My Boyfriend Thinks I’m Responsible for His Daughter, I’ve Reached My Limit

One of our readers recently shared her story — a heartfelt and complex one that many people in blended or evolving families may relate to.

Dear Bright Side Team,

My boyfriend has a 10-year-old daughter. I tried to bond with her by spending time together and helping out. But over time, it started to feel like I was doing everything while my boyfriend just kind of chilled.

Things got worse when she looked at me all serious and said, “I want you to... go to the Family Day event at school with me and my mom.”
On one hand, it honestly touched me that she feels that close to me. But on the other hand... I never signed up to be a stepmom. Her dad and I have been dating for a year, and we’ve only been living together for four months. Even if we were married, he would still need to be her dad.

Over time, he’s gotten more and more hands-off when it comes to taking care of her while she’s with us. It’s like the more I stepped up, the more he checked out.

His daughter needed a costume for a school play, and he told her, “Ask Anna, she’s good at that stuff.” He didn’t even check with me first. Then one day, she forgot her lunch, and he texted me from work to go bring it to her—even though he was just working from home.

I tried to talk to him about it, but he brushed it off like I was overreacting or being dramatic.

I finally had a conversation with him where I made it clear that I can no longer be the one taking responsibility for his daughter. It’s his job, not mine. I’m always happy to support him as a partner, but I can’t continue handling the parenting duties when we’re not even married, and he hardly contributes. He was really upset, saying I was being cold and unfair to his daughter.

Now he’s been distant, and I feel guilty about it. So, I’m wondering...was setting that boundary about not helping with his daughter anymore the right call?

Sincerely,
Anna

First of all, thank you, Anna, for trusting us with such a vulnerable and important story. What you’re feeling is valid, and you’re not alone. Stepping into someone’s life when they have children is never simple—and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or unsure of where your role begins and ends.

Here’s what we want you to know:

1. Clarify roles and expectations.

• In blended families, it's essential to have open discussions with your partner about each person’s role—especially when it comes to parenting. When expectations are unspoken or assumed, resentment can build quickly. Establishing clear boundaries around who is responsible for what can help prevent misunderstandings and preserve respect in the relationship.

2. Set boundaries with compassion.

• Setting a boundary doesn’t mean cutting people off or being unkind—it means respecting yourself and others. Being a supportive partner doesn’t require you to take on a parenting role you didn’t agree to. Express your boundaries with care, but stand by them confidently. Compassionate boundaries build healthier connections, not weaker ones.

3. Prioritize open communication.

• Honest and regular communication is key. Talk about how you feel without blame. Use “I” statements to express your experience and listen actively to his response. If conversations feel one-sided or dismissive, that may be a signal about the larger dynamic in the relationship.

4. Watch his reaction carefully.

• Observing your partner’s response to boundary-setting can provide insights into the health of the relationship. A supportive partner will respect your boundaries and work towards mutual understanding, while dismissive reactions may indicate deeper issues.

5. Recognize the importance of self-care.

• ​It’s essential to recognize when to pause and reassess. Supporting someone else’s child should not compromise your own mental well-being. Taking a step back doesn’t equate to abandonment; rather, it provides an opportunity to reconnect with your personal values and restore emotional balance. Establishing healthy boundaries is a crucial aspect of self-care, allowing you to maintain your mental health while offering support to others.

Blended families come with unique challenges, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or uncertain about your role. What matters most is honoring your needs while remaining open, honest, and compassionate. Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re bridges to healthier, more respectful relationships. Find more articles about relationships here.