I Refuse to Let My Adoptive Parents Decide My Future in Silence

Families are often praised for love and second chances—but behind closed doors, loyalty can fracture quietly. Emma grew up believing she’d finally found home, only to discover her adoptive parents were hiding something dark behind her back.

Here’s an email we received from Emma and her story:

Hi, Bright Side,

I’m Emma, and I’m currently facing a family situation that I can’t share with anyone in my surroundings. So, I’m an adopted child in my family. Three years after my parents adopted me, they had my sister. She was very clearly the favorite. It wasn’t subtle, but I learned early not to say anything about it.

When college came up, they told me I’d need to pay my own way. Loans, jobs, whatever it took. Meanwhile, they’d been saving for my sister since she was born. One night I finally asked, half-joking, half-hoping, “So... don’t I have a college fund too?”

No one answered. Just silence.

A few weeks later, I overheard my dad whispering to my mom late at night. He said, “She can’t know about the trust fund her grandparents set up. If she finds out, she’ll leave.” I stood there frozen, trying to process what I’d just heard.

Turns out my adoption story wasn’t what I’d been told growing up. My birth parents were teenagers and not married when I was born. Their parents stepped in to “protect the family name” and pushed for the adoption.

But they didn’t disappear. They set up a trust fund for me so I’d always be taken care of financially. For life.

So yeah, I didn’t have a college fund. I had something much bigger that was deliberately kept from me. And realizing my parents knew about it the whole time... that part still hurts more than the favoritism ever did.

I don’t know what to do in this situation. I’ll be happy to get any advice from people who won’t pass by my story and will want to help.

— Emma D.

Thank you for sharing your story, Emma.

We appreciate your trust in opening up about such a layered and emotionally charged situation. Family, adoption, money, and secrecy are a volatile mix, and your experience shows how easily “good intentions” can turn into long-term harm. While we can’t replace professional help, we can offer grounded, practical guidance to help you move forward with clearer footing.

1. Verify the Trust Fund—Quietly and Independently.

From a legal standpoint, trust funds don’t disappear just because someone keeps them secret. If your grandparents set one up, there will be documentation. Start by consulting an estate or trust attorney without involving your parents.

A lawyer can help you determine whether you are a named beneficiary and under what conditions the trust can be accessed. This isn’t betrayal—it’s due diligence.

2. Understand Your Legal Rights as an Adult Adoptee.

In many jurisdictions, once you are a legal adult, you may have the right to access certain adoption or financial records, especially if they involve assets in your name. Laws vary widely, so a family law attorney or legal aid clinic can clarify what information you’re entitled to and how to request it properly, without escalating family conflict prematurely.

3. Separate Financial Truth From Emotional Loyalty.

Legally speaking, money held in trust for you is not a favor—it’s an obligation created by the trust’s terms. Emotionally, parents often frame secrecy as “protection,” but the law doesn’t operate on guilt or fear of abandonment. Try to treat this as a financial matter first. You can process the emotional fallout later, ideally with a therapist who has experience with adoption dynamics.

4. Don’t Confront Until You’re Prepared.

Once you confront your parents, you can’t put the information back. From a practical standpoint, it’s better to gather facts, documents, and legal clarity first. If a confrontation happens, you’ll want it to be informed and controlled, not reactive. Many attorneys recommend written communication or mediated conversations when money and family history intersect.

Blended families come with a unique set of problems. These issues can cause rifts in a marriage or even end up tearing a family apart. One of our readers reached out to share the recent experience he had with his wife and the choices that led to his divorce.