I Sent My Wedding Guests a List of Strict Rules I Want Them to Follow, and Many Are Cancelling Last Minute
Planning your big day is a challenging task, marked by the delicate balance of meeting the expectations of your guests while keeping in mind that the primary focus is on the newlyweds themselves. This is what happened with a bride-to-be from Reddit who decided to organize her wedding according to her unique vision and based on her own terms.
Before you all jump into any conclusions about how my fiancé needs to run away from me and how crazy I am and what a poor man he’s for dealing with me, let me clarify that these rules for the wedding were mutually agreed on by both me and my fiancé and many of them were his idea. I’ll list each rule and why people, including our families were against each one.
- Rule 1. Unplugged ceremony and reception until dinner is over and the dance party starts.
That means no phones at all unless a very huge emergency. People were ok with the ceremony part, but they found the dinner part too much. Many of my parent friends also said that since they’re leaving their kids at home they should be at least be granted a little grade to check their phone with their kids babysitters.
I said if I made an exception for them, I’d have to make it for everyone so no. Unplugged means unplugged. Checking with your kids is not an emergency. If something serious happens you’ll know.
- Rule 2. Color scheme and strict dress code.
All black color scheme and mandatory dresses for women and tuxedos for men. No pants allowed for women. I got reactions for this for two reasons. One reason was that my aunt who’s been mourning her dead husband for over 2 years just got rid of black clothes a couple of months ago and tries to move on and claims wearing black makes her depressive. Another issue was the mandatory dress as my husband’s sister have body dysphoria and hates dresses on her and always wears pants.
Again if we make an exception for two people we’ll have to make an exception for everyone.
- Rule 3. Bridesmaids diets.
We’ve ordered the bridesmaids dresses months in advance. So they’ll stay on the weight they are right now. If you’re bigger size do whatever is in your power to stay big. If you’re skinny, quit fast food for a few months and stay skinny. If the dresses don’t fit you we’re gonna have a problem so stick to your diets.
They had an issue with this claiming I can’t police their eating habits. One of my bridesmaids claims she developed an ED from that rule, but there’s no official diagnosis, so I don’t know if she’s valid.
- Rule 4.
My MOH’s daughter is supposed to be our flower girl, but she claims she can’t do this since the kid will have to stay with a babysitter at a hotel after the ceremony. She lives 4 hours away from me and where I’ll be having my wedding. She planned on letting her daughter with her mom to save money on babysitters and refuses to bring the kid as a flower girl and leave her at the hotel with a babysitter.
She went on saying, “My in-laws have been against most of our rules from the start. My parents supported us until now but my mom got so mad that she said our wedding is doomed from the get go with these rules. Many people are cancelling on us last minute and bridesmaids threaten to drop out.”
Reddit users quickly chimed in with a unanimous consensus that this bride-to-be should reconsider her set of guidelines.
- Rule 1. It’s unreasonable to expect guests (whether they have kids or not) to be “unplugged” for your reception. It’s pretty standard for the actual ceremony but wedding or not their life doesn’t revolve around you.
Rule 2. Mandatory dresses for women pull yourself out of the 50s. Women can look absolutely fine in pants.
Rule 3. Absolutely not. Just no. This one firmly puts you in power tripping bridezilla territory.
Rule 4. It reads like you want a child free ceremony and have no interest in MOH’s childcare arrangements once you’re done with her daughter as a flower girl.
Girl, fix up before you lose all your friends. @CrystalQueen3000 / Reddit
- Your rules will be enforced at the expense of your guests and most likely quite a few friendships. If you want an empty ceremony and few people at your reception, then by all means be the dictator you come across as. @broadsharp2 / Reddit
- Rule 1. Ceremony — reasonable. Dinner/reception — unreasonable and unrealistic.
Rule 2. Absolutely 100% unreasonable. Expect a lot of declines over this. I would have zero interest in attending a wedding with this kind of a dress code.
Rule 3. Not only unreasonable — appalling. You’ve got some nerve trying to police your bridesmaids’ bodies and eating choices. In fact, you’re making their lives completely miserable with your expectations and demands.
Rule 4. Your MOH is under NO obligation to provide you with a flower girl, if your rules around her child’s care are outside of her comfort zone.
You are being a huge bridezilla. Knock it off, or you’re going to find yourself with a much smaller circle of friends than you started off with, and a family that’s going to be pissed off at you for a very long time. @Mehitabel9 / Reddit
- You need to ditch those rules with an apology to everyone soon, or you might be alone with your groom at the wedding. Also, you owe MOH a huge apology, and you need to find a different flower girl or do without. I can’t imagine expecting her to participate in the wedding and presumably photos then being left with a stranger working as a hotel babysitter. @Americanhealth74 / Reddit
On a different note, a wedding planner asked her newlyweds after their big day what they would like to have changed about their event if they could. Some have answered that they wouldn’t change anything, while others have talked about the things that they really regretted. Accordingly, in this article she reveals the 13 crucial mistakes couples make while planning their big day.