I Refused to Watch My Stepson’s Kids and Now He’s Angry at Me

Family & kids
8 months ago

Navigating a stepparent-stepchild relationship can often prove to be tricky. Sometimes stepmom and stepkid might never come to see eye-to-eye, which is what happened to a Reddit user who couldn’t build a good relationship with her stepson. The woman shared her story, and explained why years later she still refused to take on a grandparent role for her stepson’s kids.

The stepmom never had a good realtionship with her stepson.

This is a bit complicated, I am a stepmom to 5 wonderful kids. I became their stepmom when the oldest was 9. I adopted all of them but one and that is Nick. He never wanted me to be his mom which is fine. The moment Nick turned 18 he made it very clear he doesn’t care about me at all.

I wasn’t invited to his wedding, any holidays and so on if he was hosting. My last straw was when he told me that he will come to Christmas that I was hosting if I left. So we are very low contact. Along with that, he has blown up every sibling relationship. He has 2 girls now, and he called me up. This was a surprise and we started talking.

After a while he started complaining about not getting help at all to raise his kids. He asked me to watch them on Sunday and step up as a grandparent. I told him the reason the village doesn’t exist to raise his kids is due to him burning that village down. He called me a jerk and hung up. My husband is iffy on the situation but told me it’s my call since I would be the one to watch the kids most of the time since he travels often for work.

The poster offered some additional details in the comments.

  • “I’m not Nick’s mother, never will be is his words. He is the middle child, he never would give me examples, but I am too much according to him. My relationship with the other four is great. I personally think he realized he isolated himself from the family.” ProfessionalHornet72 / Reddit
  • “I don’t want to get attached, and then he rips them (the grandkids) away. I don’t want to do that, and I have a feeling that will happen. It’s best I stay away unless the relationship actually improves and that will be work.” ProfessionalHornet72 / Reddit
  • “I don’t want to be free childcare, if he wants to improve the relationship start with lunch not ask me to watch his kids.” ProfessionalHornet72 / Reddit

Most people were on the woman’s side.

  • “Based on just the information it appears Nick is meeting the consequences of his choices.” Alarming_Reply_6286 / Reddit
  • “He called to complain he isn’t getting help, he didn’t call saying he regrets that he messed up his relationships. He wants something from you, he doesn’t want you. This sucks, please prioritize yourself and the people in your life who actually care about you.” Self_Reintegration / Reddit
  • “Actions have outcomes. He chose a course of action that eroded any family connections he had over the years. He can’t come back now and complain that those connections aren’t around to help him now that he needs them. This was his choice. He now has to accept the outcomes of his actions.” virtualchoirboy / Reddit
  • “It is a bit hard baby sitting if you are not allowed in the room. Also, those kids don’t know you, if Nick wants you to baby sit, then he needs to start coming over for Christmas and dinner and try to be a part of the family. I would give him one chance to rebuild the village, just one, it means coming over for Christmas, letting you know the girls, but it will take years before the trust is back.” CakePhool / Reddit

In our previous article we shared the experience of a woman who took a different approach to the role of a stepparent. And managed to deal with the difficult situation in her own way.

Preview photo credit ProfessionalHornet72 / Reddit

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He doesn't want family - he wants free childcare. If he wants the benefits of the relationship, he has to actually allow there to be a relationship first.

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