My Date Refused to Pay for My Vegan Meal, and That Wasn’t the Only Red Flag

Dating can feel exciting but also tricky, especially when expectations around money and respect don’t align. Stories about first date disagreements, splitting the bill, and dating red flags are common, and they highlight just how complicated modern relationships can get.

Letter from Charlotte:

Hey Bright Side,

So I (27F) went on a first date last week with this guy (29M) I’d been chatting with for a bit. We’d been vibing over text, and I was actually excited because it’s been a while since I felt that little pre-date buzz. Anyway, we went to this cute little restaurant. Conversation is flowing, no weird silences, honestly, I thought things were going well.

Then the bill comes. He picks it up, looks at it for a second, then literally slides it over to me and says, something like this: “I don’t think it’s fair you expect me to pay for your vegan meal, which I didn’t even try.” I was honestly so shocked I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t ask him to order it, I didn’t make him eat it, it was just my dinner. But instead of starting an argument right there, I just excused myself, went to the restroom, and walked straight out.

A couple of hours later, he calls me, super angry, accusing me of putting him in an uncomfortable situation and demanding I pay him back. I didn’t respond. Next thing I know, mutual friends are telling me he’s ranting that I’m “the worst date he’s ever had” and that I acted entitled.

So now I’m second-guessing myself. I didn’t expect him to pay for my food, I would’ve happily split if he’d asked! But the way he said it made me feel like I was being scolded for ordering what I normally eat?? Idk, it just rubbed me so wrong.

Bright Side, be honest, was I in the wrong here? Should I have just paid for my part and avoided the drama, or was leaving the right move?

Best,
Charlotte.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, Charlotte! It takes courage to put something so personal out there. We wanted to take a moment to gather some advice and perspectives that might help you see this situation from different angles.

• Don’t mistake loud for right — The angrier someone gets, the more they hope you’ll back down. His blowing up your phone and demanding money wasn’t about fairness; it was about control. Always trust how your body feels in those moments. If you feel cornered? That’s your signal to dip.
• Don’t confuse respect with romance — It’s easy to think, “Well, maybe he was just stressed or awkward.” No. Respect isn’t optional; it’s the bare minimum. If that’s missing on date one, imagine what year three looks like. You did yourself a favor.
• Keep dating fun, not a test — It’s so easy to start seeing dating as this endless minefield after a bad experience. Don’t let this guy steal the fun of meeting new people. Keep it light. Keep it curious. And remember, if it ever feels like a battle, it’s not your person.

At the end of the day, awkward first dates and money debates are just part of the learning curve in modern dating. Each experience, even the tough ones, brings you closer to finding someone who truly values and respects you.
Read next — “10 Terrible First Dates That Deserve a Drama Award”