This Woman Knows Her Brother Is Solely to Blame for His Bitter Divorce

When 2 people decide to move on from their marriage, both of their lives are turned upside down. They suddenly have to make major changes in their lives and some of them are forced to move back to their parents’ homes. And in that home, other siblings might also still live there so the situation can get out of hand very easily. You are not little kids anymore who are running around playing, but grown-ups who sometimes have trouble accepting your mistakes.

A concerned Bright Side reader sent us a letter explaining her problem with her brother after he and his wife decided to break up.

Here at Bright Side, we had a long discussion about your issue and we have a few tips to give you.

Hi Paloma,

Thanks for getting in touch with us and sharing your problem. We all have had to deal, at some point, with people that were in desperate need for a reality check so maybe we can help you. And during this difficult time, you will need to have a very serious discussion with your brother and help him understand where he went wrong.

• He is still in denial and has a fragile ego. These are 2 reasons why people become defensive when you talk to them about their mistakes. And that’s why he uses weak excuses to cover up for his own mistakes. Deep inside he knows that he is guilty but he can’t yet admit it and that’s why he fights with you.
• You can’t solve his defensiveness, but you can guide him and help him go see a therapist. His behavior goes past his divorce and he’s probably been like this his whole life. He will probably reject your idea of a therapist, but you won’t lose anything by proposing it.
• You were right to give him a reality check but you shouldn’t have snapped. We get it, you had hit your limits, but being subjective toward someone won’t solve anything. You can have another conversation with him and tell him, in a calm manner, about all the mistakes he made and how they affected him and his ex-wife.

• You need to make him realize that he’s made mistakes. The best way to do that is to start talking about his past actions without necessarily pointing the finger at him. Try and focus on the solutions there might be and not just on the problems. Also, positive reinforcement might be good here, since he seems to have lost his purpose.
• He had no right to tell you to leave your home. When it comes to this part, you and your parents should remind him that he is only a guest, while you have been living there for a long time. You are all there to help him but he will be leaving sooner or later. You will also leave whenever you see fit, not whenever he dictates.
• If none of the above methods have any effect on him, just freeze him out. If he keeps dismissing your help and stays stubborn, there is no reason for you to keep trying. Try and stay out of his life for some time and your silence might speak louder than your words ever did.

Have you ever faced a similar situation and if so how did you react? Did you manage to talk things out with your relative or friend or did you put an end to your relationship?