Thanksgiving is supposed to be a warm family holiday, I know. But this year it feels like a burden I don’t want to deal with. Family should always be welcomed, but what do you do when someone starts taking advantage of you and calls it love?
I used to think saying yes to everything made me a good daughter-in-law. Now I feel like things have spiraled too much, to the point where my MIL doesn’t respect my boundaries.
Hi, thanks for reading my story! I really need an outsider perspective:
My MIL helped us through our worst days, and I really am grateful. When my husband lost his job years ago, she helped with groceries and watched our kids for free. She even helped out with our rent for a long time. I never forgot that.
But after my FIL passed away, everything changed. She’s coming over all the time. She calls constantly. She expected favors like we owe her.
At first, I thought she was lonely, then it turned into her relying on us too much. I tried to be patient, but it got overwhelming fast.
She has been talking about Thanksgiving for weeks, I haven’t even asked her to come! She kept saying how excited she was and how it will feel like a real family gathering again. And look, I get it. Holidays are emotional.
But I NEED a break. Hosting is expensive and exhausting. The turkey alone is pricey, plus all the groceries, plus the cleaning, plus prepping the house...it’s all too much. If my MIL doesn’t come, we can just have a relaxing, normal, family day without judgments.
So I finally told her, “It’s $38 per plate.”
I said it as calmly and as respectfully as I could. I thought it was fair. If she wants to come over for a full holiday dinner family experience, she should pitch in like everyone else. It felt like a normal boundary to me. But oh well. She turned such a simple thing into a full-blown drama.
She looked hurt and started crying. Not little tears, full crying. I froze when she pulled out a $50 bill, put it on my table, and walked out without saying a single word. I tried calling her, but she ignored me.
I feel bad, but I also feel like she’s trying to manipulate me. $38 is a reasonable amount, Thanksgiving prep is not cheap. Leaving money the way she did is such a childish tantrum.
Later that night, she finally took my husband’s call and told him I humiliated her. She said she wanted to be alone for a while because she feels unwanted.
Now my husband is furious. He said he is going to spend Thanksgiving with his mom, which means he is leaving me and the kids at home. He thinks charging her was cruel and disrespectful. He isn’t even listening to why I did it.
I can’t help but feel like she is turning this into something bigger to make me look like the bad guy...should I be the bigger person, go to her house and invite her over for Thanksgiving still? Technically, she already paid for it...
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I think you are a total ingrate. Your mother-in-law paid your rent for a long time, helped you out with the kids and gave you help when you needed it because she thought of you as family and that's what you do for family. She was looking forward to a family Thanksgiving and you treated her terribly. I hope you learn to be a better person. Perhaps your children see this behavior and will treat you as shabbily when you want to spend time with them.
You are def the bad guy....Like, shockingly massive gaping a$$hat kinda bad guy.
What the hell is wrong with you? How can you even sleep at night knowing how you acted? She is a lonely woman who just wants someone to spend time with. She was always there for you no questions asked and now you treat her like a complete stranger. Hope people treat you better than you're treating her. Shame on you. How do you even look at yourself in the mirror? You're awful.
You were cruel and way out of line. If you're overwhelmed, have her bring some side dishes and just provide the turkey. If the house isn't clean, oh well. You have a husband and kids. They have hands to do cleaning and cooking. If I was MIL I would be upset as well. She bailed you out when you were in trouble and now you do this. WTH?
So terrible. Did you charge all your family 38 dollars a plate? And I'm sure they did not help pay your bills and rent when needed. Shame on you
