Bright Side

19 Stories About Security Guards That Could Easily Make a Plot for a Funny Comedy

We often perceive security guards as extremely serious people, who are unable to crack even a tiny smile. If you only knew how wrong those stereotypes are and how interesting the representatives of this profession are in real life.

In the vast landscape of the internet, Bright Side came across 19 stories about security guards that’ll boost your mood from 0 to 100 within a couple of seconds. There is a bonus waiting for you at the end that will show you the thought process each of us has gone through at least once while visiting a cosmetics shop.

  • When entering our office building in the morning, I noticed that our security guard had gotten a tablet. He was sitting, looking quite serious, awkwardly pressing a 10-inch-screen. My thought was that he wouldn’t feel bored anymore because he would be able to watch TV series, play games, and use all the other benefits of the internet. When I looked closer, I realized that nothing had changed — he was now doing crosswords on the tablet. © LLIauTaH / Pikabu
  • My mom, who works as a hairdresser, has just told me there is a nice security guard in their salon. She often trims his brows for free, while he gives her a pile of candy as gratitude. © _tomato_hater / Twitter
  • A security guard at the mall I work in just came up to me and said I’d better close my trading spot after the new year. All because he sees how things have been going at my end, that there are no buyers, and that it can hardly be called business after all. © Karnero / Pikabu
  • Happy workdays of a retail associate: our new security guard told our manager that I don’t smile enough. So I spent the whole next day smiling like the Joker. The new security guard approached the manager again and asked that I stop smiling so much. © Wizard_Severus / Twitter
  • So, I am roaming around the supermarket picking up products but without a cart or a basket. 2 security guards come up to me, grab my arms, and begin to escort me somewhere. Suddenly I hear someone shouting through their walkie-talkie, “Not this one, dumbos!” © AvengedS / Pikabu
  • The security guard in a mall rejected my request to keep my bag full of KFC chicken wings at the reception desk at the entrance, saying, “Please don’t do it. It’s my 8th hour of work. Your chicken wings won’t be here when you return.” © allls / Pikabu
  • I went outside for 5 minutes to breathe fresh air and the security guard says, “You should get married instead of working so hard in the office.” Me, “I’m divorced.” The security guard, “Well that means you no longer need to get married, actually.” So we hung out the rest of the time, standing silently, and thinking. That’s true, I have already been there — that’s enough. © moonredstage / Twitter
  • I thought I looked good until the moment a security guard in a supermarket suspected me of stealing 150g of salad. © almost_bergman / Twitter
  • It’s quite offensive when a security guard stops you and asks, “Hey man, what is that protruding from under your jacket?” In fact, it’s my tummy... © c921ym178 / Pikabu
  • We entered a store and the metal detector started to go off. The security guard asks me, “What are you carrying in your bag?” Me, “A phone and money.” The guard, “Hmmm, I wonder why they magnetize so much...” Me, “Perhaps because I am too attractive.” My friend *pretends as if she is not with me* © zabuivchivaya / Twitter
  • I was on my way home from work yesterday and carrying a medium-sized bag. At the entrance to the subway, there is a female security guard who asks me to put my bag on the x-ray area. So I put the bag down and say, “There were 2 people with big backpacks in front of me, why didn’t you demand to check their bags, but asked to check my bag, which is much smaller?” She answers, “They were wearing earphones.” © koem / Pikabu
  • So I am sitting in the waiting room at the dentist’s office, looking at my phone. A security guard comes in and asks the visitors whose Audi is parked at the entrance. No one responds. Since I was sitting a bit further from everyone, he comes up to me and says, “Hey man, is that your Audi?” I raise my head, he looks at me, and says, “Nope, it’s not yours. An Audi requires good earnings,” and walks away. © Lobotomist / Pikabu
  • So I go into a supermarket in the morning. Everything is silent around me. There are tons of goods, but no people and no security. I got a full basket of products, went to the cashier, and started to wait. No one appeared. I whistled. A sleepy security guard comes from his room and says that the store is closed, it’s just the door that is open. © vadjan89 / Twitter
  • A security guard from our block of apartments presented me with a disk. I started to watch it, it has 3 GB of the elevator’s camera’s recordings where I am dancing. I feel shy to leave my home now. © aLookInside / Pikabu
  • I often make jokes that the clothes I wear look like the clothes of a homeless person. But today this prank got out of control, because the new security guard didn’t want to let me enter the office. He said, “Go away, vagabond, this is private property.” © hxmebxy / Twitter

Bonus: A little bit about our pet peeves

Have you ever had funny situations with security guards? Please share them with us in the comments!

Preview photo credit selfish.angel / Pikabu