I Won’t Let My MIL Move In Unless She Respects My Conditions

Family & kids
3 months ago

Sarah never imagined sharing a house with her mother-in-law. But when she insisted on moving in to help with her three young children, Sarah felt she couldn't simply refuse. She agreed but laid out three seemingly simple conditions that needed to be respected. Sarah didn’t anticipate that her requirements would lead to family drama and conflict, so she turned to Bright Side seeking advice.

Ronda my music
2 months ago

I see no problem with those conditions. The woman is looking for a place to live without contributing to the family unite.

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Jae M
3 months ago

She would be living for free. She should by groceries and prepare most meals including special meals for tou

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Rhea Gillette
3 months ago

Great Nana here..lives with granddaughter..help raise 2 Lil ones..I buy my food, my laundry needs personal stuff..kids can't afford child care...we take care of each other...you should have talked with husband first...but maybe you were blindsided with MIL asking again..seems MIL also didn't talk with her son...

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Rita Williams
3 months ago

Sounds like you didn’t discuss this with your husband. I would be very upset if you told MY mom this without asking me. Wouldn’t it have been easier to ask for her to contribute $200 or $300 towards household needs? This was very harsh. Seems to me you were looking for a reason for her not to move in. You need to repair this relationship!

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Missy
3 months ago

Either ur husband can respect it or move in with his mom ....everything you requested should be done with pit asking so for u to have to enforce those rules means she may not and yes it's more stress ...so either he understands that or he can have the space he needs to , to think about what's right and wring just cause it's his mom don't mean she gets special treatment or he can pick up her slack and cook for her if she has special meal request just saying but I'm a whole different kind of women and I don't put up with bull ....my husband married me not his mom so if he won't understand than he can go live with her me and my kids will be okay

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Climoris Gusmon
3 months ago

You are doing her a favor. And she can't expect you to cater her. You are not her daughter. She hasnt moved in and is already causing trouble. If she doesn't like it, she can move somewhere else.

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Patricia Blue
3 months ago

You set very realistic and clear expectations. She is moving in to be helpful. You're starting out great. She is starting out causing trouble in you home even before moving in. Tell her you'll drop the kids off. She can stay in her own home.

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Cookie George
3 months ago

Hi Sarah
As A MIL Of 6 In My Daughter's Family n 3 In My Sons
I Definitely Do Not Think Ur Asking Too Much If Ur MIL n If She Thinks This Is Harsh Then She's Pretty Selfish n For That Reason.....
Personally I Think Having Her Live With U n Ur Young Family Is A Very Bad Idea
I Am Also Retired
Love My Children n
Adore My Grandkids
But ....
I Like My Privacy
Sorry Ur Husband Doesn't Understand The Problems This Can Cause For Both Of U..
Good Luck 🍀 💯 🤞

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Oseyi
3 months ago

The question is if you would have set thesame rules for your mom. You want her help but you are not willing to accommodate her needs. I'm African, we consider our mothers-in-law as our mothers. What about the free childcare services you are getting from her, the personal touch of a grandma and peace of mind that your kids are in safe hands? In life, we learn to make adjustments and sacrifices for the people we love.

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Hildaby
3 months ago
Oseyi

I couldn't have put it more aptly...has she considered both the tangible and intangible cost of childcare alone? with her just starting a new job and having to think about taking care not 1, but three kids! I'm gobsmacked by the outrageous conditions...and for all you know, granny wouldn't have even minded making her special meals or other without even told to do so

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Kay Kay
3 months ago
Hildaby

Rental costs are through the roof. Paid child care workers still pay rent so the granny requests are not outrageous.

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3 months ago
This is so personal that we just can't show it to you.
3 months ago
The comment is deleted. The party is over.
salena258
3 months ago

Those are bare minimum requirements for a basic roommate.

As she is "family" wouldn't she be expected to contribute more to help out her family?

By the way husband is the first problem.

Although working with him as a partner about rules regarding "guests" would have been best, I probably would have also put him in charge of either cleaning up after his mother or hiring a maid, cooking for her, and bringing in more money to pay for her food if he didn't like her being held responsible.

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Denise Karpuszka
3 months ago

Why should you have to take care of another person. If your husband is so mad tell him he has to do it. Or she doesn't move in.

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celeste p
3 months ago
ernest sosa

Was that comment referring to the wife? If so, Incorrect. The mother-in-law is moving into the home of her son n daughter-in-law.

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Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your story with us. Setting boundaries with your mother-in-law while avoiding drama and conflicts can be complicated. We hope the advice we’ve gathered for you will help you deal with this situation without unnecessary tension.

Set boundaries.

Establish clear boundaries and expectations from the start. This can include specific chores, shared responsibilities, and personal space. Ensuring everyone understands their role can prevent future conflicts.

Communicate openly.

Sit down with your husband and MIL for an open and honest conversation. Explain your perspective calmly and listen to their concerns. Clear communication can help resolve misunderstandings and build a collaborative approach to living together.

Reevaluate conditions.

Consider if any of your conditions can be adjusted to make the arrangement more manageable for everyone involved. For instance, instead of requiring your MIL to pay for all her groceries, perhaps she could contribute a set amount each month towards the household expenses. This way, she still takes some responsibility without feeling overwhelmed.

Another possibility is to set specific chore duties that play to her strengths or preferences, making the contribution feel less like a burden.

Create personal space.

Ensure everyone in the household has their own personal space to help maintain privacy and reduce potential friction. Designate specific areas in the house where each family member can relax and unwind without interruptions. Make sure your MIL has her own comfortable room and your children have spaces to play and study without feeling cramped.

By respecting personal space and setting clear guidelines, you can create a more peaceful and harmonious living situation for everyone.

Plan joint activities.

Oseyi
3 months ago

The question is if you would have set thesame rules for your mom. You want her help but you are not willing to accommodate her needs. I'm African, we consider our mothers-in-law as our mothers. What about the free childcare services you are getting from her, the personal touch of a grandma and peace of mind that your kids are in safe hands? In life, we learn to make adjustments and sacrifices for the people we love.

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Engage in activities that can help build a positive relationship with your MIL. Shared experiences, such as cooking together or planning family outings, can strengthen bonds and create a more harmonious living environment.

Consider setting aside a specific time each week for a family activity, like a movie night, game night, or even a simple walk in the park. You could also involve her in household projects or hobbies that interest both of you, such as gardening, crafting, or trying out new recipes.

Relationships with your in-laws often aren’t simple. When Margaret, a caring grandmother, heard that her daughter-in-law was only bathing her children twice a week to save on water bills, she felt the need to intervene. Little did she know that her decision would lead to family drama.

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Jane Turley
3 months ago

First, moving in would be a hard no. Since you are there, the demands are not really demands. You are treating her like a roommate when this calls for integration. If I were MIL, I would contribute to the groceries, assist in the shopping ,and do the cooking. She's not a roommate.

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