I Work Overtime So My Wife Can Be a SAHM, Now She Wants Equal Chores Too

The responsibilities of a house after marriage have always been a hot topic. Who gets to do the chores? Who pays the bills? While all these things should be discussed before the big day, Joel’s wife seems to have some regrets about choosing the traditional route of becoming a SAHM.

This is Joel’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My wife told me before our marriage that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom to maintain “traditional values.” I had no issue with that, considering I work over 60 hours per week. So, after we got hitched, we had a baby, and I took on the responsibilities of paying all the bills. But now we’re still splitting chores and childcare 50/50.

I reminded her that she wanted to be a SAHM, and that means most of the housework and childcare should fall on her. I felt like she was being too spoiled. Anyway, she just agreed and left it. Later, we had a family dinner with her parents. They were looking at me disapprovingly, and I asked her why. She said, “I told them you were being selfish for making me do all the housework and childcare.”

She then ranted about how I don’t understand how hard it is to be a SAHM and that we should split everything, despite my demanding work schedule. Her parents and friends took her side. I felt cornered. I don’t think what she’s asking of me is reasonable at all. How do I make her see that?

Sincerely,
Joel S.

Here are thoughts shared by the Bright Side team.

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Joel. Balancing a house has never been an easy task, especially once you have a newborn to care for. You agreed with your wife that she’ll be handling all the SAHM responsibilities while you handle all the bills and financial matters. Now that she’s getting a taste of reality, she seems to feel like the job of a SAHM is all too much for her. Here are some things you can consider doing.

• Remind her that it was her choice: Before you got married, your wife agreed fair and square to be the traditional wife figure of the house. If she can’t uphold that, then that’s not your fault.
• Reach an agreement: You’re understandably too exhausted to take on chores after coming back from a long shift. If she’s too tired to handle the sole role of SAHM, then consider hiring extra help, like getting a part-time maid or nanny to help you around the house.
• Tell her to clear your name: If she badmouthed you to her friends and family, then she needs to make it right by telling them that she was simply too overwhelmed with the housework and took it out on you.
• Make sure both of you get a break: We’re not robots wired to constantly work. Schedule a day every week when you two can decompress together. You can also take a few hours for yourselves. Perhaps you get an hour to yourself after work, and she gets an hour to herself on the weekend to go out with friends or relax.
  

Overall, marriage is about compromise and finding a solution to move forward. In this case, hiring extra help can give Joel and his wife the common ground they need to fulfill their roles happily. Before you know it, their child will grow up and help with chores as well. Just be sure they’re at the right age to do them from this guide.