Having grandchildren is an amazing experience. You love them with all your heart, and they can leave you with stories that only the wildest of imaginations can come up with. But things aren’t always simple. One of our readers reached out with the lesson she got from babysitting her grandkids.
It sounds by being so rigid the grandkids are the ones suffering!
I have two of my own, another on the way and I don’t live near any of them ( I am still working at a job I can’t relocate from)
What I would give to have your “issues.”
The kids are the ones who are going to suffer the fallout of all this.
Dear Bright Side,
I have two grandkids whom I adore, but I’m not as fit and active as I used to be. I’m 65 and retired, so I don’t have the endless amounts of energy that I used to have anymore. And because of that, it’s getting harder for me to keep up with them.
But I have been trying my best to babysit them whenever I got a chance because I do love spending time with them. Recently, though, that has changed. My son and DIL asked me if I would be willing to babysit them more often because the sitter they had pulled out.
I took a good while to think about it and told them I would agree on one condition: they had to respect the three rules I would be implementing. My son asked what the rules were and I told him.
Rule #1: No sugar in my house. If they want candy or soda, they get it from their parents, not me.
Rule #2: No sleepovers. I’m not a daycare or a hotel. I love them, but I also need my rest.
Rule #3: No surprise drop-offs. I need to know in advance when I’m babysitting.
My son agreed that these rules are fair and easy enough to work with so we decided that I would be looking after the children 3 time a week. But last week, my DIL broke rule #3. She showed up at my doorstep in the middle of the day with my grandkids, but I wasn’t home.
It was one of the days I had to myself, and I was out with a couple of friends. She called and demanded I come home immediately. She said she had a work emergency and that I needed to take the kids in for a few hours.
What would have been the point of it would take at least an hour for grandma to get home? Mom should have had backup plans for the days she knew grandma wasn't available.
It wasn't as if grandma went back on her promise. Her DIL and son (where was he?) have no grounds to be mad about thrm violating the rules.
I asked her what happened to her usual sitter, and she said she was supposed to have the day off so she didn’t arrange one. I felt for her, I really did, but I had my rules for a reason, it would’ve taken me over an hour to get home. She pleased, but I refused and told her to make another plan.
Later that night, I got a call from my son. He said his wife had gotten a written warning for not being at work during an emergency because she had to take care of the kids. I apologized but reminded him that I needed time for myself too. My life does not revolve around his kids.
I haven’t heard from or seen them since, and now I’m wondering if I might’ve been wrong. So Bright Side, was it wrong for me to stand my ground with my rules? Or should I have just taken the kids in?
Regards,
Lisa R.
Thank you for reaching out to us, Lisa. We understand how difficult this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.
You are not wrong. I have 9 children and 9 grandchildren. Remember the rules are the rules. I know that you miss them, but they have to know to respect you when you take care of the kids.
You didn't do anything wrong but if I was your son I'd find a different babysitter and only visit you every other holiday.
You made a plan, it was simple and not hard to understand. You did not agree to be back up child care. She will get over it because she will want the childcare she is not paying for now. This was not a day you arranged and it is not on you to be there for every whim of her boss. Never, ever say you are sorry for sticking to your boundaries.
Not seeing them wouldn't bother me one bit. They will come around sooner or later trust me.
Not your fault. They need you more than you need them.
Granny is doing them a favor, she already raised you my friend, now at 65, it's her turn to do whatever she pleases, get lost and hire a sitter
You weren't in the wrong. You get to live your life. But choices have consequences.
Nta. You put these rules in place for a reason. It was ur dnl day off maybe she should find a more flexible job. Walmart is like that. They will fire a person whose on vacation. I've seen it. Ur life doesn't revolve around her & her kids. Ur retired for a reason
Does anyone else have an issue with the fact that the DIL got a written warning for not being at work on her scheduled day off? That doesn't seem likely to me.
I was actually wondering what kind of job DIL had that would do that.
I agree. She hadn't shown up for work before or had other issues that resulted in the "write up". The son is using a gulit trip.
it's possible she has a job where she was on call that day. even so, the hour delay would still be problematic for the job if Grandma has rushed back, which she shouldn't have.
Sounds fishy to me. DIL trying to make her feel guilty.
You should have taken the children instead of being out with friends. You should have made an exception to the rule for emergencies. Now you put your families money and job at risk. You're rotten.
You're ridiculous.
Nah she's just a troll. l've seen her trolling other threads
Wow.....entitled much?
Throw your phone number out there. Maybe you can take the kids the next emergency she has.
Her or her husband should’ve paid for emergency daycare or a babysitter
Seriously!? DIL should have had a backup babysitter and MIL was an hour away. Such entitlement in your statement and MIL is allowed a life.
Your an idiot for even thinking that way! Also you apparently can't read as she was over an HOUR away and DIL would not have made it anyway.
You're rotten. As a mom I would never think of dropping my children at a moment's notice to anybody, never mind demanding that they come home. That's completely entitled and exactly why grandparents refuse to babysit anymore. Have some respect for other people's time.
Rachel your entitled. Her kids are not the grandma problem. As a parent you plan appropriately or dont have kids. Im a grandma, I told my kids I dont babysit ever even on emergencies. No one helped me raise them. I planned, called in. And I will not be quilted because parents fail to plan.
