My Kids Don't Know About Their Sister That My Wife Gave Up for Adoption and She Wants It Kept Secret

Everyone has secrets, but they rarely stay hidden forever. Eventually, the truth surfaces, often within the confines of family. Sometimes, circumstances or mistakes lead parents to make the difficult decision to give their children up for adoption. However, this story is different. This husband felt deeply betrayed when he discovered the truth about his wife’s adopted daughter.

“A few years ago, my wife and I got a letter from a woman claiming to be my wife’s daughter, Laurel, who wanted to meet with her. She’d told me that she’d given up a child for adoption when she was young, so I was expecting that this might happen.

What I didn’t expect was that the truth was there was never any adoption. She just left the baby with the father and bailed.”

“The worst thing about this is that when Laurel was 12, she wrote my wife begging for help. Her response was to write her the nastiest reply imaginable (I’ve since had a chance to read it) that basically blamed her for her problems and threatened her against contacting her again and ’ruining her family’.

I couldn’t believe it. Not only she has been lying this whole time, but she actively had contact and chose to abandon her a second time while we were married. This has all been an emotional dumpster fire, but that’s an issue of its own.”

“We’ve been in contact and building a relationship for the last few years. So much therapy. So far, we’ve kept this all away from our kids. At this point, it’s been a few years, and there’s interest in having everyone meet.

The thing is, between my wife and Laurel, they’ve come to an ’agreement’ to tell the kids and everyone else in the family that Laurel is a family friend. Absolutely not. I’m sick of the lying. What they call each other is their own deal and I don’t expect that to change, but I’m not lying anymore. I don’t like lying to my kids as a policy, but lying to them about who’s related to them and who isn’t is dangerous.

I only want them to meet if we can tell them the truth. Now I’m getting into it with my wife, Laurel, and my parents (the only outside people who know). They say I should go along with it, not for my wife’s sake but for Laurel’s. I understand why she would want that, but I don’t think I care anymore. The kids need to know.”

What people had to say about this:

• “The fallout from lying will be far worse than telling the truth upfront if she’s ever found out. And you’ll be just as guilty as her in your kids’ eyes for lying by omission. If she’s that ashamed, then she shouldn’t be bringing Laurel around the family.” RichSignal7022 / Reddit
• “So your wife wants to continue this lie forever. Your kids are going to find out eventually. It’s going to happen no matter how hard your wife protects her lie. Just doing a DNA test from Ancestry will uncover it. A relative who knows can slip up. Does she want the kids to find out like that? They might hate her forever for it.
  This lie is going to cause an avalanche of issues, and your children deserve to know this person is their sister. Their sister also deserves to know her siblings as siblings, not as generic friends. Hasn’t your wife damaged her enough with the abandonment? I can’t imagine being the daughter who was treated this way.
  As for you, I don’t think I could stay with a person capable of this. She’s been lying to you, and that’s not forgivable to me. There is nothing to stop you from being honest with your own children. You don’t have to keep the secret.
  What is your wife going to do...divorce you? She would be doing you a favor. She isn’t a good person. She rejected her own daughter twice. She had 30 years to correct this and she didn’t. She wants to keep it going.” tatersprout / Reddit
• “You shouldn’t have to lie to your kids because your wife can’t tell the truth about abandoning her daughter.” RaineMist / Reddit
• “Not your decision to make. If they have agreed, you should respect their wishes. The backstory doesn’t matter, what matters is how your wife and her daughter want to proceed.” drastic2 / Reddit

• “The only thing I think you should allow is a watering down of the exact circumstances this daughter was abandoned. I think requiring her to stick to the truth is a valid hill for you to die on. It’s not just about what happened in the past. It’s also about your wife being able to demonstrate now that she can be a person you’re willing to stay with.
  Perhaps the story should be limited to ’Here is my daughter, I had her when I was so young, naive, and not at all ready.’ If anyone presses her a bit, she could say ’Yeah, I failed her badly, but we’re working on things now.’ ” pukui7 / Reddit
• “I think the only reason Laurel is going along with it is that she’s so desperate for your wife’s approval that she’ll do anything she says. That’s so manipulative of your wife. I would talk to Laurel alone. Tell her you are telling the kids the truth and assure her she is now a part of your family no matter what your wife thinks. This is your kids’ half-sibling, they deserve to know that.” Mommabroyles / Reddit
• “A secret is different from a lie. There are different rules for secrets. But this is about a lie. You should tell your wife that you will not lie for them, so if anyone puts you in a position of having to confirm the cover story (saying it directly in front of you, asking you about details) you won’t lie.
  You’ll describe her correctly and accurately as your stepdaughter or your wife’s daughter from a previous relationship. You do not have to lie to anyone, especially your own children.” SpaceCommuter / Reddit
• “Someone should ask Laurel what she wants. Your kids will go through a lot of emotions when they find out, and they will find out. Spoken as someone who found out I had a half-brother and sister when I was 15.” No_Goose_7390 / Reddit

Sometimes, we might find it amusing to eavesdrop on others’ conversations, but some secrets are better unheard. However, these people accidentally overheard family secrets that completely changed their lives.