I Said No to My Mom Moving in After Retirement, Now My Whole Family’s Angry

Taking in a parent is seen as an act of love and responsibility, but for the woman in this story, that idea didn’t sit right. Family matters, but she was put in a difficult situation. Unsure of what to do, she turned to the internet to share her experience and seek advice.

This is her story.

“I (32F) bought a two-bedroom house last year that perfectly suits my needs. My mom (60F) is now retiring and wants to move from my childhood home to my city.

She asked if she could have my extra bedroom to move in with me instead of getting her own condo. I love my mom, but I declined. I don’t want to give up my guest room and personal space.”

“My mom got upset, arguing that family should live together. She wants to be closer to me, and I’m being unreasonable by not letting her move in. I suggested helping her look for an affordable 55+ community instead.

But my mom won’t entertain any other housing ideas. She insists I have plenty of room and should want her to live with me in retirement. She says I’m abandoning her in her time of need.”

“I feel guilty, but I’m not ready to have my mom move in at 32 when I finally have my own place. My brother thinks I’m selfish for not supporting Mom’s plan. But I don’t think her retirement means I have to give up privacy in my own home. Am I wrong?”

And people expressed their thoughts.

• Not wrong. Sounds like your brother should take her in then. © Ok-Abbreviations4510 / Reddit
• You are not wrong. You offered to help her find a 55+ housing if she chooses not to look; that’s on her. She can live with your brother. If he doesn’t want her there, she can find a place of her own. © Unknown author / Reddit
• I’m way closer to your mother’s age than yours. Don’t do it. You are a young adult, and you deserve to savor your independence and to enjoy these years. She either needs to stay where she is or buy herself something affordable closer to you. If your brother thinks she should live with family, they can find a place together. © Arbor_Arabicae / Reddit

• It’s very convenient for her to be telling you what you should want to do, considering she’s the only one who would benefit from it. I hope you won’t give in. It’s not your fault she decided this was her perfect solution without your consent and assumed you’d just do what she wanted. That tells you everything you’d need to know if she did move in. It wouldn’t be your own home anymore. Everything would have to be done her way. Been there. Your brother is welcome to deal with her, or she can act like a grown-up and get her own place. This is her problem; you’re not wrong here. Good luck. © forgetregret1day / Reddit
• It is hard to keep saying no, but you need to if this is how you feel. Next time your brother says you are selfish, tell him you are happy to help your mom move in with him and see what he says. It’s ok to want your own space and independence. © S***paceisgoodspace / Reddit

• Have a conversation with your mom about why she is retiring and what she plans to do in retirement. At age 60, she is too young for Social Security (if in the US). Can she afford to live on her own on her pension? Does she have an IRA or other investments? She may be embarrassed to tell you why she wants to live with you if it is due to her finances. © Inevitable-Divide933 / Reddit
• You have your own life and deserve to live it without your mom in your home. Don’t let her or any others make you feel guilty. Stand your ground. FYI, I’m 61, and if something happened to my husband, I would never intrude on my kids. © Several_Emphasis_434 / Reddit
• Stand firm behind that. You’re not wrong for not wanting to share your space. © Individual_Shirt_228 / Reddit

How far can a favor go until you’re empty? until all boundaries are crossed? But there are people who don’t have boundaries, especially for their family. Emilia is one of those; she accommodated her family’s needs as a doctor until she realized something. Read more at this link.