Dear Bright Side,
So, I’ve been friends with Jenna since college. She now has two kids and works with me at a marketing firm. Lately, she’s been asking me to cover shifts at work because she “has stuff to do,” and I always said yes. I didn’t mind, because I knew being a mother is tough. But last week, she asked me to cover three days in a row. I said no, my schedule was packed, and I needed a break.
She hasn’t spoken to me since. When I tried texting, she just ignored me. I feel weirdly hurt and frustrated because I thought friendships weren’t conditional. But then a mutual coworker told me she was complaining about me “abandoning her” to everyone at work.
I realize now she expected me to keep bending over backward, and standing my ground upset her more than I expected. I’m not sure if I should confront her or just ignore her and never speak to her again. Please help.
Kayla D.
Sounds to me she only wanted you to take advantage of and to use you. Drop her as a friend. Set your boundaries up and stick to them. She's the one who decided to have children let her deal with those responsibilities. Her problems are not yours.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Kayla. What happened must’ve been hurtful and made you realize what person Jenna truly is. She only took advantage of your kindness and tried to pin you as the bad person when things got rough for you. Jenna was never a true friend, and you need to try to accept that.
After learning what kind of person Jenna is, it’s time to keep your distance from her. If she’s not speaking with you, do the same exact thing. She doesn’t deserve your time. You’re better off cutting her off from your life. When working on projects, you can try to steer clear from working with Jenna, because you know she’ll probably try to take advantage of you again and maybe do something worse.
Now, you might be a more confrontational person and need to get some words off your chest. In this case, you could text Jenna something along the lines of, “Hey Jenna, it’s been on my mind that things have felt off between us since I couldn’t cover your shifts. It makes me sad that our friendship seems to have changed over this. I’ve always tried to be a supportive friend, but I also have to manage my own schedule and energy. I hope we can find a way to move past this professionally.”
While the last option may seem more mature, you still owe Jenna nothing. She clearly wasn’t a good friend to begin with, and you should maintain your distance to avoid any more heartache. Trying to find a good friend can be difficult, so here are some toxic traits to weed out any bad apples in your circle.
