Family loyalty can be beautiful, until it turns into some unwanted drama. One reader shared her story about being pushed too far when generosity stopped being appreciated and started being expected. What began as helping out her 90-year-old grandmother turned into a shocking case of entitlement.
All this shopping the grandchild has been doing for granny has been happening for years. Granny took a long time getting to this mean side. It sounds as if she was a lovely person to not just this grandchild but some other family members as well. The fact that there has become such a steap decline so quickly could be an indication of a medical issue and instead of worrying about groceries I think worrying about some doctor visits and medical consultations may be more important
I would recommend taking your grandmother to see a doctor, preferably a geriatrician. It sounds like she might be in the early stages of dementia.
Hey Bright Side,
My 90-year-old grandma, whom I love JUST SO DEARLY, has always been strong-willed. I admire her for that. But lately, I feel like she’s taking advantage of me just because she knows I won’t say no. For years, I’ve been the one buying her groceries. Every week (rain or shine), I’d go to the store, get everything she likes, and deliver it to her door. At first, I didn’t mind. She raised my mom, took care of all of us when we were kids. I wanted to give back.
But things started to change. She began asking for more and more (expensive brands, imported fruit, specific pastries from a bakery across town). Then she started calling me in the middle of work, demanding I bring them “right now.”
YTA. How can you deny your grandmother who took care of you. You're an unappreciative ungrateful jerk who should do anything for her. What would your life been like without her.? She's being truth about your mom not speaking to her like that. Get someone who appreciates her not a jerk like you. You'll miss her when she dies.. Doesn't she get SNAP or social security? Can't some else help you paying for her groceries?
“You’ll understand when you’re my age,” or “If your mother were alive, she’d never speak to me like that.” The last straw came last weekend. I had just paid my rent and couldn’t afford another grocery trip right away. When I told her, she sighed and said, “So you’re letting your grandmother starve?”
That hit me hard. I drove over with what I could: bread, milk, and some fruit. When I got there, she looked in the bag and said, “No steak? No cake?” I froze. I realized she didn’t see it as help anymore... she saw it as her right. That’s when I decided: no more weekly groceries. I’ll visit, I’ll help when I can, but I’m done being her personal delivery service.
They say I should be grateful she’s still here and that “money comes and goes, but family is forever.” But none of them are the ones paying for her groceries or missing work to shop for her. So now I’m wondering if I’m really heartless for finally putting myself first?
— Anastasia
Gurl, you know you are not wrong, everyone was ok as long a you were covering. There should have been an account made where they could deposit funds to help with gas and groceries. Your gmomma became a spoiled brat, which shows that no one helped her the way you do. So backing up is the better thing to do. Let her call another family member to help her. She will call you crying and apologizing.
First off, Anastasia, thank you for sharing your story, because what you’re describing is something a lot of people go through but rarely talk about. There’s a huge difference between helping out of love and being emotionally manipulated. You’ve shown care and consistency for years. Setting limits doesn’t erase that kindness; it protects it.
Older relatives sometimes forget that the world’s changed: bills are higher, schedules are tighter, and burnout is real. But it’s not your job to single-handedly carry the weight of her expectations. Here’s what you can do: gently but firmly explain that you’ll still visit and help with essentials, but you can’t fund or fulfill every request. Maybe suggest setting up grocery deliveries or asking other relatives to share the responsibility.
Tell Grandma that you are not a free purchasing and delivery service anymore, that you are still willing to go out and buy and deliver but you can no longer afford the actual purchase price in your budget anymore on your income. Grandma needs to go on a grocery run with you and reacquaint her self with prices on grocery shelves ( for myself I know steak of any kind is rare big sale and discounted item type purchase )
bye grandmama~~
Time to stick that old goat in a home, ungrateful crusty bitch
Why are you paying for grandmom's groceries? If she doesn't have the funds for food, help her find social services in her area. Set boundaries. Grandmom, I can get your groceries in this day every week. Do not call me at work or expect me to leave work unless you have a real emergency. Tell the rest of the family they can venmo you x amount of dollars every week and you will still do the shopping, but you cant afford to do both.
Tell your grandma it’s her generation that has you in this situation. 90 years old is after the Great Depression and she was a part of the most successful generation of our time. If she doesn’t have any savings. That’s on her. I understand women were treated horribly back then but grandma was in her 40’s when things got better. If relatives say you’re cruel then say that if they don’t help. They’re just as cruel
