My Sister Spoils Her Kids, and I Had to Take Action to Make Her See Reason

When it comes to raising children, it is difficult to agree on certain matters, especially when there’s a very different way of looking at parenting. Then the tension can suddenly break, ruining any efforts at kindness and harmony. This is precisely what happens in this story between two sisters and their children.

“My younger sister and her family, which includes her, her husband, and two kids, were visiting my husband and me and staying at our home for a week. We don’t live in the same state. I’ve had kids of my own, but they are young adults now and out of the house.

My sister is much younger than me and is still in the young family stage. We’ve always had a pretty close and good relationship despite our age gap.

My sister does gentle parenting. I’d never heard of that before she came to stay with us because I guess I’m out of the loop since my kids are grown now. She explained to me that gentle parenting means they don’t do time out, don’t do grounding, and so on, but instead, it’s talking about their feelings.”

“I thought that was a bit odd because it sounds like there is zero discipline but didn’t say anything so as to not rock the boat. Until I saw gentle parenting in action and was appalled.

During the first two days of their stay, her daughter drew on my walls with crayons, and her son pulled up flowers I had recently planted in my garden bed and threw a rock at my car parked in the driveway.

To top it all off, they both kept constantly pulling my golden retriever’s hair. My dog is very sweet and a little on the older side, so she’s very calm. She never bit, attempted to bite, or did anything that would harm or spook the kids.”

“In every instance, I was expecting her or her husband to discipline the kids. They never did. So I did. Or at least I tried.

Just me telling her kids to stop, or scolding them in the slightest, made my sister lose her mind. She told me it was not my place to discipline them. I told her someone had to because they were messing up my home, but I agreed it should be their parents scolding them, however, it seems their parents were not willing to.

I told her they need a fairly stern punishment for what they’ve been doing, and she started going off about how they refuse to spank their kids like we were spanked as kids. I told her I’m not suggesting she spank her kids, but a stern talking to and making them clean up what they destroyed would be a good idea.

She said what her kids were doing was not worth what I would call discipline. All she did in every instance was asking them, ’What kind of feelings are you having that made you do that?’ And that was it.”

“So I realized this behavior was not going to stop and my husband and I told them they need to find a hotel or go home. Even though we had planned for them to stay a full week, we couldn’t handle more than two days because of the gentle parenting.

I told her that gentle parenting is going to cause her kids to have a very hard life and rude awakening someday, probably even jail time. Now she won’t speak to me, and our mom says I’m in the wrong for kicking them out when they planned on staying longer.”

Tips for avoiding family tensions when it comes to raising children.

• Establish clear and respectful boundaries from the beginning: Before a visit or stay-over, it is helpful to have a calm and frank discussion about the house rules and what is expected of children’s behavior. Clarifying beforehand what is allowed and what is not can avoid misunderstandings and resentment.
• Avoid judging or imposing parenting methods: Every family raises their children differently, and although it can be difficult, it is important not to directly criticize each other’s decisions. Instead of saying “That’s wrong”, you can ask: “Can I help you?” or “What do you usually do in these cases?”
• Nurture the relationship over disagreement: Remember that the family bond is more valuable than a one-off argument. If a difference arises, it is better to postpone the conflict and talk about it at a calmer time. Sometimes it is better to give a little to protect the relationship in the long run.

It can be stressful and overwhelming to choose whether you should be strict or lenient with your kids. Here are 4 common parenting types and how they can affect your kid in the future.