.
Here’s the problem: I don’t know what to think anymore. Selene tells me I need to stand firm, to finally put our little family first. She says, “Carter, if you don’t cut the cord now, we’ll never be free. Our kids will suffer because you’re too scared to say no.” And maybe she’s right. But every time I hear my parents’ voices, dripping with guilt and disappointment, I feel like I’m betraying them.
I’m stuck in the middle, between the family I was born into and the family I chose to build. And honestly, I don’t feel like a winner at all. I feel torn apart.
So I need to ask: Am I cruel for pulling back? Or is this just what it takes to finally grow up?
Thank you very much for reading.
Carter.
You dont owe your parents anything. They chose to have children. You have no responsiblity to support your parents, esp after you get married. And for them to expect you to is upsurd. If the rest of the family thinks you should, tell them to give up half their paycheck and send it to them for a while bc you have your own family to support now. Your wife and kids come first from now on.
What you are is a spineless pansy who's wife should divorce you and take you to the cleaners!!! You dont owe them anything especially for raising you which is the bare minimum a parent is supposed to do when THEY CHOSE to have kids!!! Start worrying about your own damn family before you dont have them anymore! Moron!
What is your point exactly for name calling? You can write without hatred and ignorance. Remember that.
I have done my fair share of name calling (and I wish I hadn't), but calling him the names that you used, speaks of a VERY TROUBLED MIND. He is trying to do the right thing and keep his relationship with his parents. I agree that he needs to put HIS WIFE AND KIDS FIRST, but he doesn't deserve your vicious response. He is asking for some perspective from others that have been there, NOT from someone that can't manage their own issues, so they take it out on someone else. He is not a pansy, he is trying to be a supportive son, and his SELFISH AND GREEDY parents would rather have his money, and nothing else. They are the morons here, and for the purpose of this post, SO ARE YOU!
Wow, so much anger in one small paragraph. I think someone's projecting their own issues into the letter writer and believe some therapy would help with all that misplaced anger.
Look at that, WE ACTUALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING.
Wow. That was a little harsh, dont ya think?! You dont have to be so nasty when youre making a comment to somebodys story to make a point.
They’ve learned to live on your income. Their entire life is going to change. It’s called Reality. It sucks. Do NOT bend, or give in. The gratitude for all you’ve done for YEARS apparently vanished in an instant. Guilt and Greed seem to be the life blood of this parental unit. The family badmouthing you can pony up some money if they care SOOOO much. Block calls, block that stupid Facebook and every other thing these assholes are using to bug you. Greed is an ugly monster. Keep to your immediate family, wife and kids. That’s what a responsible person does. Good on you sir!
Can't help wondering why a man would even START giving half his salary away. Now instead of feeling appreciative, the parents are playing victims. Their current behavior reflects an insane attitude of entitlement. Think : do you really need to have this type of grandparent morality as an influence on your kids? Maybe distancing is the best.
Why do people ask AM I CRUEL, WAS I WRONG? Do you want your children to be played by their grandparents if they don't kow tow to their every command? You have already sacrificed too much, and YOUR FAMILY (wife and child & future children) are the ones that are paying for it while YOU ARE PAYING YOUR PARENTS TO DO IT! Do you want to spend the rest of your life paying for people who only think of you as a wallet while the people who matter are treated like they have to sacrifice for them too? Grow a spine and tell them NO MORE MONEY. If they choose to cut you out of the picture it is and will be their loss. If they can kick you out of THE FAMILY, well then, I guess they don't NEED YOUR MONEY AFTER ALL.
You're not cruel. Your parents are. Block them from your number and tell them to grow up and take care of themselves. You're going run your own family into the poor house and yourself into the ground if this continues. It's okay to put yourself and your family before all else including your controlling manipulative parents.
What sort of parents rely month after month on financial support from their children. That is so nutz to me. If they have chosen to retire and now find they are unable to afford the things they once could then they need to scale down and cut things out. How in the world they can make you feel like the bad guy let alone unashamedly admit to other family members they've been taking your money and still feel entitled to more...wow! Your money is for the welbeing of your wife and children only. No one else. What kind of grandparents would be ok with taking from their grandbabies anyway
Go no contact. Tell the other relatives to send them half their checks.
That’s what I say, if the family wants to chime in with their opinion that NOBODY asked for!!!
Lol right 👍
You did too much for them. You basically spoiled them to the point, now you tell them no they throw a tantrum.
Don't feel bad for wanting to support your new family. They are your parents. It's their job to raise you and take care of you. They did that. Yes, it's good to help them out, and very generous, but they shouldn't take advantage. In fact they should have accepted the decision and been grateful for what you had done for them.
Take care of your family. Do what's right by them. If your parents can't accept that then they don't need to be a part of your life anyway. As difficult as that sounds, it's true. I wish you and your family the best. Congrats on the new baby as well. Good luck.
Your parents are emotionally manipulating you. After all you done for them and it's still not enough? Let them cut you out of their lives. Just remind them they'll no longer have access to their grandchildren. As for the rest of the family either change your number or block them.
Wow. No good deed goes unpunished. Your parents are selfish, entitled and manipulative. Shame on them. You went above and beyond helping them for years. You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. Your wife is right. It is NOT your problem if your parents didn't financially plan for themselves. They should be ashamed of themselves for being intentionally cruel and dragging other relatives into this mess. Depending on how abusive these people get you may need to block them until they come to their senses.
Is is a cross- cultural expectation? I eonder becsuse of the reactions of the relatives.
You’re in a very painful spot, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, here are some ideas that might help you navigate this moment and maybe even find some peace:
Carter’s story shows just how painful it can be to draw boundaries with the people who raised us. What do you think? Should children always support their parents, no matter the cost? How would you handle this situation if you were in Carter’s shoes? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. And if you want to read more stories about families in conflict, check out this other article about a woman who faced heartbreaking problems with her father.
Number one: Why is he supporting his parents? Are they medically incapable of working? Crippled? Mentally incapacitated?
Number two: Calling a pregnant woman and laying a severe guilt trip on her is so low as to be in the gutter.
Number three: Demand to see their financial records and set them up a budget. Chances are good they've got quite a nest egg put aside.
I'm confused. People are guilting you by saying your parents took care of you when you were a child. So that means they understand that a parent's responsibility is to take care of their children. So then shouldn't they support you in making sure that your kids get what they need and they're not suffering so that their grandparents can mooch off you and their mother? Because if you're supporting your parents then who's supporting your kids?
wow
