My Husband Refused to Fire Our Nanny, and Things Took an Unexpected Turn

Relationships are great. We test the waters until we find the one person we want to settle down with and start a family with and, if it’s in the cards, we could even have kids with them. But when it comes to childcare, we want someone we trust. One of our readers didn’t get that.

This is Lily’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

My husband and I have a 4-month-old baby together. Last month I decided to return to work and my husband hired a nanny to help with the baby. Everything seemed fine until I checked the security cameras last week.

I saw them being closer than you’d expect, and that was when I started getting suspicious. A few days later I found some of his older photos and realized that she was his ex. I was upset, as I think any woman would be, so I confronted my husband.

He confessed, saying that she was the woman he dated right before he met me. The one he apparently left for me. They were high school sweethearts and according to him, she was in a rough patch. He says he felt that it was his responsibility to help her out so he gave her a job.

I felt betrayed because he didn’t tell me that from the very beginning. Maybe things would’ve been easier if I knew. But right now, it feels like he’s going behind my back to be with his ex. So I asked him to hire someone else, but he refused.

I tried to stay calm, but it didn’t work, so I hatched a plan and a week later I got a response from the private detective I hired. Turns out, she wasn’t facing any financial troubles. She was from a very wealthy family who had been supporting her entire life.

But it didn’t end there. The detective also caught my husband sneaking out to be with her when he tells me he’s working late. That was enough to snap my last nerve. So I got into the car and drove to the hotel where the two of them were meeting.

I found them in the hotel restaurant and confronted them. That’s when his ex said something that broke me. She told me that she was the one who left him because she thought we’d be a better fit. The two of them are nothing more than close friends, and recently she ran into a problem.

His mother contacted her and asked her to "steal him"from me. When she refused, her family were contacted and since they wanted the two of them to end up together, they gave her an ultimatum. She could do what his mother asked, or she could leave. She chose to leave.

They disowned her, and since then she hasn’t been able to find her footing. She contacted my husband and told him what happened with the hope that he’d help. He agreed. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said that he didn’t want things to feel uncomfortable.

Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. So Bright Side, what should I do? Should I believe them and help her out? Or is there something more sinister going on here?

Regards,
Lily S.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Dear Lily,

Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand that this situation is a difficult one and that you’re feeling torn between what they saw and the evidence you’ve seen for yourself.

You’re right to feel shaken. This isn’t just about a nanny, it’s about secrecy and misplaced loyalty. The real problem here isn’t whether his ex has money, or whether his mother meddled.

But that your husband knowingly made a major decision that directly affected your family without your knowledge, and then doubled down by refusing to correct it when you asked. That’s not a partnership, that’s him prioritizing someone else’s comfort over yours.

If you want clarity, don’t focus on whether his ex is truly struggling, focus on your husband’s choices. He hid the truth, put you in an unfair position, and dismissed your very reasonable boundary about not wanting his ex in your home caring for your child.

That isn’t a minor misstep, it’s a breach of trust. Before you decide whether to extend compassion to his ex, you need to see whether your husband is willing to take responsibility and rebuild trust with you.

If he can’t acknowledge the damage he’s done and take action to put your marriage first, then the issue isn’t her, it’s him.

Lily finds herself in a situation that’s nearly impossible to manage. She needs to find out if her husband and his ex are being truthful, and then she needs to decide what she’s going to do about it.

But she isn’t the only one that’s struggling with a secret brought on by a spouse. Another one of our readers reached out with her problem. Read the full story here: My Husband Skipped Our Anniversary, So I Followed Him and Uncovered the Truth.