My Mother-in-Law Is Doing Everything in Her Power to Get Me Out of Her Home

Suddenly finding your living situation drastically changed can be quite daunting. Especially when you’re a married couple forced to live with your in-laws. Finding a balance between respecting each other and maintaining your emotional space, is vital. One woman faced this struggle as she found herself in conflict while living with a mother-in-law, who openly dislikes her. With feelings of frustration and the tension in the house growing, she felt compelled to reach out to us for support.

Here’s her letter:

Thank you, Rose, for trusting us with this sensitive situation. Here are five pieces of advice to help you navigate this challenging time.

Make your mental and emotional space your priority right now.

With tensions running so high, it would do you good to find your own emotional safe space, whether it be a park, a library or café, where you can limit physical interactions with your mother-in-law. You can still be respectful and neutral when you do interact with her but not being in the same space with her might limit your conflicts and it could help you to decompress before you see her again.

This might also help you to create mindfulness so that you find the mental strength to not take her behaviour personally. It’s normal to feel hurt by your mother-in-laws behaviour, but her behaviour is not a reflection of your worth — just her own frustrations. You are worthy of good things, and getting into a space where it’s easier to believe that, even if it’s just for a few hours a day, could help you build a better mental state while protecting your emotional resilience.

You and your husband are a team

While your mother-in-law and your husbands relationship, seems to have it’s flaws at the moment, you two can find support in each other. You’re in the same boat and while you’re still trying to get your finances right, you can find comfort each other.

Have an open conversation about how the hostility is affecting you and discuss how you both can make the atmosphere more tolerable until you can leave. Showing a united front might also discourage further outbursts from your mother-in-law. Mutual understanding and support are key in times of stress like this.

Seek a support system

You don’t have to suffer in silence. Finding support in online communities or friends and family, just to vent or to not feel so alone, might be good for you. There are mental health support resources that are budget friendly, just do your research and find one that works for the both of you. The situation right now may seem imprisoning but you just have to look around to realise that you and your husband are not as alone as you think. Talking to people outside the household can offer both emotional relief and perspective.

Focus on an exit strategy.

Your best option might be to endure for now but focus your energy on finding ways to move out sooner. Try to have a discussion with your husband about tightening the budget even more or looking for alternative living arrangements, even if they are temporary or less than ideal. This could mean staying with friends, renting a cheaper place, or picking up additional side work.

Let your mother-in-law’s negative behavior motivate you to expedite your exit plan. Sometimes knowing there’s a timeline for relief can make a tense situation more manageable.

Communicate strategically

Confronting her directly might just escalate the situation, but having a conversation while focusing on being calm and factual rather than emotional may help to focus on setting your boundaries without sounding like you’re accusing her.

Try to disarm her by speaking to her when things aren’t as tense and if another conflict does arise, do your best to remain calm, share your thoughts with her and let her know that you’d like to speak with her and express your concerns.

Mother-in-laws have a way of winding up their families with their antics. Here are 10 more that you might be able to relate to.