“You’re All Blocked!” My MIL Went Behind My Back—I Refused to Stay Silent

For one mother, her MIL’s actions went so far that walking away was the only option. Now, caught in a whirlwind of family drama, she’s forced to make a tough decision—stand her ground or apologize to keep the peace.

My mother-in-law and I have a pretty great relationship, and I love her, but sometimes I just feel like she thinks a lot less of me than her biological children.

My 8-month-old baby recently went through some health problems and lost quite a bit of weight, but her doctor had no problem with it because she was quite chunky before, and it just wasn’t a concern. She said it’s normal for them to lose weight when sick. My baby is healthy again now.

I breastfeed her, and my mother-in-law says that I don’t have enough milk for my baby, and that’s why she keeps unlatching (I think it’s just that she gets distracted easily, and as soon as she hears something, she wants to see what it is). She told me that I need to start giving her formula or feed her my SIL’s milk because she apparently has very fatty milk.

I told her no and that I know I have enough milk. When I pump, I pump about 16 ounces per session, and when I let it stand, there is a lot of fat at the top.

Okay, now here is where I got upset. She told my SIL about it, and she brought milk to my mother-in-law's house behind my back. One day, while I was cleaning up her house, she was watching my kids so that I could clean in peace and get it done quicker.

Once I finished, I went to her room, and there she was feeding my baby with my SIL's milk. I got really upset. I told her that I had just fed the baby an hour ago and that I had asked her not to feed her anything. She said she was crying and very hungry, and she’s too skinny. I took my kids and went home right away.

My SIL and MIL have all texted me saying I was rude to just leave like that without saying anything and that I’m overreacting. My husband is also very upset with his mother because he said she has never been supportive of my breastfeeding because my daughter had so many foods I needed to avoid.

Another one of my SILs texted me saying I’m not welcome at her house anymore until I apologize to my MIL because she was very hurt by me. I honestly don’t know if I overreacted because I’m sensitive about the subject, or if my mother-in-law is just trying to act like the victim.

In the comments, the story unfolded a little bit more. Turned out that the baby has severe allergies to some products:

• My baby has food allergies, including cow milk protein, and breast milk from another person could make her very sick. I would be irate. © ImHidingFromMy- / Reddit

My baby also has a dairy and soy allergy. Last time I had any, she got a severe reaction, which ended up causing a whole bunch more health issues that we dealt with for 5 months. We just got done with it all, and it is very scary to me that she would do this.

People supported the woman, saying that her mother-in-law was incredibly rude and crossed boundaries in an unacceptable way.

• Your SIL's plan for you not to go to her house is a good idea. She was complicit. Your baby's diet is a decision for you, your husband, and your doctor to decide, not them. They didn't just cross the line. They stomped all over it.
  It's also NOT healthy to just suddenly switch like that. For all any of you know, your baby could have allergies or sensitivities that could be triggered by your SIL's milk.
  I would not leave your child with them at ANY point until you can be confident they won't pull this kind of stunt, or she's old enough to fend for herself. © Material-Profit5923 / Reddit

• That was a huge violation. Your milk adapts to your child, your milk is best. Milk is a bodily fluid, I would demand SIL produce blood work proving your child was not harmed. MIL can't be alone with your baby, and neither can SIL. © Bright_Ad_36*0 / Reddit

• While I know throughout history women have shared breast milk, that is absolutely not ok without the mother's consent. This was a major overreach, and you should reply that they're no longer welcome to see your child until they apologize and learn to respect your boundaries. © Witty-Stock-4913 / Reddit

• Have you ever heard the phrase, "Don't threaten me with a good time?" Sometimes the best gift you can give yourself is just saying "Okay" when some people make threats like, "You can't play at my house because you didn't appreciate me feeding your child my breast milk without my knowledge."
  Don't engage with either of them. Being a parent means picking your battles. Keep your baby away from these nuts and enjoy the time away from crazy. © epiphanomaly / Reddit

• Holy inappropriate behavior! Your in-laws shouldn't be allowed anywhere near your baby! This is not their child, they disregarded your instructions, went behind your back.
  You're not overreacting. No one should be feeding your child anything without your permission. © Unknown author / Reddit

• What a gross violation of your trust. MIL and SIL can get bent. I cannot imagine someone feeding my infant something without my permission, let alone feeding her something I didn't want them to. That would be... *shaking head*.
  I would have choice words for MIL and SIL. Glad your husband is behind you. © SoImaRedditUserNow / Reddit

And many commentators agreed that it's her MIL who needs to apologize.

• I would be LIVID if my in-laws pulled something like this. You handled that with way more class than I would have!
  Next time they text, I recommend the following:
  “What we feed our child is between us and her pediatrician. We have explained this too many times to repeat it. MIL has been nothing but rude about my breastfeeding, and she was sneaky, she knows she was sneaky, and I will not tolerate being made the villain.
  You are all blocked until I receive a proper apology for MIL feeding MY CHILD what she was told NOT to feed her. End of discussion.” © Unknown author / Reddit

• Your MIL & SIL are awful people. You said not to do it, and she did anyway. Planned and executed behind your back.
  They owe you an apology. No one would blame you if you never left your child there again, since they cannot be trusted. © Unknown author / Reddit

• MIL and SIL were rude to you, and you did the right thing by leaving. You are the baby's mother and not them, and they need to respect your boundary in this.
  Text back SIL and tell her that you will not apologize to either one of them, and it is you who will go total NC to both of them unless THEY apologize to you. And then go NC. Gotta nip this in the bud here and now, or you will be forever fighting this. © Mustng1966 / Reddit

Sometimes, the dangers of disregarding a mother’s boundaries aren't always clear. For example, in this story, what seemed like a harmless kiss from a well-meaning adult ended up causing a serious complication for a child, who now faces the possibility of losing an eye.