A retired widow saved carefully to avoid becoming a burden. Then her unemployed son got engaged and demanded she give him her hard-earned savings.
Hi Bright Side!
I’ve been saving money ever since I retired. My husband passed away a few years ago and honestly, I’ve been terrified of becoming a burden on anyone if something happens to me too. That’s why I started putting money aside, and I’ve been very clear about this with my son.
Without even talking to me, he just got engaged. When I asked him how he was planning to pay for the wedding, especially since he was recently fired, he said, “I thought you could help me. You have savings.”
I told him I can’t just drain that money and that he’s being irresponsible right now. He can’t just make big decisions like this without thinking about how to pay for them.
I thought my heart would drop as he stood up, looked at me, and said, “If you’re not happy for me now and won’t help, you’ll never meet my future kids.”
I don’t even know how to process that. I raised him. I helped him through college. I’ve always been there.
And now it feels like none of that matters unless I hand over everything I’ve been saving to protect myself. Even though I don’t want to be a monster in his new relationship, at the end of the day, it’s my son, the only family I have left.
Sincerely,
Barbara S.
Thank you, Barbara, for reaching out to us and sharing your story. We know how painful and confusing it must feel to face this situation with your son.
Definitely do not even consider giving your son money for a wedding or anything else for that matter. Who knows. There may be a side benefit of he not marrying too. What sort of woman must she be to meet and pursue a jobless man who asks Mommy for money anyway. Don't worry about future children that have not {thankfully} been conceived yet. Stay your ground
They'll have the biggest, fanciest wedding ever, on credit cards, and be divorced before the ink dries on the marriage certificate.
That is where your money would go if you gave it to him.
Keep your savings. Your son is immature and controlling. Who knows if he'll even go through with the wedding.
Tell him to be prepared to pay for babysitting.
Don't give in. He is throwing a temper tantrum. Believe me he will keep coming back he has nowhere else to go. It amazes me how kids think there parents money is there's. This is why you never tell people you have savings.
How do you process it? You stand your ground. Did you raise your son to be selfish and greedy? If not I would bet his wife to be is pushing for a wedding that they can't afford, and her family can't afford and wants you to pay for it. ANYONE that thinks spending money on a show off party isn't thinking about the future. It would be nice if they could afford it but then what? Barely scraping by and asking mommy for MORE MONEY? If anyone spends on a big to do, to impress the guests, when they could use the money for a down payment or paying off some bills or car payments then they don't have sense enough to be married. Asking your parents to spend their savings when you aren't even working smacks of ignorance at best and laziness and entitlement at worst. Do you not realize that any grandchild will be just as selfish and entitled? Your savings would go to spending time with them. So you lose anyway.
It’s natural to feel deeply hurt and overwhelmed by what your son said. Before making any decisions, allow yourself some space to breathe and process your emotions. Sometimes, a little distance can help you respond with clarity rather than reacting from pain.
Rather than trying to justify your choice, keep your response short and calm. For example, you might say, “I’ve decided to keep my savings for my future needs, and that won’t change.” Keeping it simple avoids turning the conversation into an argument and signals quiet confidence.
Remind him, gently but clearly, that your love and support aren’t tied to financial help. Let him know you care about his happiness, but also about maintaining a healthy relationship that isn’t defined by money.
This is an emotionally draining situation, and you don’t have to face it by yourself. Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor can help you gain perspective, feel understood, and make choices with more confidence. No matter how difficult it gets, remember that protecting yourself does not mean losing love for your son.
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Your son is selfish and manipulative. If you give in now, this will only embolden his behavior and encourage future manipulation. Stand firm. If he loved you, he wouldn’t do this.
If you drain your retirement fund to pay for your son's wedding is he then going to take care of you when you can't support yourself anymore because you used your retirement fund to pay for his wedding?
