I’m Sure My Wife Just Cheated on Me and I Don’t Know What to Do

Relationships
2 months ago

Caught in the suffocating grip of suspicion, one man finds himself filled with doubt: has his wife been unfaithful? Join us as we navigate the dangerous waters of infidelity, exploring the maze-like depths of love, betrayal, and the daunting quest for clarity in the face of uncertainty.

He shared his story.

I think that last night my wife cheated on me. We have been married 10 years, together for 13. She went out to "buy some stuff for the home", which is weird, she hates doing that, and she went with a male friend I don't know. She stayed out for several hours.

It was weird because she spent the day getting ready like it was a date. And when she was gone I grew suspicious and checked around the room, and she had put on her sexy underwear.

I do all the childcare, so I put the kids to bed. She showed up after and refused to tell me most of the details of the man she was with, and told me that, in order to stay in our marriage, she needed some time that was just for her.

She only told me his first name, and when I thought back, I had seen that name pop up in her texts for the last several months. I didn't think anything of it at the time because it's the name of a work friend she has, and they often need to reach out to one another after hours for big projects.

I think that she has been slowly building up the "courage" to cheat on me, and over the last 2 months, she has grown extremely hostile without any reason given, seemingly out of nowhere. Last week, she told me she doesn't want to be married, and it has nothing to do with me. (An outrageous assertion)

Before everyone says I don't do enough as a husband, I do 100% of the childcare, shopping, and housework and I work from home, though she is the primary breadwinner. I am emotionally available and mature, and I don't have a temper. I stay relatively fit and am attractive enough. I am not controlling, I don't object at all to her having male friends, but this screams affair.

I am utterly shattered, and I feel like I am dying. I don't even know how to talk to her about it. She has been so angry lately that communicating with her is a nightmare. I want to divorce her, but that would break apart my children's home. If I file for divorce, would that make me a jerk?

People shared their support.

you take and beat her to the punch - YOU file for separation/divorce and NAME her little friend as the reason for the alienation of affections -and then go for the full support since she earns more and payment for the kids - cause you want the kids to continue with their same routine so that they are hurt as little as possible cause their mother decided to step out of the marriage...

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Reply
  • "She already told you she does not want to be married and with this evidence, you would not be a jerk for wanting a divorce. Sounds like the marriage was headed this way before the apparent cheating." TallOldBtm680 / Reddit
  • "You're not doing kids a favor by staying in a marriage like this! Is this the model of marriage you want them to see?? Nope." top_value7293 / Reddit
  • "Even if she didn’t cheat, y’all sound miserable and are doing the kids a disservice by staying together. Sorry you’re going through that, I think it’s healthier for ourselves and our children to watch us fight for our right to happiness, so they don’t repeat the pattern when they’re grown, and have more agency to go for what they want. You’re teaching them to settle. Rebuilding your kingdom is %100 worth it, had to do it a year ago for the same exact reason. The kids are happier, too." Humble_Evening_7668 / Reddit
  • "She is already gone. I assume she will get even more hostile and pick fights so she can justify to herself that it is ok to lie and cheat on you." RevealActive4557 / Reddit

He later shared an update.

My wife and I talked later. She admitted that she had been talking to this guy for a while and had intended to cheat, but found him to be so lacking, she decided not to. Apparently, he had emotions and wanted a relationship, so she talked with him, bought some of his art, and left. She is still going to hang out with him, but she isn't interested in him anymore, apparently. I asked if she wanted an open relationship, and she said yes.

She said she just doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone. But if she does decide to, she doesn't want to "feel caged" especially after her most recent "disappointment" but she wants to keep our family together. So I have a permanent hall pass and I don't ever have to explain where I was or who I was with, she said that is only fair, and I agreed, and she wants the same.

I can't force her to stay married or monogamous, and I don't want a divorce. So we are roommates now with a legally binding lifetime contract and joint finances. And apparently, I am now in an open relationship. A very sad day for me...but maybe not the worst outcome. So I was right, sort of, and now my marriage is over, sort of. And that's...that's just how life goes, I guess.

Many people choose to live an open relationship. In fact, 4% of the population practices it, and even celebrities have been vocal about it. We hope this style of commitment is suitable for the protagonist of this story.

Preview photo credit devestatedhusband / Reddit

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