I Refuse to Give My Bonus to a Coworker Just Because She Is a Mom of Three

One of our readers shared how a surprising request from his coworker put him in a tough position. She asked for his bonus, insisting he didn’t need it as much, leaving him unsure how to react. Should he report it or handle it quietly? Get the full story.

Hello, Bright Side,

So, my coworker said I have to give her my bonus because I don’t have kids. I laughed it off at first, but she was dead serious. She added that I don’t have any responsibilities and she needs the money more. I politely refused. She said that I’m being way too selfish and need to think about children, as they always come first. Since I don’t have any, it would be nice of me to think of someone else instead of covering my needs only. I just stood there, frozen, with a tea bag halfway in my cup, wondering what in the world just happened.

I’d always thought we were close. I covered for her when she left early due to childcare, taking on her workload. I couldn’t help but feel completely taken advantage of. The whole situation felt bad. Like, too bad. Especially with how adamant she was that I should just hand it over. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do next. Do I tell our boss about what happened, or just keep my distance from her?

Then, the next day, our boss called me into his office. I wasn’t prepared for what he said next. Apparently, one of our other colleagues overheard the conversation and immediately reported her to HR. He asked me to come to the meeting and confirm the details of what happened. I’m torn. Part of me feels like I should speak up, but I’m also hesitant. Should I really get involved in all of this? She is the mom of 3, so this feels like not a very necessary drama for her.

Jim

Hi Jim,

It can be incredibly awkward to find yourself in a situation where someone is expecting something from you that feels completely out of line. It sounds like you’ve already been generous by taking on extra work for her, so her request is especially out of left field.

Given the gravity of the situation, here are a few practical things to consider:

• Since your boss has already asked you to attend the HR meeting, it’s crucial to go in prepared. You don’t need to become entangled in a drama, but your confirmation of the details can help HR take proper action. Be clear and concise about what happened, sticking to the facts. If your coworker has taken advantage of your kindness before, mentioning those instances without making it sound like an ongoing personal conflict will give HR a full picture.
• Going forward, start documenting any situations where you feel uncomfortable or unfairly treated. For example, if you’re asked to take on her tasks again, make a quick note of it. This way, you’ll have a record if this pattern of behavior continues, which might help should you need to refer to it in the future.
• It’s worth asking yourself how this situation fits into the work culture. If you’re someone who tends to be generous with your time and efforts, it’s good to check whether you’ve unintentionally become a person others rely on for favors or if it’s a situation of one person pushing boundaries.
• Since your coworker is a mother with three kids, it’s understandable that she might be struggling. However, that doesn’t justify the entitlement she displayed. Your decision to speak up could help her reflect on how her actions are affecting others, but you should also think about your own well-being. If it becomes a case of repeated personal requests, you might need to reassess your level of involvement.

In the end, it’s not your responsibility to fix her problems or make sacrifices that affect your own peace of mind. If she continues to act out of line, you may need to distance yourself from her requests, but do so in a calm and professional manner.

Best of luck, and we hope the situation resolves in a way that’s fair to everyone.

Take care,
Bright Side

Saying “no” should be enough, right? But what happens when it isn’t? These stories show just how far some people will go when they don’t respect your boundaries: 11 People Who Just Refuse to Understand the Word “No”