I Stopped Paying My Retired, Broke Parents' Mortgage

Discussing money and financial responsibilities with family members is always a tough one, especially if “understandings” remain verbal rather than written. One Redditor faced a similar situation, given they were paying their parents’ mortgage and taxes, with the implicit agreement that once the house was sold, a major chunk would come to them. Sadly, things have unfolded rather differently.

“I have been paying my parents’ mortgage for years.”

[Edited] I pay their taxes too. They are retired and have very little retirement savings. They spent their money on good colleges for me and my sister, so I felt it was right to help them out. We both went to top universities and found successful jobs afterward.

I felt like I owed my parents for all they sacrificed for me, so it was a no-brainer to help them retire with no financial stress. My parents did not consult my sister about splitting these costs with me, instead, they made me a verbal agreement. A major share of the house was to come to me, when it’s sold.

Fast-forward to now, there’s a twist to the story.

My sister unfortunately lost her job last year and as a result, doesn’t have many savings. Now, my jobless sister has moved in, and my parents say, “It’s just temporary.” Later, I found out that my sister pitched staying permanently in my parents’ house, and my parents agreed.

I was furious at this, because I had been paying for the house with the understanding that it would be sold, and I would get a larger share. It is very likely my sister never sells the house and instead raises her eventual family there. Because the original agreement with my parents changed, I stopped paying for the mortgage, leaving it up to my sister to take care of if she’s taking over the house.

My parents are furious with me, saying I’m too money-obsessed and should be continuing to help the family while my sister is in a tough spot still looking for a job. Instead, they are promising that eventually my sister will pay me out for my share of the house plus whatever else I contributed over 8 years. I turned that offer down because there’s no real guarantee this will happen, and I don’t trust my sister to follow through financially.

The Redditor provided further updates to the story.

I may be the bad guy for taking such a cynical stance and leaving my family in financial stress, but I feel like I was already burned once through verbal agreements, and I don’t want to get burned again.

• My sister is fully opposed to selling the house because of the “sentimental value”.
• I’m not on the deed because when you put someone else on the deed in CA, your house is re-assessed, and it will double our current property tax. There are also some implications to my parents’ social security payments if I do so.
• I wish I got something in writing, but I felt weird asking for something like that from my family. It was naive of me to think that way.

Many suggested, “Cut your losses!”

• Unless they physically put your name on the deed, I wouldn’t put another penny in. Your sister living there is too much, you can bet she will be mooching off Mom & Dad the whole time. Greedy_Literature_54 / Reddit
• Your parents didn’t “retire”; they quit their jobs. A retiree is a person who has enough income from passive sources to be able to pay their expenses. Your parents never had enough investments to create income to cover decades of expenses. They spent all their money (on college and whatever else) AND also still had high expenses (mortgage).
  At a rough estimate, supporting your parents financially for the last 8 years has probably paid them back for all of their college support. You’re never going to get any money from the house. Your parents will eventually sell it to help cover their expenses in their later years. The money will get spent.
  Stop giving your parents any money. Invest in your own name/future. teresajs / Reddit
• I think your biggest miscalculation was underestimating your parents’ dedication to helping you and your sister. Your parents don’t sound like the kind of parents who are going to turn your sister down for help when she needs it. Sometimes parents even go so far as to leave a larger inheritance to the child who ’needs it’ more in their eyes. Remember, if it’s not written down in a legally binding contract, it’s not yours no matter what anyone says.
  People can and do change their minds. If you are doing well enough to pay their mortgage, but your sister doesn’t even have a job, your deal with them is NOT going to be their priority. Their priority will be helping your sister. Whatever you decide, decide it with that understanding. Deep-Okra1461 / Reddit

There was some actionable advice as well.

• 8 years is a long time to be paying a mortgage with only a verbal agreement. Even if you are/were on great terms, always get things in writing. You could cut your losses here... it is unlikely you’ll see your money back.
  If the house is big enough for sister and potential future family to live in, why didn’t parents sell and downsize if it’s just the two of them? They may need to anyway if you cut them off. chazza79 / Reddit
• This is all around poor financial planning. Your parents should put the house into a trust. Also, even if you are morally right, if their house gets foreclosed on, and you lose all your investment and your parents get thrown on the street, who exactly does that help? Coneskater / Reddit
• Could you possibly get something in writing now? It seems like most comments are making mention of paying 8 years for a mortgage (quite a chunk of change) without any formal agreement. If that were a viable solution in the past, meaning if people are saying you should have done that before (with people assuming you would have had the courage to do so) then you can certainly do it now.
  You can get a legal agreement drafted to guarantee a portion of the house belongs to you, and a clause if the house is never sold for it to be remortgaged and for you to get a payout.
  If they don’t agree to that, then you can just tell them that all 3 of them have been taking advantage of you. In case anyone wants to say “you’re making this all about money”, money has given you an education (which you’ve more than well paid back), money has put a roof over their head and fed them. Money has kept the house in the family. starfire92 / Reddit

Another Redditor had a similar “horror” story to share.

Don’t do it. Stop paying now. As someone who was tricked into this exact position 20 years ago, I now have NOTHING to show for it. First it was, “Oh they will just be staying for a few months.” Then oh it’s just a few more months. 20 years is what those “few months” turned into.

My name is on the deed. I get no benefit from it, just a bunch of headaches. Get lawyers involved, show the proof of what you’ve been paying for however many years, get yourself sorted and paper trails. If they want to live in a place you are paying for, get a tenancy agreement & charge market rate rent because my “family tenants” are paying $75 per week. (The other units like mine are rented out at much higher) and when I mentioned that I was told “You wouldn’t do that to family would you” & “Oh stop acting so selfish money isn’t everything.”

Please, please be careful, with family I found that they were “staying there because they needed it” and it’s “just a small favor” & everyone’s favorite “it’s just till they get back on their feet.” They are living the life on your dime & let’s not forget when things go wrong in the place, suddenly it’ll be “but you are the landlord.” Trust me, you will end up paying for things that need to be fixed. It’s a money drain.

Do not let this happen to you!!! It can’t go both ways. You need to take care of you, not the leeches in your life. Protect yourself now before it’s too late. Eclectic_Gray_1 / Reddit

Breaking off from family over money is tough enough, but what if there are pets involved? Here’s another story from a woman who dumped her cheating fiancé and took her dog, only to it all backfire on her.