I Refuse to Let My MIL Stay With Us Unless She Agrees to My Rules

When one mom agreed to let her lonely mother-in-law move in, she thought setting a few ground rules would help keep things smooth. But instead of gratitude, she got accusations, and a husband who shockingly took his mother’s side. Now, she’s wondering if being fair also made her the villain.

The letter.

Hi Bright Side,

I’m in a tough spot, and I really need a neutral perspective. I recently returned to work after being home with my three young kids, and like many working moms, I’m struggling to juggle everything—meals, laundry, childcare, and work stress.

My lonely MIL offered to live with us and look after our kids.
I wasn’t thrilled. But she helped us buy the house, so I agreed.
Still, I knew this arrangement could go sideways unless we were clear from the start.

So I set my rules. When she found out, she panicked. I’m shocked that my husband took her side! Here’s what I asked for:

• She would pay for her own groceries.
• She’d contribute to basic chores—an extra adult means extra mess.
• If she wanted special meals, she’d prepare them herself. I can’t cook custom meals for everyone on top of everything else.

I truly believed those were fair requests. I’m not asking for rent or anything unreasonable—just basic consideration so the weight doesn’t fall entirely on me.

But instead of being understanding, my MIL immediately went to my husband and told him I was being cold and unwelcoming.
He didn’t ask me for my side—he just got angry and said I was “treating his mother like a stranger.” That really hurt. I thought we were a team.

Now things are tense between all of us. I feel disrespected and dismissed, but I also don’t want to be the reason this family falls apart.
Did I overstep? Or is this just another case of the daughter-in-law getting blamed for setting boundaries?

Sincerely,
Jasmine

5 Supportive Pieces of Advice for Jasmine

• Setting boundaries isn’t cold—it’s smart.
  Jasmine, you didn’t slam the door in your MIL’s face—you welcomed her with structure. Boundaries like shared chores or groceries aren’t harsh; they’re necessary to avoid burnout, especially with three kids and a new job.
• Your husband needs to hear your side, calmly but firmly.
  He reacted emotionally, but this is your home, too. Find a quiet moment, share how his reaction made you feel, and explain that your boundaries were about fairness, not rejection. You need his support, not silence.

• Reframe the rules as shared family values.
  Sometimes it’s about how we say things. Instead of “you need to do chores,” you might try: “It helps the whole family when we all chip in.” Reframing can ease tension and make your MIL feel like part of a team, not a tenant.
• Talk to your MIL directly—if you’re ready.
  This can feel intimidating, but a gentle, honest conversation can help reset the dynamic. Express appreciation for her offer and the help she’s already given—then explain your needs as a mom, not an enemy.
• Protect your peace and your kids’ environment.
  Stressful adult tension affects the whole household. If living together creates more chaos than calm, it’s okay to revisit the arrangement. Love doesn’t mean living under one roof at all costs.

Before you head out, be sure to check out our next article all about Henry Cavill’s daring new look. The transformation has fans doing double takes, with many saying he’s nearly unrecognizable. It’s a bold change that’s sparking tons of reactions—and you’ll definitely want to see it for yourself.