Family loyalty can be beautiful, until it turns into some unwanted drama. One reader shared her story about being pushed too far when generosity stopped being appreciated and started being expected. What began as helping out her 90-year-old grandmother turned into a shocking case of entitlement.
All this shopping the grandchild has been doing for granny has been happening for years. Granny took a long time getting to this mean side. It sounds as if she was a lovely person to not just this grandchild but some other family members as well. The fact that there has become such a steap decline so quickly could be an indication of a medical issue and instead of worrying about groceries I think worrying about some doctor visits and medical consultations may be more important
I would recommend taking your grandmother to see a doctor, preferably a geriatrician. It sounds like she might be in the early stages of dementia.
Hey Bright Side,
My 90-year-old grandma, whom I love JUST SO DEARLY, has always been strong-willed. I admire her for that. But lately, I feel like she’s taking advantage of me just because she knows I won’t say no. For years, I’ve been the one buying her groceries. Every week (rain or shine), I’d go to the store, get everything she likes, and deliver it to her door. At first, I didn’t mind. She raised my mom, took care of all of us when we were kids. I wanted to give back.
But things started to change. She began asking for more and more (expensive brands, imported fruit, specific pastries from a bakery across town). Then she started calling me in the middle of work, demanding I bring them “right now.”
I would give ANYTHING to have my NANA back in my life, EXCEPT LET HER TREAT ME LIKE CRAP. You are a WONDERFUL grandchild and your grandma is more than lucky to have you in her life. Anyone who disagrees with that is dumber than a bag of rocks (Annette). You need to put yourself first. You have to put on YOUR OWN OXYGEN MASK FIRST sweetie.
“You’ll understand when you’re my age,” or “If your mother were alive, she’d never speak to me like that.” The last straw came last weekend. I had just paid my rent and couldn’t afford another grocery trip right away. When I told her, she sighed and said, “So you’re letting your grandmother starve?”
That hit me hard. I drove over with what I could: bread, milk, and some fruit. When I got there, she looked in the bag and said, “No steak? No cake?” I froze. I realized she didn’t see it as help anymore... she saw it as her right. That’s when I decided: no more weekly groceries. I’ll visit, I’ll help when I can, but I’m done being her personal delivery service.
They say I should be grateful she’s still here and that “money comes and goes, but family is forever.” But none of them are the ones paying for her groceries or missing work to shop for her. So now I’m wondering if I’m really heartless for finally putting myself first?
— Anastasia
Get those relatives who call you cruel to pay you a salary first then talk.They who play the guilt-trip game are simply the ones who want nothing but a scapegoat, so please treat yourself better by not becoming one.
First off, Anastasia, thank you for sharing your story, because what you’re describing is something a lot of people go through but rarely talk about. There’s a huge difference between helping out of love and being emotionally manipulated. You’ve shown care and consistency for years. Setting limits doesn’t erase that kindness; it protects it.
Older relatives sometimes forget that the world’s changed: bills are higher, schedules are tighter, and burnout is real. But it’s not your job to single-handedly carry the weight of her expectations. Here’s what you can do: gently but firmly explain that you’ll still visit and help with essentials, but you can’t fund or fulfill every request. Maybe suggest setting up grocery deliveries or asking other relatives to share the responsibility.
Tell Grandma that you are not a free purchasing and delivery service anymore, that you are still willing to go out and buy and deliver but you can no longer afford the actual purchase price in your budget anymore on your income. Grandma needs to go on a grocery run with you and reacquaint her self with prices on grocery shelves ( for myself I know steak of any kind is rare big sale and discounted item type purchase )
bye grandmama~~
Time to stick that old goat in a home, ungrateful crusty bitch
Why are you paying for grandmom's groceries? If she doesn't have the funds for food, help her find social services in her area. Set boundaries. Grandmom, I can get your groceries in this day every week. Do not call me at work or expect me to leave work unless you have a real emergency. Tell the rest of the family they can venmo you x amount of dollars every week and you will still do the shopping, but you cant afford to do both.
Tell your grandma it’s her generation that has you in this situation. 90 years old is after the Great Depression and she was a part of the most successful generation of our time. If she doesn’t have any savings. That’s on her. I understand women were treated horribly back then but grandma was in her 40’s when things got better. If relatives say you’re cruel then say that if they don’t help. They’re just as cruel
