Living with family sometimes means facing uncomfortable situations that we didn’t expect. When someone is going through a bad time, it is normal to want to help them, but it is also easy to be taken advantage of without realizing it. What starts out as support can become a burden, as in this case, where the protagonist ends up doing more than his share.
On Reddit, one user recounts the conflict that arose with his family, in his own home: “My sister (34) moved into my house about 2 months ago with her 2 kids —a 7-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl— after she ended a really bad relationship
I’ve always been an early-ish riser and like to get up and make myself some breakfast around 7 or 8 AM. Nothing spectacular, just whatever I feel like that day.”
When my sister moved in, I realized quickly that she liked to sleep in. Some days she was up as late as 1 PM... I gave her the benefit of the doubt since I knew how hard her breakup was for her.
Since my sister slept so late daily, she wouldn’t get up and take care of her kids. I got into a routine with my niece and nephew that basically, whatever I cooked myself for breakfast, I’d make enough for them as well, until the other morning...
I woke up and had an urge to make huevos rancheros. The kids immediately started complaining that they didn’t want that and wanted something different.
I was nice and ended up making them pancakes, since it’s not their fault that their mom is really struggling.
The next morning, I was making potatoes and eggs for breakfast, but all I heard was, “We don’t want that. We want something different.” So again, I obliged...
Finally, after 3 mornings of my unwanted food critics getting a separate meal, I finally told them, “I’m no longer cooking 2 different meals for breakfast. If you don’t like what I’m making, go ask your mom to get up and do it.”
So, they went upstairs to wake her up, but she still didn’t come downstairs until after 1 PM. The kids immediately started complaining that I “refused to feed them” and my sister was furious.
She started making a fuss about how they needed to be fed by a certain time, and a bunch of other things that she said to try to intentionally hurt me.
Then tell her to get off her lazy behind and take care of her kids. Tell her she has 60 days to get it together and figure out her next steps or you call CPS. She made bad choices. She does not get to push her responsibilities on you. Get it together or you will evict her. Never apologize to anyone for telling them the hard truths they need to hear.
I snapped and told her, “Look, I know you’re depressed, but wake up and take care of your kids instead of expecting me to do it.” She got quiet after that and is still giving me the cold shoulder, but I know she’s expecting me to apologize.
Sorry, this was long-winded, but let me have it. Am I getting this all wrong?
Excuse me? Can I move in? Who (unless they are independently wealthy), can be home all day (you) or sleep all day (her)? You are just ENABLING your sister. She will get into another bad relationship and you will pick up the pieces, AGAIN. Neither of you are helping those children and her making demands about what HER children require is ludicrous. Not to mention BTW she's raised them so far to believe if they pitch a fit that they can get their own way, which you proved is true. A little (or maybe a LOT of) tough love is needed here, desperately.
This type of conflict confronts us with the discomfort of saying “enough” within our own home. Empathy has limits, especially when it becomes a constant expectation and people take advantage of goodwill. What do you think of this user’s actions and his sister’s reaction? Has something similar happened to you in your family?
Past time to take care of her kids. "They need to eat!" "So, feed them. I quit."
