I Refuse to Get Married to My Fiancé After What His Mom Told Me

When love feels perfect, you never expect the real danger to come from his family. After three blissful years together, I finally met my fiancé’s mom, and what she whispered when we were alone shattered everything I thought I knew about him.

Here’s an email we received from Hailey and her story:

Hi, Bright Side!

So, I (f23) have been with my fiancé (m24) for 3 years. I love him, or at least I thought I did. We had what felt like a great relationship: we supported each other, shared dreams, all that. The only thing missing was meeting his mom. She lived out of state, so our paths just hadn’t crossed until 2 weeks ago. I kind of wish they never had.

The very first time I met his mother, she asked if I was “properly taking care of her boy.” Feeding him, doing his laundry, cleaning the house. I said yes, though it stung, because I juggle one job and college, and when I get home, I still cook and clean while he either naps or plays video games.

When we were alone, she asked if I was a stay-at-home fiancée. I told her no, I work and study. Then, she dropped a bombshell and scared me. She told me to quit my job, drop out of college, and “focus on being a good wife.”

She said, “Dear, it’s time for you to know that my son is supposed to be the breadwinner.” She explained that their family has this tradition, and it has stayed for generations: only men can work and lead an active social life, while women are expected to stay at home and be the keepers.

Later, at the dinner, I explained I want to become a lawyer. She looked at me like I’d announced I wanted to join the circus, then turned to my fiancé and said he deserved someone “better.” He just sat there and agreed.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, a week later she came back with her suitcase. Literally moved in with us “for a couple of weeks” to “help me prepare for marriage.”

Which in her world meant following me around the kitchen showing me how to cook “real meals,” lecturing me on how often a wife should vacuum, and once even trying to rearrange our closet, so I’d “stop dressing like a teenager.” I felt like I was in some twisted domestic bootcamp I never signed up for.

That night, after she once again told him he deserved better, and he nodded along, I broke off the engagement. Packed my stuff and left. He asked why, and I told him, “Because you already believe you deserve better.” He said I was “making a big deal out of nothing.”

His family thinks I overreacted. My mom says I must find a compromise and not burn the bridges. I don’t think I blew it out of proportion, I just took them at their word and walked away. So... Am I overreacting?

Bright Side community reacted with explosive comments.

• PixelGarden_92:
  “Girl, you didn’t overreact. If your fiancé is already agreeing with his mom that you’re not ‘good enough,’ imagine what marriage would be like. You dodged a lifelong roommate situation with his mom.”
• BrickOven_Dad44:
  “My wife and I have been married 27 years. The only reason it works is because we treat each other as equals. The second one partner decides the other is ‘less,’ it’s over. You made the right call.”
• LavenderByteX:
  “Unpopular opinion, but his mom just wanted to preserve her family’s tradition. Some people value old-fashioned roles, and that’s okay. You weren’t aligned with them, so leaving was the right choice.”
• NeonCrow13:
  “My ex’s mom used to sneak into our apartment while we were at work and fold our laundry ‘the right way.’ It sounds funny now, but it made me feel like a child in my own home. Your situation gave me flashbacks.”
• Sunlit_Tea33:
  “He literally nodded when she said he deserved someone better. That’s the end of the story right there. Not worth fighting for someone who already agrees with that statement.”
• RustyAnchorX7:
  “I actually don’t see the harm in his mom wanting to teach you her ways. She probably thought she was helping. But the problem is your fiancé not defending your choices. That’s the dealbreaker.”
• SilentLoom88:
  “Funny how she wanted you to quit college and give up your dream, but if you did, they’d probably later say you weren’t ambitious enough. Can’t win with people like that.”
• CloudPiper_21:
  “My grandma was the same way with my mom. Always criticizing, always saying she wasn’t raising us right. My mom stayed and it destroyed her self-esteem. You got out early. Good.”
• WiredFox_19:
  “I’m torn. I get why you left, but three years is a long time to throw away. Maybe counseling could have helped? He might just be too attached to his mom to see clearly.”

• Jellyfish_808:
  “My boyfriend’s mom once asked me if I knew how to iron his shirts. I laughed and said he irons mine. She never brought it up again. Sometimes setting boundaries early works wonders.”
• RetroDiskette7:
  “It feels like you were marrying not just him, but his entire family’s outdated mindset. You saved yourself decades of unpaid labor and resentment.”
• GoldenPine47:
  “I was raised in a very traditional household. My dad worked, my mom stayed home. It worked for them because she wanted it too. Forcing someone into that life is cruel.”
• Dandelion_Skies:
  “The way your fiancé just sat there while his mom moved in with a suitcase is wild. Like... did he even ask your opinion? Or was it just assumed?”
• QuantumToast_4:
  “I honestly don’t think you overreacted. You reacted to what was clearly presented to you: they want a submissive wife, not a partner. You’re not that person.”
• VioletInk_55:
  “I know people will say ‘tradition,’ but tradition doesn’t mean much if it crushes someone’s dreams. My aunt gave up nursing school to ‘be a good wife.’ Now she’s 60 and full of regrets.”
• MapleSyrup_404:
  “Compromise works when both sides respect each other. His mom didn’t respect you, and he didn’t respect you. That’s not something you can fix by just compromising more.”
• SilentRadio66:
  “I kind of sympathize with his mom. In her mind, she’s probably passing down wisdom. But she should’ve realized that times change and not everyone wants to live the way she did.”

• OceanLens92:
  “I think your mom’s advice about compromise comes from a different generation. Back then, women were told to ‘just endure.’ You don’t have to repeat that pattern.”
• IronPetalX:
  “My ex’s dad once told me to stop ‘distracting his son with my ambitions.’ That was the clearest sign I’d ever get that I didn’t belong in that family. Your story reminded me so much of it.”
• BlueCircuit59:
  “Even if you loved him, love doesn’t erase fundamental incompatibility. You want a career. They want a housekeeper. That clash was never going away.”
• GhostLattice88:
  “You didn’t overreact, you just listened. People show you who they are, and he showed you he’d side with his mom every time. That’s all the information you needed.”
• Lunar_Mint7:
  “I actually admire you for leaving so decisively. Many people would drag it out, hoping things would change, and lose years in the process.”
• PixelHarbor99:
  “My husband’s mom is very traditional too, but the difference is he tells her firmly that I make my own choices. That’s why we work. Your fiancé never stood up for you, and that says everything.”
• EmeraldEcho24:
  “Honestly, I don’t think his mom is the main villain here. It’s him. Parents will be parents, but a partner’s job is to have your back. He didn’t.”
• FrostedGlass42:
  “It stings now, but someday you’ll look back and thank yourself. You were being groomed for a life of cooking lessons and closet inspections. That’s not love, that’s control.”

Advice from Bright Side team:

Dear Hailey,

Think of this not as a breakup, but as early graduation from a course you never signed up for: Domestic Servitude 101. Your ex and his mother offered you a lifetime syllabus of vacuuming drills and dream-crushing lectures. You, wisely, chose law school instead.

Keep chasing that courtroom, because the best revenge against outdated traditions is standing tall in a profession that thrives on evidence, and you already proved theirs was weak.

A woman experiencing a difficult time in her five-year relationship turned to online communities for guidance. Following a heated argument with her fiancé about finances, she questioned whether she was justified in standing her ground against the man she loves.