My Son Refused to Let Me Into His Room, It Was Worse Than I Imagined

There comes a time when parents must let their kids experience the real world on their own, specifically after college. Finding a job and making a living is their next step. While some parents offer some help, this mom provided an entire safety net.

My son’s overstaying his welcome in my house.

I’m a single mother. Ever since my son finished college, he’s been living with me until he finds a job and gets on his feet. But I’ve been noticing that he’s putting no effort into finding a job. He’s always in his room yelling while playing video games.

What’s worse is that he doesn’t clean up after himself. He’s treating me like his personal maid. Despite that, he never lets me go into his room, saying “I’m a man now, you can’t go through my things.” But, every time I pass his room, I get a whiff of something terrible. It was unbearable.

I had to find out what that smell was coming from.

One day, he decided to go out with his friends. So, I went to his room and got to cleaning. I saw months’ old empty pizza boxes, dirty cups, and laundry thrown everywhere. When I pulled up his bed, I saw a bunch of receipts.

I pulled a few out and found out that he’d been using my credit card to buy expensive computer parts, and I never even noticed. I was beyond hurt. I’d been cooking, cleaning, and financially supporting someone who had lied every single day.

I confronted him that night and he didn’t even deny it. “You always say we’re family, what’s the big deal?” I told him to pack his things and move out.

He moved out but I’m feeling conflicted.

He moved in with a college friend the next day. We haven’t spoken since. I miss him, but I also feel betrayed. I raised him with love. Where did I go wrong? Should I reach out, or wait for him to realize what he did?

I’d love your advice.
Sarah H.

He had to learn a lesson.

Thank you for sharing your story with us Sarah. Your son is a grown man, even he mentioned that. He needs to learn that not everything in life is free and handed to him just because you allowed him to live with you. Your decision to kick him out was a much-needed wake-up call for him to start growing up and facing the real world.

Try to be open to forgiving your son.

While forgiveness is difficult in this situation, he is still your son. You can take all the time you need to approach him again, if he’ll lend a listening ear. You just need to let him know that this situation made you feel used and taken for granted. Once that’s out of your chest, you can let him process it, and hopefully he’ll learn some empathy from it.

You’re not a bad parent, he’s on a better path now.

It’s easy to look at this moment and wonder where things went wrong. But one mistake doesn’t erase a lifetime of parenting. You raised him with love, care, and values. Now is the time to let him walk his own path and figure out his life, just like any other person. He needs this independence, just like you need your peace.

Leaving the nest for a lot of kids can be a tough ordeal. Nonetheless, it marks the official transition to adulthood and builds personal growth and self-reliance. Just look at how this parent insists that his son leave the house after graduating university.