My Wife Is a Cancer Survivor, and Her “Last Wish” Made My Hair Stand on End
A man named Derek wrote a letter to our editorial telling his story, and the whole situation seemed like a huge rollercoaster. His wife was diagnosed with cancer and, luckily, her case wasn’t terminal. The man expected any type of behavior from his wife and was ready to deal with it, but life prepared for him a bitter pill to swallow. Let’s dive into Derek’s story and try to help him find a proper way out together.
Derek used to think that his family was stable and happy, until one day.
Derek, who’s 45, and his wife Melania, who’s 43, have been married for 20 years already, and they’ve been together for 25 years in total. The man described his wife as the most loyal, intelligent, caring and thoughtful person he’s ever known. Derek admits that he has always thought of himself as fortunate to have met and married Melania. She’s a beautiful woman, and many people have told her this throughout their marriage. But Melania has always been hesitant about her own appearance.
Seven months ago, Derek’s wife was diagnosed with uterine cancer, but it was not severe and doctors reacted quickly. She had a full hysterectomy and things were becoming better for her. Derek was never concerned about the woman’s state, as he admitted. Her cancer was diagnosed early, and the woman made a full recovery.
Derek took time off work to look after his wife after she had her surgery, and all seemed to go just well. As the man confessed, he knew that there would be some emotional behaviors on her part, and although he has never been an emotional person, the spouses dealt with them together. But one day turned their life upside down.
All of sudden, Derek’s wife turned into an absolutely different person.
After the woman’s recovery, she came to Derek with a suggestion that they should start “living life to the fullest”. Then, without any explanation, she took an extended trip to another country. Derek was fine with these things, as he accepted them as building memories and crossing bucket-list adventures off his wife’s list. He understood that, at some point, his wife was feeling fragile. She also started a dancing class, taking swimming lessons and even cooking classes. The understanding man was fully supportive until recently.
A couple of weeks ago, Melania came home from work and told Derek she needed a “hall pass”. For her, it meant a one-time opportunity for her to have date another man.
Derek wrote, “She said that since her cancer diagnosis her view of life has changed, and she doesn’t want to be handcuffed from doing things that bring her pleasure. She told me that there was a guy at her work that she has always been attracted to. He was going to quit his job at the company and Melania would never see him again. She then said it was the perfect opportunity to have a one-night date with someone else. She said that I could refuse, but that she would be totally frustrated with me and my toxicity.”
The man was totally overwhelmed with such a turn of events.
Derek wrote that for him, not wanting his wife of many years to date someone else didn’t seem as being toxic. He told his wife immediately that she was crossing the border there and that for him this was a very large issue that could totally affect the rest of their marriage and life. Melania just apologized that she has put such a large decision only on his shoulders and that she didn’t need his approval or disapproval anymore.
The man wrote about his feelings at that moment, saying, “Part of me wants to explain her behavior, and justify her for being honest with me. I know she has been through a lot since that cancer diagnosis, so maybe I need to close my eyes and let her do whatever she wants. But mostly I felt like I was ready to throw away our marriage because of her request. Now I just don’t know what to do. I feel for her and at the same time I am mad with her.”
We’d advise Derek and his wife to apply for a professional help.
We are very grateful to Derek for taking his time and effort and writing to us, and also for his immense trust in us. We think that the situation has gone too far and that the couple needs to see a family counselor for better understanding of where they should move further.
If Derek agrees to his wife’s suggestion, it means he will know about his wife’s infidelity and will kind of agree for it to happen. If Melania takes this step, she may be unpleasantly surprised that cheating on her husband was not something that would bring her satisfaction. And she would need to live with this understanding her whole life.
So, a professional therapist might suggest the couple some alternative options for their better agreement and mutual understanding.
And here’s yet another story of a man who claims he accidentally cheated on his wife, and is now shocked by the way she responded to this act.