My Stepdaughter Treats Me Worse Than an Enemy, and It Stops Now—the Reality Will Hit Her Hard

👨 "You're not my father." These words linger in the mind of a stepdad who has spent years trying to connect with his stepdaughter. Though he has always been there for her, offering support in every way, she has kept her distance. Now, faced with a financial request, he’s finally putting his foot down. Do you think he’s making the right call?

My wife passed away when my sons were 8 and 4. Since then, I remarried, and my new wife and I have been married for 11 years. She was married before and had a daughter from her past marriage. Her ex-husband's story is its own saga, but suffice it to say he's alive but isn't in their life anymore.

When we married, my biological children were 13 and 9, and my stepdaughter was 12. For 11 years, I tried to make some bridges; I would get her gifts and try to make sure she always got what she wanted. I did everything I could to make her happy.

I would drive her to school and be at her extracurriculars; I paid for the nicest private schools for her I could. Not to mention, I worked day and night so I could give her the lifestyle she deserved (my wife is a housewife, a choice she made after she voluntarily quit her job in marketing). I tried my best and treated her just like my sons, but she continued to hate me.

This came to a head specifically when my stepdaughter graduated about 5 years ago. While my eldest son had invited my wife (his stepmom) to his graduation, my stepdaughter refused to invite me. She had two tickets, but she only invited her mother (her grandparents refused, as they live in my wife's native country).

When I asked why? She said, "You're not my dad; you didn't raise me, and I don't want you in my life." I was heartbroken. I tried very hard for her to like me, but she hated me. Still, I paid for her college (I paid for both of my son's colleges as well).

Nevertheless, a few months ago, she informed my wife that she would be getting married. I only found out when my wife told me. What was even more devastating was that she said she would come home to celebrate, and I brought a cake, balloons, and so much more. Then, last minute, she changed plans. She just told my wife that she should come over to her apartment without my sons and me. I was shattered.

When I eventually called to congratulate her, she just tried to end the conversation as quickly as she could. The last thing I asked was maybe the honor of having a father-daughter dance with her, which she had shot down.

I said nothing, but then came the bill, and my wife said she needed some money for her wedding. I considered it long and hard, but clearly, as she didn’t consider me as her father, I said I would not be paying for her wedding. I told my wife that she had money saved up; it was her choice to use that if she wanted, but I would not be paying for her wedding. She was furious at me; she said she barely had any money saved up, and I was being an awful person.

I have received calls from all of my wife’s family telling me that I should pay (mainly her immediate family, like my father-in-law and my brother-in-law). The whole thing has become a mess; it has divided our family, but I am still holding my ground. Am I right in my decision?

Reddit users supported the man’s stance:

• You're a person with feelings, not an atm. You can stash in a corner and demand cash from. @Ballamookieofficial / Reddit
• Your stepdaughter wants nothing to do with you. Why does she think she can have your wallet? She can call her “real dad.” You know, the one that “raised her.” @pineboxwaiting / Reddit
• I'm so mad at them and it’s not even my business. Why did you let her treat you like that? Why did you still try to have a relationship with her when all she does is use you for money? DON'T PAY FOR HER WEDDING and don’t let your wife gaslight and guilt tripping you. You don’t own your stepdaughter anything. @Appropriate-Name06 / Reddit
• Please make sure your stepdaughter understands all that you have financially done for her and that you are now drawing the line because she continues to treat you badly. Next, she will want a house, vacations, etc. This will never end until you end it.
  She's an adult now and has every right to choose who she likes and respects. But you married her mother, not her, and as an adult now, your financial commitment to her as her mother's husband has come to an end. She does not have a right to expect that you or anyone else in the world will reward her for anything she has not earned, including the money you earned and saved for your family. She had every opportunity to become an actual member of your family and she has rejected it time and time again. @Mama_JayJay / Reddit
• You've been more than generous. She can't use you for your money while simultaneously shutting you out of her life. It doesn't work like that. @throwaway18562345 / Reddit

Others shared their thoughts on how to approach the conversation moving forward:

• When your wife’s family asks I would be sure to tell them EXACTLY why you aren’t paying!! Also, let them know they are free to help pay for it. @Constant_Ad_8933 / Reddit
• You should take some time to explain to your wife why you’re taking the stance that you are. She shouldn’t be surprised though. She was there watching her daughter reject you so she can’t blame you. @Unknown author / Reddit
• Explain to the family that your stepdaughter doesn't want you involved in her wedding at all and doesn't want anything to do with you. That means she doesn't want your money either and you're respecting that by not helping or trying to force your way into her life. If they have an issue with it, they are going after the wrong person. @thepananabread / Reddit

💥 Family drama is heating up again! A man’s soon-to-be stepfather has made an unusual request, leaving him caught between wanting to keep his mother happy and thinking, “Wait... is this for real?” How would you handle this situation?