We recently published 7 stories about things parents did that made their kids stop trusting them. It turned out that this topic was very relatable for our readers, and they left numerous comments under our post sharing similar stories from their childhood. Some of them gave advice about forgiving these moms and dads because they probably didn’t mean to hurt their child. But one of our readers, Svetlana Putkaradze, noted, “No matter what we say, we remember childhood grievances our whole lives. And we might understand that everything is already behind us, and it’s time to forget, but we can’t do it, we can’t simply forget. These grievances are somewhere in the background, and they still hurt. They’re like a fly in the most amazing ointment.”
We at Bright Side decided to publish some of our readers’ stories that may help parents of both small and grownup children look at themselves from the outside. And this will probably help them reconsider their methods for raising their children and change their attitude toward their own children.
***
There’s an insult that I still remind my mother of, even many years later. We temporarily lived at my brother’s apartment because we were doing renovations at our place. My mom, before going to work, asked me to go to the market. I was on my way out the door, when I realized that the keys were missing. All of the family members used to hang their keys on the key holder at the entrance. I searched the whole flat and still couldn’t find them. I called my mom and told her that I couldn’t find my keys, so I couldn’t just go and leave the door open. As a response, I got a bunch of extremely negative remarks from her, saying that I was irresponsible and lazy. I was only 18 years old!
And in the evening, it turned out that my brother had taken his and my keys, but didn’t notice it. But I called everyone asking whether they had taken extra keys. My mom didn’t apologize, because I was “lazy and irresponsible anyway.” It has been 14 years, but I still remember everything. © vectors_pd / adme
***
I went to the store on a beautiful summer day. I was 12 or 13 years old. I had some change left after I finished shopping, and I was so filled with emotions, that I went to a flower shop. I waited in line and bought daffodils for my mom. I was so happy and ran home to surprise her. But she opened the door, saw my flowers, and my smiling face, and said, “And why would you do that?!” I still remember it today. © Irina Zn / facebook
***
At around 10-12 years old, I had been saving money for about a year. One day, my dad told me that we should convert it from coins to paper money, so it would be easier to store it. I gave the money to him and I never saw it again. When I asked him about it, my dad said that he didn’t even remember what happened to my money.
That’s probably why I buy clothes like crazy. Because I could have money today, and it might disappear tomorrow. But at least I’ll have new shoes or clothes. © Natalia Rivera / facebook
***
My mom was always against me. She always supported other people and was never on my side. I’m 40 years old, and I have a very strained relationship with her, we’re almost like enemies. I can neither forget, nor forgive her insults from my childhood. © Christina / adme
***
When I was in school, I was accused of stealing my teacher’s wallet. I was only 11 years old, I didn’t do it, and I have no idea why she decided it was me. So I was accused in front of the whole class. They called my mom and... as a result, she had to transfer me to another school. And the most insulting thing was not the fact that everyone was looking at me and talking about me, it was that my mom didn’t even try to protect me and didn’t believe me.
I’m an adult now, but I still can’t forgive her betrayal. I know that no matter what my child does, I’ll always be on their side and will believe their truth. It’s a pity that parents sometimes forget what it means to listen and to really hear their child. © Grecika Ana / facebook
***
I hate my childhood and the feeling of helplessness I had during this period. “You must tremblingly respect your elders, be obedient and grateful.” Any attempt to cry was stopped with the phrase, “Stop crying! Some people suffered worse and they didn’t cry, but you...” I can’t remember these moments calmly. © Alena Sidorenko / facebook
***
I also remembered a story from my childhood that influenced me. It seems silly, but I still remember it. When I was 9 years old, I changed my hairstyle using my new hairpin. I went to my mom to show it to her, but she looked at me and said, “You look so stupid with that hairstyle!”
I still either keep my hair loose or wear it in a ponytail. For some reason, I feel uncomfortable with other hairstyles. © Julia Kasyan
***
I was already doing some part-time work when I was 12 years old. I had dreamed of having a bicycle and I bought one. But my dad took it for himself, even though it had a “feminine” color. I still feel resentment about this. © Natalia Timoshenko / facebook
***
I remember that when I was 7 years old, my mom told me, “I’ll punish you for lying and not for your actions.” Next time I did something wrong and honestly confessed, and I was punished anyway... Since then, I preferred to not reveal the whole truth. © Olga Aksyonova / adme
***
I remember that when I was 5 years old, I started composing poetry. It wrote itself and it was very easy to come up with something. I was embarrassed to tell my mom about it for a long time, but then I finally read her my poem. She told me that it was wrong to lie to her and tell her that I had composed it myself. After that, I’ve never written a poem, it’s like this ability was cut off. © Natalia Bogdanova / facebook
***
My mom read my diary, and my dad found out about it. He punished me for nothing! I was friends with a boy, and we saw each other a couple of times. But my dad decided that it was too early for me (I was in the 8th grade) and he punished me by calling me a bad name. Although I’ve forgiven him, I’m still deeply offended inside! And yes, I’m 71 years old. © Lyudmila Lukin / facebook
Instead of an afterword
Unfortunately, modern parents also sometimes do things that may make their children hide resentment in their hearts. Here are just a few examples:
- At work, we, adult ladies, started arguing about the diaries and private messages of our children. I’ll never forget a woman saying, “Only maniacs keep diaries, so we HAVE TO read them!” Another woman said that she sees nothing wrong with reading her 4th-grade son’s diary. And another woman told us, word-for-word, about the personal correspondence of her 16-year-old teenage son. So here are some modern examples for you. © Nataliia Lavrenova / facebook
- When my kids were at school, the principal and the head teachers at a school meeting with parents urged parents to watch their children — search their pockets, backpacks, dressers, and go through their phones. When I (I was almost the only one, by the way. There was one other dad who supported me.) said that the teachers were urging us to do things that have always been considered shameful and indecent like peeping and eavesdropping, everyone started shushing at me and making noise. My argument about the fact that, “If our child ever finds out about these actions, we’ll lose their trust forever,” didn’t work. The headmaster spoke with authority, claiming that it is essential because all children can potentially get into serious trouble and only total surveillance can save them. At home, I told my boys about this, and they didn’t even take it seriously. My children are 32 and 29 years old now, and I have good relationships with them. © Alexandra Schukina / facebook
Have your parents ever done things that it hurts to remember?