Are you 8 years old? Because your response is equal to that of an 8-year-old. You're ridiculous! You're not rotten but.... absolutely ridiculous!
Just because your a doormat!!
She's not the doormat. She's an entitled, demanding mother
No doormats are useful
Maybe YOU should have taken the children, since apparently you don't have a life. Send them your number so they can call for the next emergency.
She was already out with friends when DIL called, like an hour from her house. 🤷🏾♀️
Ok so your the DIL and your mad at your MIL because as a mother of children and whatever job you have that can write you up like that, and you don't have plans in place for this kind of thing. So you dropped the ball and are mad at her. To be honest as a grandmother who watches her grandkids and has a full time job, you should be ashamed of yourself, being a grandparent doesn't mean we are at your peck and call and I would start charging you, just because of your attitude.
And you are stupid and rude.
What's your number? I could use a babysitter.
You're an IDIOT! Grandma has a life. Has anyone wondered where is the DIL's family and friends? Why is all the daycare falling on the MIL???
You're the daughter-in-law, aren't you?
Nah she's just a troll. I've seen her trolling other threads
Please she only has cats
U are ridiculous. She was outa town
Your crazy wish i can call you at rhe drop of hat and have you come running because i was to lazy or stupid to fine someone else lmbo
She was over an hour away with friends. DIL should have called her babysitter or her husband
Are you the daughter in law in this story? Also don’t should all over yourself. While I’ll only agree with a true emergency but that’s it. People are entitled to enjoy their own retirement after they worked and raised their own children. So if you are not the daughter in law, why find this family and babysit the children for free? Because the grandma isn’t doing it for money, you shouldn’t either!
I am a grandmother of 2 boys. A call before showing up would've been the best option. She put herself in that predicament for not doing that. The grandparent have her rules, they agreed to them. Did they add that in that she might get called in last minute? This is not the grandparents fault she got a written warning.
You were absolutely right to set boundaries, especially at your age when energy and health matter more than ever. But to keep peace with your son and DIL, it may help to add a “one-off emergency exception” rule. That way, they know they can rely on you only in truly urgent situations, while still respecting your need for rest and personal time.
I don’t know, I don’t understand the kids not being able to spend the night and also I’m super stoked about being a grandma. Those are memories you could be giving the grandkids. I didn’t have much help when I was raising my kids so I’d want to do things differently with my grandchildren. And I feel like family comes first . Maybe a neighbor could have watched the kids for an hour till grandma got back.
Instead of only discussing boundaries when something goes wrong, set aside time to talk with your son and DIL about what you realistically can and can’t do. Explain that babysitting is a joy for you, not an obligation, and that overstepping your limits risks damaging the relationship. When they see you’re protecting your health, not rejecting your grandkids, it’s easier for them to respect your rules.
It sounds like DIL may have more of an employer problem, then a babysitter problem. OP didnt say what DIL is, but if she felt she didnt need to arrange for emergency babysitter, just in case, then she likely isnt expected to be on call. If this is the case, DIL need to work out the issue with employer...maybe find another job.
That said, it's beyond thd pale for DIL to call MIL and demand her to drop everything without notice. Nevermind how unreasonable it was to expect this when MIL is already an hour away.
I think DIL didnt know how to handle her employer in this situation, and just redirecting her anger onto MIL. Unless DIL knew that being called in was part of her job and made disrespectful assumptions about MIL being weak willed even yo put herself out, despite the 3 restrictions negotiated in the first place.
If you can, help them brainstorm backup options, like recommending another sitter, looking into a local babysitting network, or even swapping favors with another parent they trust. This shows that you care about their struggles but also value your own independence. It softens the “no” and makes you a supportive ally instead of someone they feel is just pushing back.
Lisa has found herself in a tough situation, but it’s not something that she can’t solve. A bit of understanding can go a very long way in a case like this. But she isn’t the only one with family struggles.
Another one of our readers reached out to share the story of her DIL. Read it here: I Refuse to Babysit My Grandkids—I’m a Grandma, Not a Walking Daycare.
This would not have happened in Canada, we have rights & having to stay home because of you kids is not a big deal. having rights matters, it also makes ppl more tolerant
OP is NTA. & DiL needs to get a better job
I watched mtly grandchildren fir years every week.on my days off, so I was working on babysitting literally 7 days a week. Thinking back some rules might have benefitted me, but I do cherish the time spent with grandchildren
Your DIL should have called first before arriving at your doorstep. Most probably after listening to her you would change your plans to help her out
I would not change the rules as I feel from DIL actions she thinks it's her right to storm into your house at any time
You're retired for a reason. Babysitting should be a joy but not an obligation
I think you should have told your DIL tat you'd be there as soon as you could and excused yourself from your visit with your friend. Your DIL didn't make a habit of doing that. Family comes first and I don't really think you want your grands remembering you as the reason their mom was written up or lost her job (possibly). I'm 73 and still work part time. We have 19 grandchildren, 4 live in the house next door. My husband & I love seeing our grands every day, they take turns spending the night, when needed we help with driving them to practices etc. They pop over for snuggles or treats. We bake, It's one of our greatest joys to spend time with them. It's also time they will remember & cherish when we're no longer on this earth.
