You make a very wrong decision for inviting without asking for permission. You make it even worse by saying the word that you have say to your daughter in law. And the worst is, you don't even know that you are wrong. If I am the son, I will bring both my wives and apologies to them outside the house (if I know what you have just said to my wife).
I Invited My Son’s Ex-Wife to Thanksgiving Dinner — It Ended Tragically

Holidays are meant to bring families closer together, but for Olivia, this Thanksgiving took a heartbreaking turn. Hoping to create a special moment for her grandchildren, she invited her son’s first wife to dinner. However, her decision enraged his new wife, leading to an explosive conflict that spiraled into a holiday nightmare. Distressed and seeking guidance, Olivia reached out to us for advice.
Olivia’s letter:

Yes you did something wrong. You should have respected your daughter in law and discussed with her that you wanted to invite the ex for the kids sake. That was very disrespectful since you are living in their house. I am sorry to say but I would make you leave to go and live somewhere else.
Don't be surprised if they find you a nice apartment on the other side of town to limit your interference
Are you kidding me!?!? You are actually asking if you did something wrong? It's not your house number one and number two, YOU created this entire mess. If your son had any spine, he would have told his ex to leave and to take you with her. Shame on you!
You said it much nicer than what was going through my head - 👍
Did I do something wrong? 🤦🤦🤗. Yes, yes you did. You shouldn't have invited anyone, especially the ex, to someone else's home. You're lucky that all she did was leave instead of throwing you and your "guest" out. And be honest with yourself, you did it on purpose. Don't ask "why doesn't she invite me over for anything? I don't understand why."
Vindictive is as vindictive does. They may just not have thought of it or there may be a very good reason you choose to ignore that she is not invited, it's not your choice, especially without running it by them. Your son didn't go with her - was he on your side or did he not want to leave his kids alone with his ex and his vindictive mother? Do you even have a valid reason to stomp all-over your present daughter-in-law or is it just that she isn't your ex- daughter-in-law, either way you were in the wrong.
Yes it's not your place to invite people without asking you son and Dil if it's ok, I think secretly you want to sabotage your sons marriage, in hopes of getting your other Dil back, you are not in the marriage and your constantly interfering could get you put out of the house, remember he divorced the dirt one, so there must have been good reason for it, things you may not know, youre a guest in their home act like it, or beware
You were not only wrong to a level I can't stresses enough, you ruined any chance of a possible co-parenting relationship between all parents. You are truly a vindictive b****!
You live at your son AND daughter in laws house. You had no right to tell your daughter in law she was less family to you than his x wife. When she left was when it stopped being peaceful. Start looking for another place to live because she will throw you out and never speak to you again.
Yes you ruined it and you could do it at another location but no you have to do it your way
Olivia is toxic and manipulative, her actions were not genuine in anyway otherwise she wont have secretly invited the ex who seems ti have forgotten why she's the ex. Then to inform the current wife that the ex is more family than her what about all that says you wanted a peaceful or wonderful Thanksgiving? Her son has no spine and shouldn't have let his mother treat his wife in such a disrespectful manner. Your way of handling is not good either, coz no way I was leaving my house, everyone would know my displeasure in a very uncomfortable way.
You had no right at all to invite anyone ANYONE AT ALL TO SOMEONES HOUSE THAT WAS NOT YOURS!!! THIS WAS DISRESPECTFUL!!! If I was your daughter-in-law I wouod tell you you had 30 days to find a new place to live and if my son disagreed with me then I would be gone!!! Shame on you, you have some nerve!!!
I agree with you!
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𝐰𝐰𝐰.Richnow05
STOP LITTERING!! THAT DOES NOT BELONG HERE!
I think, I can never earn over which I paid by my precedent employer, but I was wrong, world is so large to try their fate. but now I am making $52/h even more,and easily earn minimum $1300/week, on the experience everyone must try to do work online, easy way to earn, here's an example.
𝐰𝐰𝐰.Richnow1
Hi Olivia! Thank you for sharing your story. We've prepared some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.
Apologize for undermining your daughter-in-law’s role.

Recognize that by inviting your son’s ex-wife without consulting his current wife, you unintentionally disrespected her position as the head of the household and a part of the family.
Apologize directly to her for saying, "She's more family than you are," and explain that your comment was driven by concern for the children, not an intent to dismiss her role. Reaffirm her importance in the family and commit to consulting her for future decisions.
Propose a separate celebration for the children’s parents.

To avoid future conflicts, suggest organizing two separate celebrations for the children—one with their mother and another with their father and stepmother. This approach ensures the kids enjoy quality time with both parents without forcing everyone into a potentially volatile situation.
Emphasize that this solution is about the kids’ well-being and minimizing tensions, not about taking sides.
Set boundaries and clarify living arrangements.

You truly have caused a shiv to form in your relationship with your daughter- in- law, and truthfully by living under the same roof while navigating this betrayal, you really should stay somewhere else for a while. Give her space to get over what you did, but continue a weekly dinner or something agreed upon by all until she can face you without that feeling of hurt. I'm not saying a permanent change, but maybe a month or two with another family member. (Not the ex-DIL, please) I know I'd be too hurt to want to deal with you daily right after something like that. I'm just saying my feeling on the matter. If what you've tried so far really hasn't worked, maybe you should give this a go.
Since you live in your son’s house, recognize that the dynamics require extra care. Sit down with your son and his wife to define clear boundaries regarding household decisions, especially when it comes to family events.
Offer to abide by their rules as the homeowners, even if it means relinquishing some influence over the grandchildren’s celebrations. This shows respect for their home and authority.
Address the police incident with calm and firmness.
Acknowledge that your daughter-in-law’s decision to call the police was extreme, but approach her calmly. Express how the incident deeply hurt and disrupted the family while focusing on how to move forward.
Suggest counseling for the family or even individual therapy for her if her feelings of being unwelcome persist. Make it clear that involving authorities unnecessarily is harmful to everyone, especially children.
Norma, another mother-in-law, found herself in a heated conflict with her son’s new wife after going against the vegan bride’s wishes by serving a full meat barbecue at the wedding. What should have been a joyful celebration quickly turned into chaos, leaving relationships strained and the wedding day overshadowed by tension. Here’s the full story of how it all unraveled.
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