I’m Happy to Babysit My Grandkids, but They Have to Follow My 3 Non-Negotiable Rules

Having grandchildren is an amazing experience. You love them with all your heart, and they can leave you with stories that only the wildest of imaginations can come up with. But things aren’t always simple. One of our readers reached out with the lesson she got from babysitting her grandkids.

Lisa shared her story with us.

Dear Bright Side,

I have two grandkids whom I adore, but I’m not as fit and active as I used to be. I’m 65 and retired, so I don’t have the endless amounts of energy that I used to have anymore. And because of that, it’s getting harder for me to keep up with them.

But I have been trying my best to babysit them whenever I got a chance because I do love spending time with them. Recently, though, that has changed. My son and DIL asked me if I would be willing to babysit them more often because the sitter they had pulled out.

I took a good while to think about it and told them I would agree on one condition: they had to respect the three rules I would be implementing. My son asked what the rules were and I told him.

Rule #1: No sugar in my house. If they want candy or soda, they get it from their parents, not me.
Rule #2: No sleepovers. I’m not a daycare or a hotel. I love them, but I also need my rest.
Rule #3: No surprise drop-offs. I need to know in advance when I’m babysitting.

My son agreed that these rules are fair and easy enough to work with so we decided that I would be looking after the children 3 time a week. But last week, my DIL broke rule #3. She showed up at my doorstep in the middle of the day with my grandkids, but I wasn’t home.

It was one of the days I had to myself, and I was out with a couple of friends. She called and demanded I come home immediately. She said she had a work emergency and that I needed to take the kids in for a few hours.

I asked her what happened to her usual sitter, and she said she was supposed to have the day off so she didn’t arrange one. I felt for her, I really did, but I had my rules for a reason, it would’ve taken me over an hour to get home. She pleased, but I refused and told her to make another plan.

Later that night, I got a call from my son. He said his wife had gotten a written warning for not being at work during an emergency because she had to take care of the kids. I apologized but reminded him that I needed time for myself too. My life does not revolve around his kids.

I haven’t heard from or seen them since, and now I’m wondering if I might’ve been wrong. So Bright Side, was it wrong for me to stand my ground with my rules? Or should I have just taken the kids in?

Regards,
Lisa R.

Thank you for reaching out to us, Lisa. We understand how difficult this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.

Keep the rules, but add flexibility for true emergencies.

You were absolutely right to set boundaries, especially at your age when energy and health matter more than ever. But to keep peace with your son and DIL, it may help to add a “one-off emergency exception” rule. That way, they know they can rely on you only in truly urgent situations, while still respecting your need for rest and personal time.

Communicate your limits in a calm but firm way.

Instead of only discussing boundaries when something goes wrong, set aside time to talk with your son and DIL about what you realistically can and can’t do. Explain that babysitting is a joy for you, not an obligation, and that overstepping your limits risks damaging the relationship. When they see you’re protecting your health, not rejecting your grandkids, it’s easier for them to respect your rules.

Offer solutions that don’t involve you directly.

If you can, help them brainstorm backup options, like recommending another sitter, looking into a local babysitting network, or even swapping favors with another parent they trust. This shows that you care about their struggles but also value your own independence. It softens the “no” and makes you a supportive ally instead of someone they feel is just pushing back.

Lisa has found herself in a tough situation, but it’s not something that she can’t solve. A bit of understanding can go a very long way in a case like this. But she isn’t the only one with family struggles.

Another one of our readers reached out to share the story of her DIL. Read it here: I Refuse to Babysit My Grandkids—I’m a Grandma, Not a Walking Daycare.