My Boyfriend Wanted to Help Me Set Boundaries But Instead Undermined My Career

Sometimes, the biggest threats to our careers come from unexpected places, like our own relationships. One woman shares how her boyfriend’s interference with her work ended up causing tension with her boss. It's not clear if this boundary-breaking moment will be a wake-up call for her relationship.

Our reader dropped us a message.

Thank you for reaching out to us! It's a tricky situation and we'd like to give you some tips that might help you out.

Talk to him.

Have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about why work calls are so important. Explain that you’re not just being a "workaholic". Answering these calls could impact your promotion, your income, and your long-term career growth. He might not fully understand why these calls matter, especially during personal time, so lay it all out.

Express your anger calmly.

It’s natural to be upset about this situation, but instead of yelling or blaming, try to explain to your boyfriend calmly why you’re so angry. Tell him how his actions impacted you, not only emotionally but also professionally. For example, let him know you were embarrassed when your boss gave you a talking-to and that it might have ruined your chances for a promotion that you’ve been working hard for.

Consider his intentions.

Even though what he did was wrong, try to see if he meant well. Maybe he was genuinely trying to help you create a boundary between work and personal life. By recognizing his intentions, you can make the discussion less about blaming and more about finding a solution. Acknowledge his perspective but also explain how it backfired and hurt you in a real way.

Agree on how to handle future work calls.

Come up with a way to handle work calls that works for both of you. Maybe you agree on a signal, like telling him ahead of time which calls are too important to ignore. This way, if your phone rings, he knows whether it’s okay for you to ignore it or if you need to take it. This approach makes sure both of you are on the same page, and it prevents him from taking matters into his own hands again.

It’s hard when someone close to your partner doesn’t seem to respect you. In this article, our reader shares her struggle with her husband’s childhood friend, who constantly crosses boundaries and makes unpleasant comments.